


桜 (sakura) - When the cherry blossoms

by neverdanceagain



Series: 花 (hana) - Flowers [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Italy, KuroKen - Freeform, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Friend, M/M, Manga & Anime, Minor Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Pro Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou, Roma | Rome, Romance, Slow Burn, Tattoo Artist Akaashi Keiji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:35:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 49,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26635204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverdanceagain/pseuds/neverdanceagain
Summary: In a parallel universe, Fukurodani never made it to nationals in 2012.Or, where Bokuto finds Akaashi again after eight years."It's exciting, don't you think?" He turns around to look him in the eyes and stands still, his body turning to face Akaashi. "It's like" a small smile flickers on his lips but it's gone in the blink of an eye, while he looks for the words amongst the branches above their heads "These flowers, they've been there for the whole winter, just waiting for the right sunshine, the right breeze of wind to blossom." His eyes meet Akaashi's again, knocking the air out of his lungs. He reaches forward and takes both of his hands, holding them close to his chest. "I think they're so beautiful, because they've guessed the right time to start anew."
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: 花 (hana) - Flowers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2003071
Comments: 79
Kudos: 95





	1. Almost eight years

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in Italy: whenever you find dialogues in italics, they are speaking Italian.  
> Another important thing to know is that my first language is, in fact, Italian! I apologize for eventual spelling and grammar mistakes. Please point them out so that I can improve!  
> Also, I'm new to AO3 and I need to figure out some things! I'm more used to Wattpad, I need to experiment a little bit with formats and stuff.

" _Hey, Kei_."

He slowly tilts his head to look at the brown haired boy peeking out from the door and lifts one single eyebrow, giving him his attention.

_"I know you should be about to leave right now, but we have a new customer and everyone else has already left."  
_Akaashi sighs and is about to complain, but his coworker reads through his behaviour and adds: " _Plus, they look like they're Chinese or something and I don't speak a word of English._ "

'Does he even realize that China and Japan speak two different languages?'  
Akaashi mentally curses, Europeans apparently have a really hard time discriminating between oriental countries. Everyone with almond eyes is from China, that's the world they live in.  
He knows Diego means well and isn't trying to piss him off, so he doesn't even bother to correct him and gets up from the small couch they have in the staff room.

" _Thanks man_ " Diego says as Akaashi passes him by, heading towards the counter.

" _Good afternoon, welcome to Inked. How may I help you?_ " He absent-mindedly states as soon as he reaches his customer, catching their attention and making them approach the counter from the sitting area.  
He doesn't recognize them at first, since he normally barely even looks at someone in the eye when he's talking, but they do.

One of the two boys approaches the tattoo artist with a huge friendly smile on his face, which immediately freezes on his lips and starts crumbling downwards when his brain connects the sound of the voice to the boy on the other side of the counter.  
The other one just stands there, mouth agape as soon as he hears Akaashi speak. His eyes burn a hole through Keiji's head and the tattoo parlor is eerily quiet.

When Akaashi feels his skin tingle, he realizes that the atmosphere has changed and something's off.  
He slowly lifts his eyes, fidgeting with his hands. Even this nervous habit stops when he meets the eyes of the customer.

"Akaashi?"

He blinks once. Twice.  
He gulps and then thinks about slapping himself, but luckily he is interrupted by Diego, who is heading out of the back door. " _I left the keys on the shelf, you close the shop today alright?_ "  
He doesn't give him the time to answer, because Diego immediately shuts the door behind him.

Akaashi turns around to see that both guys haven't left, confirming that he isn't hallucinating. He sheepishly lifts a hand in a greeting gesture and breaths out a shy "Hi".

"What the hell man, is that all you've got?" Kuroo laughs loudly and reaches over the counter to envelop him in a longing embrace.  
At this, Akaashi lets out his breath and feels his shoulders loosen up, the pressure slowly leaving his body.  
"Holy moly, Akaashi, it's been ages!" He keeps Akaashi at arm length and takes a good look at his new appearance. "You've changed so much, bro." He says with a hint of melancholy.

He knows he has changed. In fact, Akaashi didn't even think his old high school friends would recognize him. He has brow and ear piercings now, along with full sleeve tattoos clearly visible from his t-shirt. "Yeah, I'm a tattoo artist... gotta keep up the looks, you know" he shrugs.

Both of the boys seem to remember at the same moment the presence of the other one, still standing by the armchairs. He looks like he's seen a ghost.

"Hey, Bokuto-san" Keiji manages to smile in his direction, even if old feelings are coming to crush him "How are you doing?"

Bokuto shuts his mouth instantaneously. Then he opens it again, trying to say something, but his lower lip starts quivering so he smacks his lips close and storms out of the door, leaving the sound of the bell behind him.

Kuroo sighs and turns back to Akaashi with an apologizing small smile. "Sorry about that" His eyes analyze carefully Akaashi's blue ones, which are still lingering on the now closed door, zooming out.  
He feels like he should distract him. "Anyways, I... no, I mean, we were actually here to get a tattoo." He quirks his eyebrows.

"What? Seriously?" Keiji is genuinely taken aback by his statement.

"Yeah, why? Are you the only one who's allowed to be all cool and tattoos now?"

"Uh? No, I meant... does he really want a tattoo?" Akaashi furrows his forehead, he's always thought of Bokuto as a soft guy.

"Guess so... I was surprised as well, but he said he didn't want me to get one alone" Kuroo shrugs and glances back at the glass door. Bokuto is outside, apparently not moving. He's just standing there. Watching the door.

"So, did you have something in mind?" Akaashi tries his best to ignore a sulking Bokuto right outside of the door and takes out a folder.

"Something volleyball-related, of course."

Akaashi flips through his sketches but soon stops to look back at his friend with a questioning glare. "Why are you even here?"

Kuroo snorts "To get a tattoo, obviously."

He shakes his head and corrects: "I meant, what are you doing here in Rome?"

"Oh, that" Kuroo chuckles nervously, then his thumb points towards the white-haired guy standing out of the door "The horned owl bastard out there got in a volleyball team here" he shrugs.

"Really? Wow... that's odd." Akaashi quietly giggles under the gaze of an amused Kuroo. "So. We were saying volleyball, right?" Kuroo nods leaning on the counter. "And what about Bokuto-san? Are you two getting the same one?"

"I hope not" he twists his nose and pulls a face "Kenma would kill me if I got a matching tattoo with someone else."

"Oh, so you two did get together after all" he smiles but keeps it hidden while flipping through the pages.

"What do you mean 'after all'?"

"Well" he contains a laugh "you two had quite the sexual tension going on back in high school."

"We got together only three years ago, you shouldn't even know about this." Kuroo doesn't show any sign of surprise, he's simply unamused.

"Took you long enough."

"You're one to talk." He teases back, but realizes his mistake only when he catches a flash of regret light up Akaashi's eyes. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I should learn when to keep my trash-hole shut."

"It's fine" Keiji shrugs, but the atmosphere has already turned colder.  
"This is what I have about volleyball. You choose one and then we can discuss where to do it. But you will have to get an appointment if you want to have it tattooed, we close in like 15 minutes." He takes out a red agenda from behind the counter and looks for a vacant space.

"I should probably go and ask that sulking nut-head what he wants to do with his life."

With that, he turns around and exits the door in two large steps. The air outside is brisk and chilly, a typical October evening. Bokuto is literally staring at nothing in front of him. He's not even seem to batting his eyelashes.

"Oya?" He gently shoves his shoulder, waking him up from his hypnotized state.

"You done?"

"What? Of course not, weren't we supposed to do it together?"

"Oh, that" He shrinks in his jacket and averts his eyes from his best friend "I don't feel like it anymore."

Kuroo sighs and shifts, so that he's standing in front of him. "Listen up, Koutarou"

Bokuto blinks. He never calls him by his first name.

"I know you miss him. And I know it's been hard for you" Bokuto is already lowering his gaze "But I also know that it hasn't been easy for him, neither."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, get a hold of your feelings. It's been 8 years."

"Almost. Eight years." Bokuto underlines.

"Whatever, bro." Kuroo rolls his eyes. "Just get back there and talk to him, he won't bite you." Bokuto is about to nod, convinced, when Kuroo adds "Unless you ask him to."

"You" slap on the neck "jerk" slap on the forehead "bastard" punch on the shoulder.

Kuroo doesn't stop laughing even when they get back into the tattoo shop, lifting Akaashi's mood once again.

"Oh, good, so you've decided" Akaashi greets them with a nod.

"Uh" Bokuto just stares, he doesn't seem to have unlocked his communication skills at all. Kuroo shoulders him in the back, making him stumble towards the counter. "Hey, 'Kaashi" he gulps loudly but doesn't stutter.

Akaashi lifts his gaze from the sketches. And he smiles.  
Bokuto chokes on his breath.  
"Hi Bokuto-san. Congrats for your new team."

"How do you know about it?" he has to hide a smile, already hoping that the younger boy had managed to keep up with his life, somehow.

"Kuroo-san just told me" he nods towards his friend and Bokuto pouts just a little.  
"So, Kuroo was saying he wants a tattoo related to volleyball and here is what I have. You can choose one, then we'll discuss together where to do it."

Bokuto snaps his eyes off Akaashi's brow piercing to look at the folder. "Wow, did you draw all of them?"

"Yeah, those designs are mine" he shrugs "but if you'd like something different, I'll show you some of my colleagues'." He's already retrieving more folders from various shelves.

"No, please. These are beautiful" Bokuto passes his fingers on the page before flipping it "I didn't even know you were so good at drawing, how did I miss it?"

"It's something I found out when I came here." The statement lingers in the air between them for a couple of minutes, both of them pretending the sentence didn't have any second meaning.

"Oh, I found mine! I want this one" Kuroo holds up the sketch pointing at a cute tattoo representing a kitten curled up around a tiny volley ball.

Akaashi didn't think Kuroo would go for that one, so he smiles. "Yeah? That one would look great on your shoulder or, if you prefer, somewhere on your back. Even on your chest wouldn't be bad."

"I think I'll go for the shoulder."

"Awesome" Akaashi takes down some notes "Is it alright if I book an appointment for the both of you for this Thursday? I'm sorry but I am pretty busy this week."

"Sure, I'm on a holiday after all. Don't have much to do" Kuroo smiles.

"Bokuto-san?"

"Uh?" Bokuto swiftly lifts his gaze from the page and his large eyes blink back at Akaashi "Thursday's fine. Not in the morning, though. I have practice."

"Sure" Akaashi nods and writes down on his agenda. "Did you find anything you like? If you have an idea that isn't in there, I can customize something for you."

"No need to, I was actually just staring at this the whole time" Bokuto smiles and holds up the folder, pointing almost proudly to the drawing.

On the page there is one single sketch. It's not volleyball related, but Akaashi can easily understand why Bokuto likes that one. It's an owl sitting on a branch, staring at the horizon. Akaashi always thought it had Bokuto's eyes and maybe he unconsciously drew them alike.

"Beautiful choice, Bokuto-san." He nods while the tiniest smile forms on his lips.

On the other side of the counter, Bokuto is beaming right back at him.


	2. Japan reunion

_"Guys! Come here a sec!"_

The coach claps his hands twice and every player jogs towards him. "I am happy to officially introduce you to your new teammate, Bokuto Kotaro" he says, pointing towards Bokuto, as if asking him to present himself.

"Hi everyone!" he greets them in English: even though he actually planned to study Italian before coming to Rome, the only thing he can say now is _'un gelato al cioccolato, per favore'_ (a chocolate ice cream, please).

"My name is Koutarou, but most of my friends call me by my second name, Bokuto. I don't mind either way." He shrugs, then goes on "I play as outside hitter and I'm thrilled to be playing with Ali Roma from now on!" Bokuto throws his fist into the air above his head with a huge smile plastered on his face.

Some players are already warming up and running around the gym, while others actually take the time to get closer and greet him. They all try to say his name, which comes out in a funny way, but he doesn't mind. He hopes they'll find a nickname that's easier for them to pronounce.

When almost everyone is doing laps around the volleyball court, he starts running as well. A thrill of excitement runs through his body as he realizes that a new whole chapter of his life is right in front of him. And he can't wait to write it.

At about half of his second lap, someone runs up to him and they steady their pace to keep up.

Before he can give his attention to his new company, the other player speaks up "Thanks for letting me know you were coming here as well..."

He almost stops dead in his tracks. "Kageyama?"

"And slow down, boke. Stop showing off."

Bokuto takes a good look at him and slows to a jog, eyes wide with surprise. "What the heck is this? Japan reunion in Rome?"

"What are you even talking about?" he’s giving him an unimpressed and somewhat annoyed look.

"First Akaashi and then you... It's either that you're stalking me or Rome is definitely small."

Kageyama scoffs "Rome is actually very big, dumbass. Plus, at least I knew Akaashi was here. You didn't bother to tell me."

"Neither did you, man! I swear I didn't know we got in the same team!"

He gives him a side glance and an uncomfortable grimace, Bokuto instantly knows that he doesn’t believe him. "Stop playing dumb, I told everyone after the Olympics."

"Well, not me!" He gestures widely and points at his chest.

"I told Shoyo, who definitely told Kenma, who must have told Kuroo." He grunts, counting the names on his fingers.

"And what does this have to do with me?"

Kageyama almost looks like he doesn’t’ want to answer, but then he decides to give it a try. "You're best friends with Kuroo, aren't you?"

"So what?" Bokuto blinks, eyes wide and forehead scrunched in the effort of understanding what the other man is thinking.

"So, he must have told you." With that, Kageyama decides he’s had enough and speeds up to get rid of Bokuto. He actually succeeds.

Bokuto is staring at his back as Kageyama runs ahead of him, still stunned because of how the conversation turned out. How could he possibly blame him for not knowing?

But now that he knows, he's curious: how did he get in? Does he have a contract already or is he just trying things out? Why did he choose Rome? He must have had heaps of offers after the Olympic games. Bokuto decides to ask him everything about it during practice.

The coach, however, knowing that they played together during the Olympics last summer, prefers to keep them separated. This way they can get to know the other teammates more quickly. Bokuto tries to keep his mood up and not let the argument get in the way of practice, but he’s not sure he’s succeeding.

He finally has his chance to talk to Kageyama only when they get in the locker rooms.

Bokuto drops his bag next to the setter and offers him a bright smile, both hoping he cooled off and trying to start anew. "Hey there Kags, how did practice go?"

Kageyama doesn't even glance at him. "Fine."

‘Yucks, still bitter’ Bokuto sighs and sits on the bench. "I'm sorry, alright? I swear I didn't know you were coming here as well." He knows his apology isn’t heartfelt at all, but he doesn’t really feel like he should apologize in the first place.

"Look" Kageyama exhales and this time, he actually looks at him "it doesn't matter. We're on the same team again, so what? I actually enjoyed tossing to you." He shrugs, playing it cool and pretending that what he just said wasn’t a compliment.

Bokuto, being Bokuto, recognizes the praise: his face lights up instantaneously and his eyes glimmer in excitement. "Really?" He jumps off the bench and throws his hands in the air "Thanks Kageyama! I love playing with you as well!"

The setter strips off his jersey, takes a towel and heads for the showers, still unimpressed. "Right. Take it down a notch and stop speaking Japanese, though." He says as he turns away "It's rude."

Bokuto's arms fall to his sides as reality hits him. His new teammates are staring weirdly at him, some of them are whispering to each other. His cheeks heat up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude." He says in English "I swear I'll learn Italian sooner rather than later." He smiles, hoping to look polite.

"No offense taken" a tall blonde guy speaks up and offers him a warm smile. Bokuto remembers he's the captain, playing as middle blocker, but he doesn't recall his name. "Take your time learning Italian, some of us can actually speak English fluently so don't worry too much about it, okay?" He stands up and pats him on the shoulder before going to shower.

"Yeah, but others can’t speak English to save their lives." This time it's a cool red headed guy with tattooed arms and quite the scary vibe. He reminds him of Hinata, but... he's definitely taller.

The man stands up and glances pointedly at some other teammates, then he says something in Italian, which Bokuto doesn't understand. "Don't worry, it's actually better for you if you can't talk with them. You’re not missing out on anything special." He laughs loudly and Bokuto relaxes. He seems cheerful and energetic, the scary vibe miles away from him now.

He steps closer and holds out his hand for him to shake. "I'm Ivan" he smiles again "I'm sorry but I think I forgot your name."

When Bokuto stands up, he realizes that Ivan is a good 10 centimeters taller than him. The guy is huge. So much for reminding him of chibi-chan!

He smiles bravely, anyways, and accepts his handshake. "I'm Bokuto Kotaro, but I've realized that my name is kind of hard for you to pronounce, so you can call me however you like."

Ivan laughs again and shrugs "We'll find you a nickname then." He points at the shower room behind him "Your friend has an easier name."

"Yeah, lucky bastard has almost a European first name." He stands with his hands on his hips and shakes his head. He has a feeling that this guy is going to be fun to have around.


	3. A wise stray cat

"Oya, scoundrel!"

Bokuto stares at Kuroo, not blinking. "How did you just call me?"

Kuroo smiles sideways and rubs the back of his head. "I don't even know, forget about it." He flips his hair with one swift movement "How was your first practice?"

Bokuto's faces lights up "It was awesome! They are so strong!" He starts jumping around his friend for quite a bit, talking about swoosh and baam and how cool the other teammates seem to be. He loses a bit of enthusiasm when he remembers something. "Oh, and I found Kageyama as well! Did you know he would be here?"

"Uh, yeah of course. Didn't you?" Kuroo deadpans and lifts one eyebrow.

"See? Everyone knew about it." Kageyama pops up out of nowhere with a scolding face, walking past them.

"I didn't!" He insists, turning around to face him.

"As if" Kageyama goes to greet Kuroo and they hug. "Yo, Bokuto-kun was right: this really feels like Japan reunion. We should hang out sometimes, with Akaashi as well."

Kuroo has to blink twice to convince himself that he's not dreaming: did he really witness Kageyama suggesting to do some social activity? He finds himself at a loss of words and stutters "Uh yeah, sure. I guess."

"Hey, how did you even know Akaashi was in Rome?" Bokuto doesn’t look phased at all and interrupts their awkward exchange. Of course, we're talking about precious Akaashi here.

"Instagram." Kageyama answers without even looking at him. He doesn’t seem to make a lot of eye contact, maybe it’s just bad communication skills.

"What?" Bokuto glares wide-eyed at Kageyama's side. "Akaashi has Instagram now?"

"Who doesn't? It's 2020" Kuroo interjects with a shrug.

Bokuto spins on the heels of his feet to face him, wide-eyed "You follow him?!"

"Duh." They answer in unison. "Don't you?" Kageyama skeptically asks.

"Of course not! I looked for him everywhere but I couldn't find him." Now he's pouting, thinking that maybe Akaashi didn't want to be found anyways.

"That's because he goes by Kei now, that's how they call him here." Kageyama explains, typing on his phone.

"What? He changed his name?" Shocked, he shakes his head at Kuroo, who just sighs and rolls his eyes.

"No, it's just short for Keiji, boke." Kageyama turns his phone so that Bokuto can see.

"Oooh, I get it." He smiles peacefully now. "Can you send me his profile?"

"Why don't you just do it on your own?"

"Jeez, thanks mate." He furrows his forehead and fishes out his phone.

However, Kuroo interrupts him. "Come on, we're already late for dinner." He holds him by the sleeve of his jacket and starts to pull him away. "You'll follow him when we get back to the hotel."

Bokuto stomps his feet and tries to hold his ground, but it's no use and he ends up stumbling against Kageyama, who grunts and shoves him off.

"Bye Kags! We'll be in touch." Kuroo waves without looking back.

"Save me Kageyama!" Bokuto dramatically screams, capturing the attention of many people passing by. He just smiles at them and waves goodbye.

Kageyama nods his head. "See you around." He turns around and then mutters under his breath "Crackheads"

"I can hear you!" They both answer at once, not turning around.

* * *

"And in the end, I chose a kitten with a volley ball." Kuroo smiles smugly at the screen of his laptop, watching close for his boyfriend's reaction.

Kenma giggles, covering his mouth with his hand. "Oh my god, I can't wait to see. That's so cute Kuroo."

He blushes and folds his hands on his chest. "You think so?"

"Of course, I love kittens."

Kuroo is about to answer with something cheesy, but his eyes catch the sight of Bokuto. He's sprawled on his bed and is fidgeting with his phone, staring at the ceiling while into some deep mental conversation with himself.

"What's up Bokuto?"

Bokuto snaps his head towards him, brows wrinkled and mouth pressed in a tight line. "Just wondering."

"About what?"

"What's up with Bokuto?" Kenma chimes in from the screen.

"He's sulking again."

"Shoot."

"Hey!" Bokuto sits up and glares at Kuroo and his laptop. "I'm not sulking. I'm just thinking."

"Sure thing." A sigh is heard from Kenma's side. "Take him out of his misery, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Alright, love you."

"Love you too."

The video call ends and Kuroo closes his laptop to stand up and sit next to Bokuto. "So, what were you thinking about?"

Bokuto stares at the wall opposite to them with vacant eyes. "Akaashi" he answers with a feeble voice.

Kuroo can’t say he’s surprised, but he rubs his face nervously and keeps silent, hoping his friend would explain better.

"I was wondering if I should really follow him on Instagram."

Kuroo's hands drop on the mattress and he glares at Bokuto. "Seriously? What are you, a teenage fangirl?"

"You don't get it." When he turns around his expression seems truly troubled and Kuroo feels just slightly guilty for making fun of him. "What if I find out he is happy now?"

"Aren't you happy? Why shouldn't he be happy as well?"

"Of course he should be!" His hands flail around as he tries to convey his feelings. "I meant, with someone else." The voice now reduced to a whisper: "What if he's happy with someone else?"

"Oh." Kuroo remains silent for a while, not sure how to answer. He knows way too well how hard it's been for Bokuto to try and forget Akaashi. He also knows that he never actually succeeded.

"I am scared.” Bokuto admits with a small voice “I saw him the other day and thought that this could really be our new chance. But" when he turns to look at Kuroo, his golden eyes are shining with unshed tears "what if he doesn't want to? If he doesn't want me anymore?"

"Kotaro..." Kuroo sighs and wraps one arm around his friend's shoulders. "We both know that it's not by chance that you are here in Rome." Bokuto sniffs and looks at him with a side glance, not wanting to give him a full display of his tears. "You had so many offers after the Olympics, and yet you chose to come here. You made your chance."

"But" he tries to wipe his eyes with his hands "you know I'm impulsive. I never thought that he could reject me until now."

"You shouldn't think about being rejected yet" he offers him some tissues "you've been apart for so long, you'll have to get to know each other all over again."

"What do you mean? We know each other."

"I don't think so. You know the 17-year-old who was your boyfriend, not a 25-year-old Kei who works in a tattoo shop."

"They're still the same person, though." Bokuto blows his nose in the paper tissue. He doesn't see the point in this conversation.

"We can't know that for sure. A lot of things can happen in eight years." He leans with his hands on the bed behind him. "I think that him having a boyfriend would be the last of your problems. Plus" he shoves his shoulder against Bokuto's "couples break up all the time."

Bokuto chuckles "You're right about that."

"I know." Kuroo shrugs and the room falls into a peaceful silence for a couple of minutes. "When did I become so wise?"

"Right?" Bokuto deadpans and looks at him, impressed.

"Don't get used to it."


	4. It may hurt a little

"So, who's first?"

Akaashi wears his black latex gloves, sterilized and ready to tattoo.

Bokuto and Kuroo are having a staring contest with each other, they claimed that whoever blinks is going first.

"Guys, I don't really have time for this." He rolls his eyes, rearranging the items on the table and sitting on the chair. "I know I said we can stay even after the shop closes, but I still have things to do afterwards."

This seems to catch Bokuto's attention, because he turns around to look at him.

Akaashi looks tired. He's slumped on the leather chair, elbows resting softly on his thighs and hands falling in between his legs. His shoulders are tense but also somewhat weighed down by an imaginary burden. He wears glasses today and maybe they contribute to the stressed aura. His heart shrinks at the sight. "Sorry Agaashi, I'll go first."

Akaashi stares at him for a moment, almost surprised, but then he simply nods and pats the armchair in front of him. He's trying hard not to think about the way Bokuto just pronounced his surname. It may have brought back some unwanted thoughts, but he doesn't really bother to push them away. He treasures those memories.

"Well that was easy." Kuroo snickers, sitting on a couch next to the other two and starts flipping through the pages of a magazine.

"Look, Bokuto-san, this is the stencil for your tattoo" Akaashi holds in his hands a thin paper with the design of an owl "is this alright?"

"Of course" he smiles shyly "I chose it, after all."

"I know, I was just making sure."

He instructs Bokuto to remove his shirt and sit still on the armchair, while trying to avoid his eyes. He's still over-thinking his choice of words the other day, when he told Bokuto that his biceps are "just perfect for that tattoo". He has a strong urge to face palm every time his mind replays that moment.

Bokuto is too well aware that he's sitting half naked next to his ex-boyfriend and tries to hide the blush by grinning smugly, but from Kuroo's expression he doubts he's being successful.

His muscle flinches by reflex when the cold disinfectant hits his skin and he turns to a bemused Akaashi. "I'm not even using the needle yet."

"I know" he pouts "it was just cold." He can see Akaashi holding back a smile while he mutters some halfhearted apology.

"Is it" he's already regretting what he's about to say, but goes along with it anyways "is it gonna hurt?"

He expected Akaashi to make fun of him, but instead he's serious - almost concerned - when he looks at him. "Of course it's going to hurt, it's a needle." He states matter-of-factly pointing to the tool in his hand. When Bokuto's expression is about to crumble, he rushes to reassure him. "But it won't hurt too much, since you've got plenty of muscle."

He mentally face-palms again. 'Why did I have to point that out again?'

"Oh" Bokuto seems to think about it, oblivious to the younger's uneasiness, but he still wears a worried expression. "Can you maybe distract me?" He suggests shyly.

"And how would I do that?" Keiji sighs. It's not the first time that a customer is scared of the pain, but this time is different, since Bokuto has enough confidence to speak his mind regardless of the level of randomness of his thoughts.

"Maybe we can talk?"

"Yeah we can" he nods.

"Of course, ignore me. I don't mind." Kuroo lifts his eyes from the magazine and quirks one eyebrow.

"You're reading" Bokuto is ready to counter the accusation. “You’re the one who’s ignoring us.”

"I can still talk, duh?"

"I know what you could do to help him, Kuroo" Akaashi catches the attention of both of them, just wanting to get to work "Get over here and hold his hand."

The two boys exhibit disgusted expressions on their faces and simultaneously complain with various 'ew' and 'gross'.

"No homo, bro" Kuroo seems truly grossed out by Akaashi's suggestion.

"You're literally gay, though" Bokuto snickers while receiving warning glances by Akaashi.

"So are you" Kuroo sticks out his tongue in a childish fashion.

"Alright, enough" Akaashi interrupts them before the bickering could get to a point of no return "Kuroo, you can read your magazine as long as you don't bother me while I'm working."

"Works for me" he returns to his previous position, ignoring the other two people in the room.

"But what about me?"

Akaashi swears that Bokuto is pouting at him. He's still weak for those eyes, apparently, because he sighs and gives in. "If you sit like this instead" he adjusts the back and the arms of the chair, so that now Bokuto is facing him in an upright position. He has to reach over a little to get to his arm, but it's not uncomfortable. Instead of finishing what he said, Akaashi just takes Bokuto's left hand and places it on his own knee, then proceeds to adjust the tools to work on his right arm.

Bokuto is puzzled at first, he looks at Akaashi for permission and when he nods at him, he realizes that he hasn't misinterpreted his gesture. He squeezes Akaashi's knee just a little and his face turns from troubled into determined in just a couple of seconds "Let's do it."

His new found bravery encourages Akaashi to turn on the tattoo machine and begin his work.

At first Bokuto flinches a couple of times and Keiji is worried that he'll have to stop midway through the tattoo: since it's pretty big, he wouldn't wish for him to go around with a half done owl on his arm. That would be bad publicity.

Luckily, though, Bokuto eventually sucks it up and grits his teeth. His bicep has been tense this whole time, apart from the moments when Akaashi had to stop and clean up the excess of ink on his skin. In these moments, Bokuto would take a breath of relief and finally relax, releasing even the grip on Keiji's knee and moving his thumb in circles on his jeans in a soothing way, as if Akaashi was the one in pain.

"Everything alright?" Akaashi checks on him for the fifth time, making sure he's still baring the pain.

Bokuto just nods and prepares to tense up again. Akaashi sighs: they're just a little more than halfway done, it's going to be a long session like that.

"Bokuto-san" he taps him gently on the hand "You don't have to be so tense. Breathe, it's alright."

Bokuto releases his breath loudly and shakes his shoulders to free the tension. "Alright" he nods and gestures for him to continue.

Everything goes smoothly, until Akaashi works closer to the inner side of his arm. When the needle touches the sensitive skin, he jumps on the chair and by instinct his hand squeezes the life out of Akaashi's knee.

"Shi-"

Luckily, Akaashi is able to stop the machine immediately and avoids making a mess of his tattoo. "Sorry, sorry that's my fault, I should've warned you." He gently wipes a tissue on his skin, pretending not to notice Bokuto's hand on his leg.

"No, I am sorry" Bokuto sighs, defeated, going to remove his hand guiltily.

"It's fine" he nods "you can leave it there." Bokuto is surprised but complies silently, placing the hand back on Akaashi's ripped jeans. "Just hold on another ten minutes and we're done." He offers him the smallest of smiles, but is met with the biggest of them all.

He turns the needle on again and looks at him pointedly in the eye. "Now it may hurt a little."

Bokuto answers tightening the grasp on his knee and nodding with determination.

Somewhere in the middle of the process, Akaashi realizes that he can smell Bokuto's shampoo and is flooded with a new wave of memories. Again, he refuses to push them back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi and thank you everyone for reading! This story is definitively going better here than on Wattpad and I'm so glad :)  
> It may feel like in this chapter nothing really happened, but it was necessary to introduce the next one. I hope you enjoyed it anyways, let me know what you think!


	5. My shampoo is the best! - flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you noticed that this chapter is a flashback! Please mind the title from now on, otherwise you'll be confused about the space and time of the narration :)  
> This chapter is set in 2011, during nationals: Bokuto is still a second year, while Akaashi is a freshman.

This bag is way too stuffed, he can't find anything in it.

Giving in to frustration, he flips it over, spilling its contents on his futon. Then he discards the now useless and empty fabric of his volleyball bag and frantically searches through the items scattered on the duvet. He can't believe he doesn't find it: he's sure he has packed it up along with his toothbrush and bathroom stuff.

He goes through spare t-shirts and gym trousers, socks, underwear, another pair of shoes, towels and many other useless things he took, such as a keychain his father gave him when he came back from Thailand, or the embroidered tissue his grandma made for him, which his mother insisted would bring good luck to the team.

"Agaashi?"

Akaashi swiftly lifts his head up from the mess that's become of his bed, to meet Bokuto's large golden eyes.

"What's up? First years are already out of the bathrooms." He smiles widely, with his hands buried deep into the pockets of his Fukurodani sweatshirt.

"I'm stupid, that's what's up." Akaashi mumbles with a grunt, mostly to himself.

"Hey, hey" Bokuto doesn't hesitate to crouch down beside him. He holds him by the shoulders, almost forcing him to meet his eyes. "Don't say that" his mouth is now facing downwards, as if straight out from a comic book "you ain't stupid at all."

Akaashi rolls his eyes "I could be sharper."

"You're the smartest person I know!" Bokuto exclaims energetically, tapping his shoulder lightly. But when he sees that this isn't improving Akaashi's mood, he frowns again. "Seriously, though, what got you so upset?" He eyes the spilled contents of his bag "Did you lose something?"

"It's stupid, really..." Akaashi trails off, realizing that maybe his reaction was a little over the top. "I just forgot to bring soap, and now I've been spending too long looking for it and everyone else is already finished." He felt like a kid throwing a tantrum, with the nice teacher trying to calm him down.

"Oh, is that it?" Bokuto is surprised, but doesn't laugh at him. "Don't sweat it, Kaashi!" He shoves him playfully on the chest "You know" he sits down in the futon, facing him "last year, at my first nationals, I was so enthusiastic that I forgot to bring my hair gel! Can you imagine? I was so ashamed I didn't even want to get on the court!" He laughs whole-heartedly and messes up his own hair to recreate the idea, sticking strands of black and white hair to his forehead and ears.

Akaashi can't help but feel lighter after this, he lets out a smile, which then slowly turns into a giggle.

Bokuto stops his movements to watch him, somewhat charmed by the unusual sound, but keeps smiling. "There it goes" he half-whispers. Akaashi gives him a puzzled look, so he adds "I made you laugh, didn't I?"

"I guess you did" Akaashi pretends to be busy with folding his t-shirts, just to avoid making eye-contact and show him that he's blushing.

"Yo, Bokuto, it's our turn." Konoha passes by and waves at Bokuto, taking Akaashi out of his misery.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a sec." He nods as Konoha turns around and flip-flops towards the door, then he turns back at Akaashi with a glint in his eyes. "Come take a bath with us" he suggests with what he hopes is a polite smile.

"Uh... a" Akaashi is looking for the words to decline, while also trying not to choke on his breath and fearing that his ears may be tomato red already. A bath with Bokuto, the boy for whom he had a gigantic crush since back in middle school. And also, obviously, the boy who didn't know a thing about it and just tried to be friendly.

"Your year is already out, it's no biggie really" he shrugs "Plus, I can lend you my shampoo! It smells like lavender, it's super good!" He tries to convince him with a huge grin.

"Uhm" Akaashi clears his throat "Wouldn't it be inappropriate for me to have a bath with my senpais?" He timidly offers, while weakly trying to order the items on his bed.

Bokuto's eyebrows perk up and his mouth slightly opens in a tiny little gasp, but his smile is back in a matter of seconds. "Come on! You and I hang out all the time, there's no need to be formal now" he shrugs "It doesn't really feel like I'm your senpai to me, it's more like the other way around if I'm honest." Bokuto stands up, gathers his towels, bathroom bag and fresh clothes from where he left them on the bed and offers Akaashi a hand to help him stand up.

Akaashi doesn't know how to refuse anymore, he just wishes for it to be over quickly. He sighs, sending a silent pray to whomever may be listening up there, hoping they would stop him from embarrassing himself, then he accepts Bokuto's hand and stands up. "Alright. just because I smell like rotten cabbage, though." He grabs his stuff and follows a laughing Bokuto.

They get to the changing rooms and no one seems phased by his presence, everyone just ignores him as if he's always been there. He makes sure to avoid eye-contact with anyone while changing and covers himself safely with his towel, before turning around to get into the sauna.

"Wait for me!" Bokuto calls from behind him.

Akaashi turns to face him but then feels his face redden all the way up to the tip of his hair, so he spins back around. It's not the first time they get changed in the same room, of course, but it is the first time they are so blatantly naked. In the locker room before adn after practice, he would change really fast and then wait for Bokuto sitting on the bench and playing with his phone. Now that seems impossible, since it looks like he's the only one who's bothered to wear a towel around his hips.

He doesn't know if he wants to cry or laugh, but eventually decides to stay put, facing the opposite way and waiting for Bokuto to catch up. What would he do after that, he doesn't know.

So when Bokuto finally reaches him and smiles at him, he focuses on keeping his chin high and his eyes at a safe level. He just hopes that his face isn't showing the embarrassment he feels. Bokuto is talking about something, but he can't hear a thing of what he's saying.

Soon enough they reach the water and, at once, it hits him: he has to take off his towel.

Bokuto doesn't enter the hot steaming water yet. He noticed Akaashi being weirdly quiet, even for himself. He's never been a talkative kind of person, but Bokuto has directed towards him a couple of questions which are still waiting for an answer and that seems too weird. Something is off, but Akaashi looks truly uncomfortable so he doesn't want to push him.

He watches as the younger boy nervously fidgets with his fingers and looks around him with uneasiness. Akaashi tugs at the towel wrapped around him and suddenly Bokuto realizes the reason why he's acting like that.

"Go in first" he suggests, tapping him on the shoulder.

Akaashi jumps at the contact, his skin scorching hot. "What?"

"You can go in first" Bokuto repeats with kind eyes and a small smile "I forgot my... uhm... I forgot a towel." He makes up an excuse and leaves for the changing rooms again.

Akaashi releases his breath and his shoulders relax, suddenly able to breathe again, now that there is a safe distance between him and Bokuto. He shyly removes his towel and lowers himself into the hot water at once, taking a deep breath. The heat is soothing his tensed muscles, the tension melting away. He exhales and relaxes the back of his head against the edge.

He doesn't realize he has closed his eyes, until he hears a splash beside him and warm droplets on his face. He opens his eyes to discover that Bokuto has jumped in, and I mean it literally. When he emerges, his hair is sticking to his skull in an unusual style for him, but it doesn't last for long because he shakes his head vigorously, sending water all over the place.

When he's happy with the result, he swims closer to Akaashi, who immediately becomes self-conscious and sinks deeper into the water.

"I hate my hair like this" Bokuto complains bit still wears a smile when he looks at Akaashi.

"How come?" Akaashi is a little taken aback. He really didn't think Bokuto could have any weakness. He was just perfect to his eyes, he couldn't see any possible reason for him to feel insecure.

"I don't know" Bokuto shrugs "I've always been obsessive with my hair. Back in middle school, I used to spend half an hour every morning styling my hair just to look decent." He admits light-heartedly, as if he didn't just tell him some deep fact about himself.

Akaashi weighs his words. He said 'just to look decent' but it sounds absurd to him. Decent isn't exactly the word he'd use to describe Bokuto-san.

"It's just that, whenever I look in the mirror, it feels like I'm not myself if I don't have my hair in place." He brushes his fingers through his wet locks, trying to style them back to how they used to be.

Akaashi feels more comfortable now, maybe because he can recognize himself in Bokuto's words. He knows exactly how it feels to look in the mirror and not be able to see your own reflection.  
"I like them down" Akaashi's voice is so small that he himself can barely hear it. But Bokuto seems to catch his voice, because he's looking at him with incredulous eyes.

"But it's weird" Bokuto pouts and plays with the hair.

"I think it's cute" Akaashi offers and he's not just trying to cheer him up, he means it. Of course, Bokuto would be cute even if he wore a trash bag. But he doesn't have to know this.

Bokuto's face is beaming at him with glittery eyes. "Do you really think so?" Akaashi looks away but nods without saying anything further. "Well, it surely smells good!" Bokuto exclaims, craning his neck to let Akaashi smell his hair.

The younger boy eyes him weirdly, but then just gives it a try and finds out that it does actually smell good.

Bokuto straightens up and winks at him. "I told you my shampoo is the best."

That night, Akaashi falls asleep enveloped in a warm and cozy lavender scent. It smells like Bokuto.


	6. Don't fuck it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi and thanks again for reading :)  
> I just wanted to point out that we're back to the present, enjoy!
> 
> PS: I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know in the comments what you think of these time jumps, I'm afraid they might be too brutal lol

_"Thank God you managed to get out of that house."_ Akaashi exhales in relief when the brunette closes her car door shut behind her. _"I need to get drunk."_

Laura laughs openly and hugs him swiftly, while they both start walking along the pavement. _"You're so broke"_ she flips him off with a flick of her wrist. _"What happened anyways?"_

_"Uhm"_ Akaashi pretends to be thinking about it _"I just missed my best friend? Is that illegal?"_

_"As if"_ she scoffs _"we see each other every two days. Find a better excuse."_

_"Just stressed over work and my past that's come back to haunt me, apparently."_ He shrugs it off with dry humor.

_"Right, you did mention something about that"_ She nods and her long ponytail swings around her neck and shoulders.

_"I want to tell you about it, but I'm not going through that without alcohol in my stomach."_ He clicks his tongue and buries his hands deep inside his leather jacket. _"Where's Samu?"_

_"Elia's home tonight, so he's looking after him"_ she nods absent-mindedly. _"You didn't want me to bring him to a pub, did you?"_

_"God, no"_ he laughs _"As much as I love that kid, I don't want him to see me getting wasted with his mum."_

_"Who says I'm getting wasted?"_ She sends him a warning look _"I am a grown woman now, you know?"_

_"Aye, my apologies ma'am."_

_"Shut up"_ she shoves him on the shoulder and enters the pub.

Luckily, it's warmer inside. Akaashi rubs his hands together, still pretty numb due to the chilly air of the late evening.

It's busy time in the pub, a lot of people are already drinking and playing pool, the sound of laughter echoes through the walls made up of stones and the air is thick with the smell of food, drink and people.

They walk straight to the counter and Akaashi greets the bartender with a nod. The man smiles back at him and rushes to greet them.

_"Kei! How you doing?"_ He exclaims in a manly half hug and a friendly pat on the shoulder. _"You skipped practice this week! That busy?"_

_"Yeah kinda"_ Akaashi shrugs _"I am drained of energy, really."_

_"Then let me treat you to a drink!"_ He offers.

Akaashi smiles back and thanks him, accepting the free drink. Simone has always been nice to Akaashi and he admits he even had a crush on him back in the days. Maybe he just had a soft spot for aces, it could be that simple.

They play together in the neighborhood volleyball team, which really isn't anything serious. It's just something he and his friends built up along the years, they fool around most of the time. But it's still fun.

He and Laura find a table near the window and sit with their beers before them. Akaashi's gaze trails outside, on the street, where the light has given up to the darkness and only golden street lamps illuminate the way. Every now and then a car passes by, but there's not many people around.

_"So"_ Laura catches his attention _"You have the alcohol"_ She gestures towards the beers. _"Talk."_

Akaashi nods and takes a large gulp from the glass, then lays his chin on the heel of his hand and looks up at his friend with puppy eyes. _"I've asked for extra shifts at the restaurant."_ He sighs.

_"What?"_ Her voice doesn't try to hide both shock and concern _"Why?"_

_"Money"_ he rolls his eyes _"duh."_

She shakes her head, disapproving of his decision. _"You're overworked."_

_"Maybe"_ he admits and takes another swing from the glass. _"But I need that money."_

_"No you don't"_ she glares at him. _"I've told you so many times that I can take care of..."_

He lifts a hand in the air between them to interrupt her. _"Don't. We've been over this."_

She sighs in defeat and, for a moment, she looks like she wants to add something, but decides to change topic instead. _"What about your past haunting you?"_

_"That"_ he points a finger to her face, while the other hand brings the beer back to his lips. He drinks it all in one gulp and stands up with the now empty glass _"Still not enough drunk for that."_ He admits and heads for the bar, but stops after one step and turns back around with a questioning glare. _"You still like Tequila, right?"_ He laughs while his eyes scan the room _"It's been so long since the last time we went drinking together."_

Laura rolls her eyes. _"Straight for the shots as always?"_

_"I'll take that as a yes."_ He winks playfully, spins on his heels and when he's back he's holding eight shots of tequila, lime slices and salt along with them on the tray.

Laura's eyes threaten to jump out of their orbits. _"What the fuck are you thinking? I have a child, you know?"_

_"I'm sorry, did I say I was sharing them?"_ He deadpans with a sly smile on his face.

_"Don't think I'm letting you drink alone."_ She glares at him, somewhat actually concerned. _"But I still have a son, I don't want him to wake up to me passed out on the couch."_ Laura shudders, remembering that it did happen to her when she was a child. More than once.

_"Sleep at mine?"_ He offers, drowning one shot right off the bat without even bothering to use the salt and lime. As a result, Akaashi grimaces at the sour taste. _"Awful."_

_"Keiji."_ The playfulness is gone from her tone and now she wears a stern glare. Akaashi freezes: she never uses his full name. _"It's a damn Thursday night. We've both gotta work tomorrow morning."_

_"Bummer"_ he tries to joke, but she doesn't cave in, so he sighs. _"I know. Let's just split them and call it a night, alright?"_

She nods, proud of herself, and eagerly rubs lime on her hand, covering it with salt. _"I'll take one every time you tell me one thing about that Japanese past stuff."_ She manages to earn a chuckle from him.

_"Bokuto is in Rome."_ He rushes the words out of his mouth, then licks lime and salt from his hand and drinks another shot.

Laura's eyebrows shoot to the ceiling while the glass is still up to her lips. _"Lover boy?"_ Akaashi reluctantly nods. _"What... who, how?"_ She looks just as shocked as Akaashi when he first saw Bokuto.

Akaashi is already preparing for his third shot when he looks up to the ceiling and then out of the window. _"Apparently, he got into Ali Roma and plays for them now."_ He throws his hands in the air and drops them back on his thighs, remembering he still has lime and salt smudged over it.

_"That same team as the other guy, the tall and scary one?"_ She inquires.

Akaashi just nods, in the middle of his shot. _"Yeah, the same as Kageyama-san."_ He sighs and sits back on his chair. Now the world has started to become dull and distant but, sadly, he knows he hasn’t drunk enough to blame it on the alcohol. _"He and Kuroo - his best friend - showed up at the tattoo shop_ _out of nowhere_ _to get a fucking tattoo."_

_"Yeah, I mean"_ she wiggles her eyebrows _"what else would they do in a tattoo shop?"_

_"It's just"_ his hands tug at his messy hair and he grunts in frustration _"so fucking absurd!"_ His voice comes out a tad too strong and he's the first to flinch. _"How many tattoo shops are there in Rome? And what was the chance that they'd show up right during my shift? The chance that we'd meet so casually?"_ He banters with sluggish words and dragged out sounds. He really is tired. _"I'll tell you: fucking zero chance!"_

_"Okay you obviously shouldn't drink that other shot."_ Her hand slides across the table to bring the remaining two full glasses closer.

_"Lauraaaaa"_ he's chanting at full volume now _"you're missing the point!"_ He slams his hands on the table with round eyes, trying to focus on Laura's face. _"Today I tattooed the fucking bicep of my fucking ex-boyfriend and I fucking got weird feelings!"_ Now he's just being loud, his persona totally transformed more because of stress than the modest presence of alcohol in his veins.

Laura brings her hand over Akaashi's on the table and looks him in the eye with a fake serious expression. _"Let me break it out to you"_ she smiles _"that's called being GAY."_

_"I'm not gay"_ he mutters under his breath, but she's still talking.

_"Yeah I know you're pansexual, tomayto-tomahto."_ She shrugs _"Plus, you sure say a lot of 'fuck's when you're drunk."_

_"Not drunk either"_ he mutters again, eyeing the glasses of amber liquor, now too far away from him.

_"You sure are more of a light weight then I remembered."_ She giggles and passes him another shot, knowing that he isn't even close to reaching his limit for the night. He's just being a brat, that's all.

_"I'm not drunk"_ his words are more sharp and well pronounced now _"I'm just trying to release stress here."_ He takes the drink she's offering and drowns it instantly.

_"I know"_ Laura nods with a reassuring smile.

_"I'm seeing him again next week"_ Akaashi's head falls to the back of his chair and a low moan echoes in the air above him as he squeezes his eyes shut. _"We're doing a freaking Japan volleyball reunion with Kuroo and Kageyama on Monday. I kind of want to see him but I also kind of want to bury myself into the concrete."_

_"Aw poor little Kei doesn't know what to do with his feelings."_ She coos with a pouty lip, placing her cheek on her hand.

_"Not funny"_ Akaashi complains childishly. He remains silent, staring into the distance behind his friend for a heartbeat, then his eyes focus back on her face. _"Maybe I should just fuck him."_

Laura looks unimpressed and perks up an eyebrow _"Pent up feelings and one night stands don't sit too well together, last time I checked."_

_"I know, but maybe it's not feelings"_ he smiles innocently with a shrug _"Maybe it's just that he's smoking hot"_ his mind replays the image of Bokuto's chest and arms _"And ripped"_ Akaashi shakes his head to free himself of dirty images. _"Maybe it's just that I'm sexually frustrated."_

_"How can you possibly be sexually frustrated when you have literally three different fuck buddies?"_ She deadpans and rolls her eyes.

_"I don't"_ he lifts one finger in her direction _"have 'fuck buddies'. They're just"_ he looks for the right word in his head _"...friends with benefits?"_

Laura gives him a disbelieving look and scoffs, but drops the matter. _"Just go with the flow, Kei. Take what you can and don't waste chances. Follow your heart."_

He's taken aback by the series of prepackaged sentences. _"Don't look at me like that, these are the wisest things I know."_ Laura shrugs. _"Just don't fuck it up."_

Akaashi takes a deep breath and nods slightly. Maybe he just needs to sleep it off.


	7. The gay club

Akaashi's phone buzzes from the pocket of his jacket and he stops in his tracks to read the message.

**_Filippo:_ **

**_Had fun last night! Want to meet up again for dinner?_ **

Akaashi sighs as he wonders why did he ask him to stay at his place last night. It's not like he usually sleeps with people, but yesterday somehow felt different. He needed - no, he craved - someone to hold. And it was a scary feeling he hasn’t felt in so long.

So, when he reads the message, he's happy to have an excuse to decline the offer.

**_Kei:_ **

**_Can't, I'm out with friends tonight._ **

**_Filippo:_ **

**_Alright, text me when you're free!_ **

As another sigh escapes his mouth, he puts his phone away and gets in his car to head home after work.

Filippo is a sweet guy, but sometimes Akaashi has the feeling that he may be looking for something more than just a friendship. He doesn't really want to hurt him, it's not like he has the time to deal with a relationship anyways. He's always made it clear that he had no feelings for Filippo, but this doesn't mean he doesn’t feel guilty or selfish every time he asks him to leave.

The drive is quick and soon he gets to his apartment.

Leaves have fallen from the trees, down on the sidewalk, and are covering the ground with a crispy brown and red carpet. He steps out of the car and breathes in the brisk air of the evening. The sky above him is scattered with small innocent clouds, which are gaining color every second, morphing from light pink into deep orange and red. He can't see the sun on the horizon because of the city buildings, but he knows it must be intense.

Despite everything that's happening in his life right now, he smiles.

He's feeling excited for tonight.

* * *

"What are you wearing tonight, Kageyama?"

Bokuto is bouncing on his heels when Kageyama enters the changing rooms. He's been overly energetic for the whole time during practice, acting even more over the top than usual.

Kageyama's faces pinches into a grimace and he swiftly starts to get changed. "Clothes."

Bokuto doesn't seem phased by his answer. In fact, he doesn't even seem to hear him, because he goes on about how he's been thinking for days about it and how Kuroo suggested he should wear some weird chequered trousers, but he wasn't sure if it was the case.

It turns out, he literally brought his whole wardrobe into the gym because he couldn't decide on what to wear and he didn't have the time to get back to the hotel and change.

Kageyama nods every once in a while, but then decides to just leave him alone and heads for the showers. Of course, Bokuto doesn't notice that he's talking to a wall now.

"Do you have a date?"

Bokuto's head snaps around to see the red-headed spiker approach him with a smile and a towel in his hands.

"God I wish it was a date!" He laughs with glimmering eyes "No, we're going out with friends and my ex... erm... partner happens to be amongst those friends." He explains innocently, struggling to find a neutral word to describe his relationship with Akaashi, not wanting to come out to the team just yet.

"Your ex, uh?" Ivan wiggles his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. "Why do I get the feeling that you're not over them."

Bokuto notices the use of pronouns and his heart leaps in his chest, because that was a very thoughtful way to let him know he's not being judged. His smile is impossibly even brighter. "I guess I miss him." He feels comfortable with using the male pronoun now, but gets lost in his thoughts in the process. "I really do." With those last words, the smile gets swiped off from his face.

Ivan doesn't seem to mind the fact that Bokuto's ex is actually a boy, he puts his arm around his shoulder and nudges his side. "I'll have you know that I consider myself quite stylish." He smiles and hints towards Bokuto's bag with his chin. "Let's find you something to wear."

And Bokuto is instantly back with his banter and beaming face.

* * *

"He's gonna think you're straight now!" Kuroo is sitting in the back of the cab, next to a pouty Bokuto.

"How so?" Bokuto answers with a timid but childish voice.

"Cause you lost all your sense of style. Can't let you sit in the gay club dressed like that."

"Excuse you! You are the one who said that green looked good on me, you bitch." Bokuto snarls back at him.

"I’ve never said you looked good dressed like my grandpa, though!" Kuroo leans over the seats to get his face closer to Bokuto's.

"Oh, yeah? Your grandpa can suck m-"

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." Kageyama turns around from the front seat and sends a deathly glare to the both of them, then he turns back around and, much to Bokuto and Kuroo's surprise, he speaks with the taxi driver.

In Italian.

The cab is quiet for a couple of seconds, then Kuroo is loud-whispering to Bokuto. "Did I just hallucinate?"

"Bro" Bokuto looks at him with shocked eyes. "I think we just shared the same hallucination."

"Cool." Kuroo mutters to himself, wondering if something like that was possible, then he directs his question to a steaming Kageyama. "When did you learn Italian?"

"I can only say a few things" he shrugs. "Akaashi's been giving me lessons for almost a month now."

Bokuto's ear extends on its own at the mention of the name. "Akaashi's teaching you?" His voice is small and strained, but he doesn't fully comprehend the reason why. "He hasn't mentioned anything."

"I asked him to" Kageyama simply explains. "He didn't accept at first, but then I offered to pay for it and now he's giving me lessons twice a week."

"TWice?!" Bokuto can't contain his surprise and almost chokes on his spit. Maybe it hurts just because he wasn't the first to think about it.

"Yeah, I'm paying him good money." He shakes his head, then exchanges some other word with the driver. "We're here."

They pay for the drive and step into the cold air. Bokuto scans the street without focusing on anything in particular and straightens his pale jeans. Then he freezes as a familiar sound reaches his eardrums.

"Bokuto-san, Kuroo-san, Kageyama-san" Akaashi bows slightly when he's close enough to them. "It seems we got here together." He smiles politely, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

Bokuto turns to look at him and, honestly, he wished he never did.

Akaashi looks so good in his dark leather jacket. He left it open on the front, revealing a deep-blue sweater which brings out the color in his eyes. He also wears loose and ripped black jeans, held up around his waist by a belt.

Bokuto feels his throat get dry and his mouth may have fallen slightly agape.

Suddenly, he realizes that Akaashi is hugging everyone and his cheeks instantly flush pink.

When his turn comes, he turns his back towards Keiji and starts walking along the pavement instead, pretending he didn’t notice. "So where is this place? I'm starving!" He casually throws an arm across Kuroo's shoulders, ignoring the warning glares he's sending towards him.

Akaashi keeps up with them and appears on Bokuto's side, apparently unbothered by his lack of attention. "Just over there." He points to a place a few meters away. "My friend works here and it's pretty close to my apartment, so I like to come to this place." He doesn't know why it sounds like he's explaining himself, when he knows there's no need to. "If that's alright with you."

"For once I agree with Bokuto, I'm starving." Kageyama perks up from behind Kuroo's head. "Practice was exhausting."

"I wouldn't mind practicing some more spikes though." Bokuto mumbles to himself, but it brings a small smile on Akaashi's lips as he remembers the times he would stay behind to practice with Bokuto until it was pitch dark outside.

A warm and sticky sensation spreads its tentacles through Akaashi's chest, enveloping his heart and squeezing it into a hot trap. He gulps a couple of times to get rid of it, but it's no use. So he chooses to just keep it there and steps into the pub.


	8. Stars in Tokyo - flashback

He and Bokuto were the only ones in the gym that evening. They both were used to practicing alone, even though every now and then they managed to persuade Konoha or Sarukui to tag along, but most of the times they would find excuses to go home.

The sun was already gone by a good hour and they had spent most of the time analyzing videos of their matches during the national tournaments. Akaashi didn't play that much, being a first year he only managed to get subbed in once and stayed on the court for less than ten minutes, but it was alright. They mostly watched Bokuto's videos.

Akaashi was pointing out some weird attitude Bokuto seemed to display every time he made a mistake. At first, he wasn't sure if he wanted to let his friend know about that, fearing that he might get offended, but when he did, Bokuto listened carefully.

Akaashi admires him for his constant will to grow and get better, he can see that criticisms actually hurt his pride but he makes a huge effort to take it seriously.

Now they are back in the locker room, getting dressed and chatting lightly about the chilly weather.

Bokuto watches Akaashi's back as he slides his sweatshirt over his head and finds his eyes trailing down his muscles. He’s caught himself doing things like that more and more often lately, especially after nationals, but he's not the type to overthink anything.

He knows he likes Akaashi, it's not like he tries to keep it a secret: he's been talking about him non-stop for months now, everyone from his mum to his teammates knows about it. The only one who seems still oblivious to his affection is Keiji himself.

"Hey, Agaashi" he says softly, sitting on the bench with his hands clenched together.

Akaashi turns around to let him know he's listening, but keeps putting away his stuff into his bag.

"I've been wondering for a while" Bokuto can't find the confidence to look him in the eye, so he just stares at his feet. "Are you really okay with practicing this late?"

Akaashi zips his bag closed and arches his eyebrows, not expecting such a question. "Yeah, of course I am" he shrugs. "I wouldn't stay if I wasn't really okay with it."

"No, I know, but like" while Bokuto struggles to express what he means, Akaashi's patiently waiting for him to find the words so he doesn't feel pressured.

"Like, my mum is constantly scolding me because I'm never at home and I just" he finally finds the courage to look into Akaashi's eyes, with a concerned expression "I don't want you to get in trouble with your family, that's all."

Akaashi laughs faintly and shakes his head. "Don't worry about that, my mum basically never gets angry and my father" he trails off, the smile fading away. He turns his back to Bokuto and wears his jacket. "Never mind. Don't worry about it anyways."

Bokuto stands up and joins him, exiting the gym and locking the door behind them. Something's weird about the way Akaashi talks about his father. That is, when he does talk about him. He rarely mentions him. Even if Bokuto is very open about his own father problems and he's told Keiji about how he left his family when he was still a child, Akaashi never opens up with him.

Bokuto is lost in his thoughts, wondering how to get him to talk, when Akaashi's voice interrupts him and cuts through the chilly night.

"Can we eat dinner together?"

Bokuto turns his head and watches his perfect profile, he loves how his nose is slightly turned upwards. He's so pretty.

"Sure" he nods "Same place as always?"

It's not rare for them to eat together after their late practice, but tonight something feels different. Something about the way Akaashi's eyes are covered by a veil of unspoken words is telling him that he's bothered. Bokuto doesn't want to ask, though, fearing that he might put too much pressure on him.

So they just sit in silence at the usual diner and they order the same onigiri and hamburger. Just like they always do.

But this time the silence is thick enough for Bokuto to hear his own pounding heartbeat. He decides to break it, trying to make the atmosphere less heavy.

"How are -"

"I'm sorry, Bokuto-san" Akaashi interrupts him and Bokuto instantly shuts his mouth. "I know I'm acting weird, it's just" he sighs heavily and his head slumps slightly forward "I have a difficult relationship with my father." He admits, taking another bite of his onigiri and spacing off.

Even though he's not talking anymore, Bokuto knows well to keep silent and let him speak his mind.

"We disagree. A lot." He nods to himself "And it's not like this would usually be a problem, since he's never at home, but" Akaashi takes a sip of water to help the bite down his throat "when you asked me about my family, I suddenly remembered that he's back tonight." He shrugs, not wanting to make it sound more dramatic than it actually is.

"Uh, I see" Bokuto mumbles, not sure if Akaashi has said everything he wanted to say. He's about to ask him to elaborate, but when he meets Keiji's eyes he understands that he's not ready to open up any further.

He smiles at himself because, even if it seems like Akaashi hasn't said much, he knows that they're getting there. "Wanna sleep over, then?"

Akaashi stands up, feeling his cheeks getting hotter by the second. "I don't know, I should ask..." he starts to walk outside and stops to wait for Bokuto, who's right behind him with puppy eyes.

Akaashi doesn't know if sleeping at Bokuto's house would be a good idea, since he has a crush on him and everything, but he knows that he doesn't have the mental energy to deal with his father tonight.

"That's cool with me" Bokuto smiles with his eyes. "We can stop by your house and then head to mine!"

"No, I'll just call my mum." Akaashi cringes at the thought of Bokuto meeting his father and fishes out his phone, starting to dial her number.

He knows there won't be a problem with him sleeping at a friend's, his mum always tries to keep a safe distance between Keiji and his father, knowing how much they usually fight.

As he expected, she's happy with the idea. "Thanks mum, I love you too."

When he hangs up he finds Bokuto's eyes on him and instantly blushes.

"She sounds lovely." He states, lifting his gaze to the sky and walking aimlessly.

"She is." Akaashi nods, then luckily he catches Bokuto's arm right before he crashed into a street lamp. "Why don't you look where you're going?"

Bokuto glances towards him for a split second, then returns his attention to the night sky. "It's rare to see stars in Tokyo." He whispers.

Akaashi finds his eyes lift to look at the sky even if his brain didn't quite register the movement and he admits that he can see a couple of stars, not much though. "Yeah, it's quite unusual" he admits, but then looks back at Bokuto. "You'll trip if you don't look where you're going though."

Bokuto's lips curl slightly into a side smile. Without looking away from the stars, he extends his arm towards Akaashi, his palm turned up and his fingers spread wide. "Hold my hand then."

He wasn't expecting Akaashi to take him seriously. He thought he'd shove him off or laugh at him.

Instead, he doesn't make a sound as he lets his long and elegant fingers intertwine with Bokuto's strong and sturdy ones.

Neither one of them says a word on their way home, but the silence sounds peaceful.


	9. Scary Bokuto

Akaashi wasn't planning on drinking tonight, but his friends seem to think otherwise.

He looks thoughtfully at the amber liquid in his glass and gently sways his wrist to let the beer oscillate inside. He was excited to go out with his old friends at first, but now he realizes that he didn't consider the emotional consequences of the whole thing.

Every time someone mentions Japan or high school, his heart sinks deeper in his chest and he feels suffocated by his own tongue.

He puts down the glass and his fingers play lazily with the crumbs of pizza left in his plate. He lost his appetite somewhere along the conversation, which now concerned the nationals of 2012.

"Agaashi?"

His voice is soft, an unusual volume for Bokuto. Keiji lifts his eyes from the table to meet a pair of golden ones. They are so kind and look at him as if he was about to break.

"Do you still play volleyball?" Bokuto questions with the tiniest smile.

Akaashi's chest is instantly lighter thanks to the change of topic. "Actually, I do."

Bokuto's eyes crinkle at the sides when he hears the answer and Keiji can't hold himself from mirroring him.

"I didn't know that!" Kuroo exclaims, his second glass of beer now empty. "You don't post enough in Instagram, bro."

Akaashi clicks his tongue and sways his head to the side. "I'm not really that kind of social guy."

"But" Bokuto's gaze is still on Akaashi, incapable of focusing on anything else "where are you playing?"

"It's just an amateur thing I built up with some of my friends."

"You built up a team?" Bokuto sits straight on his chair and his eyebrows shoot to the root of his hair. "Does that mean you're a coach now?"

Akaashi surprises himself with a loud laugh. "Oh my God, no! I wouldn't have the time to do that." His laughs die down slowly, Bokuto watching him in awe. "No, it's just that when I was younger I found some friends at the place me and my grandma used to go for the summer. Actually, the guy who works here, Simone, is one of them. We played a lot of beach volleyball together and when they went to uni, they found an apartment in this neighborhood. So we just kept playing together in a gym of an elementary school."

Everyone's silent, not used to hear him talking that much. Akaashi realizes that something is off, Kageyama is the only one who doesn't seem affected by the atmosphere. "Shoyo plays beach volley, too" he speaks between bites of his pizza. "Did I tell you?"

"No, but I knew about that" Akaashi nods. "We've been talking a little over Messenger."

As the others get into a conversation about the rules of beach volley, one single thought runs freely through Bokuto's mind: 'Why has everyone kept in touch with Akaashi, except for me?'

He feels his bad mood wash over him and he doesn't know how to block the negative thoughts out. So he decides to take a large gulp of his beer and force his attention back to the conversation.

"Akaashi-chan" Akaashi feels weird, Kuroo has never used the ‘chan’ nickname with him. But then he notices that the raven's cheeks are flushed and decides to blame it on the alcohol. "I think I want a piercing, too!"

He's cut off by the waiter, who lays another beer in front of him and Bokuto. They both thank him and then Kuroo is back at talking to Akaashi. "Does it hurt?"

"Well, it depends..." Akaashi folds his arms on the table and sighs.

"On what?" This time it's Bokuto speaking.

Keiji looks at him with one eyebrow raised. "On where you do it, obviously?" he scoffs.

Bokuto seems to agree with this and nods absent-mindedly. "Which one hurt you the most?"

"Oh" Akaashi has to think just one second about it "this one hurt like a bitch." He shows his tongue piercing, parting his lips.

Bokuto literally drowns on his beer and his eyeballs threaten to fall off their sockets. He stands up, coughing and wheezing dramatically, punching his chest. His face is tomato red and he wishes he could blame it on the beer.

Akaashi chuckles under his hand, amused at the straight-forward reaction, and exchanges a look with Kuroo, who just smiles slyly and shrugs.

"I'm fine, thanks for your concern." Bokuto complains when he sits back at the table.

Simone comes to clean the table, taking with him empty plates and glasses, then he stops next to Akaashi to talk to him. Bokuto tries to ignore the stinging feeling in his chest, but he couldn't eavesdrop even if he tried, because of course he doesn't understand Italian. "Kageyama" he catches his attention "Do you understand what they're saying?"

Kageyama shifts his focus on their conversation and squints his eyes, as if he could read subtitles of their words. "Not much" he admits "I think I only understand curse words."

"Alright" Bokuto instantly says, but then he double-checks and smirks. "Why do you already know curse words in Italian?"

"To learn how to insult you in a different language, obviously." He deadpans.

When the waiter walks away, Akaashi stands up and Bokuto is confused. "I'm sorry, there's uhm... someone looking for me" he clears his throat. "I'll be right back."

And with that, he vanishes out of the door.

The pub isn't densely crowded, being a Monday night and everything, so Bokuto's eyes easily trail out of the window to follow Akaashi along the pavement.

He stops right under a lamp post, where another guy is lazily waiting, leaning on a motorcycle.

Bokuto's breath gets stuck in his lungs when the guy holds Akaashi's cheeks and kisses him deeply.

"Fuck" Kuroo's voice comes from beside him, but it doesn't quite reach Bokuto's ears. He feels trapped in a bubble and suddenly his eyes become unable to leave the scene on the other side of the glass.

-

Akaashi can't possibly imagine what Filippo wants from him this time.

He's told him he was busy, so he wonders what could be so important that Filippo felt the need to go out and look for him.

He can't hide the scold on his face when he sets his foot outside. He doesn't like that he's been interrupted right when he was starting to have a nice time with people he hasn't seen for eight freaking years.

He prepares himself to tell him to fuck off and feels anger surge through his body when he sees Filippo smile at him. " _What do you think you're doing here?"_ He's still far from him, but he knows he can hear him.

" _I missed you_ " Filippo shrugs and displays a grin that should have been cute but turns out only patronizing.

 _"I didn't"_ Akaashi decides to go for straight answers, without leaving him the chance of a doubt. He steps closer, arms folded on his chest and narrowed eyes.

" _Don't say that_ " Filippo gives him puppy eyes and for a moment Akaashi even feels bad about the harshness seeping through his words. His expression might have relaxed a bit because of the guilt, but he could never imagine that the other guy would have interpreted that as a green light.

Akaashi holds his breath when he feels Filippo's cold hands on his hot flushed cheeks. Suddenly, his lips are claimed by him and he's frozen.

His eyes widen in shock and his fists clench the fabric of his own leather jacket, trying to recoil from his touch. Filippo's hands are holding him still, so he pushes hardly against his chest and makes him stumble backwards, trying to put some distance between them.

" _What the fuck?!"_ He yells, his face red with anger.

Filippo takes one step forward, but it only results in Akaashi taking one back, towards the door of the pub. " _Stop ignoring me_!" Filippo complains.

" _Stay away from me_." Akaashi is definitively on defensive mode right now. He's never thought of Filippo as a violent person, and even if what he did can't exactly be considered violent, he still didn't ask for consent.

" _Why?"_ Filippo's arms fall by his sides and he looks defeated. Akaashi's aggressive stance becomes less stiff and he lets him take one step towards him without recoiling.

" _I am in love with you, Kei_." His hand catches Akaashi's one, but the physical contact isn't something he wants right now.

Akaashi pulls his hand back, but finds that Filippo's grip is actually pretty strong. " _Let go of me_ " he pulls harder, stumbling back when his hand is finally released. He braces himself for the impact against the door, but the wooden frame never hits him. His fall is stopped by a soft and warm fabric and he bounces against someone.

"Is something wrong?"

Akaashi's eyes snap to the owner of the voice, having recognized him just by the sound of it. He admits he's reassured that he's not alone anymore, but he also feels as if he's being rescued, which doesn't exactly sit right with him. "I'm fine" he mumbles.

Bokuto's arm wraps protectively around Akaashi's waist and he holds him close to his side, scrutinizing his face, looking for injuries. When he's sure he's alright, he lets go a little and gives him the chance to go away from his embrace. Akaashi takes the chance and Bokuto pretends his heart didn't crack a little.

" _Who's this?"_ Filippo is looking at Bokuto with wild eyes and his gaze flickers for a second between him and Akaashi.

Bokuto is standing tall and stiff, a couple of steps in front of Akaashi. He admits that it's nice to have someone looking like a bouncer by his side, he can see the shadow of a doubt passing through Filippo's eyes.

" _You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend!"_ Filippo exclaims, takes a step back and doesn't dare to make a move.

" _Man, he played us! He cheated on you!"_ He yells at Bokuto this time, who answers by simply lifting one eyebrow, the serious look never leaving his face.

Akaashi almost snorts, finding the situation kind of funny. " _He doesn't understand you_ " Filippo's eyes flash with confusion. " _He speaks Japanese_."

" _What the fuck?"_ Now Filippo is visibly shaking as he runs back to his motorbike, his eyes never leaving Bokuto. " _I'm leaving, alright? Tell him to chill out!"_ His hands fumble to close the strap of his helmet.

" _I'll tell him a_ _s soon as you're gone_." As if knowing what he's saying, Bokuto takes another step forward, resulting in Filippo rushing on the bike and speeding down the street without even finishing to secure the helmet.

As soon as he disappears around the corner, Akaashi doubles down laughing loudly and clutching his stomach.

Bokuto turns to look at him, with worried eyes, but then he's mesmerized by the sound and finds himself joining the laugh.

"I can't believe it!" Akaashi manages to say between heavy breaths. "Oh my God, you were soooo scary!" He stands straighter, still laughing hard and crying from the excess of laughter.

"Bet he pissed himself!"

"Did you see his face?" Akaashi leans on him for support and his laughs slowly wear off, leaving his eyes wet and a smile on his face. "Thank you for that."

Bokuto doesn't know where to place his hands, so he decides to rest them lightly on Akaashi's back. "No problem" he says in a soft voice. "I hope I scared him off for good."

Akaashi sighs and looks at nothing behind Bokuto. "I doubt that" his lips curve downward on one side "I probably owe him some explanation."

"Wait" Bokuto holds him by the shoulders and seems embarrassed for a second. "You weren't together, were you?"

"Nah, he's just... someone I met at a party." Akaashi shakes his head and smiles at him. He could be wrong, but Bokuto's eyes glint with something similar to relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> So, apparently this story is going somewhere serious and I have to tell you, my dear readers, that I have two more chapters ready and waiting to be published. BUT, unfortunately, Uni is a bitch so from now on it'll be harder for me to post everyday, even more so since the chapters I'm writing are longer and take more time to be revised.  
> I plan to post weekly from now on, I'm sorry and I hope you won't mind it! I'm happy you read my story up to this point, anyways! <3


	10. Just like we used to do

He doesn’t know how, but he ends up walking down the streets along with Akaashi.

Alone.

Kageyama left short after they came back inside the pub, claiming he had a sleep schedule and couldn't stay out late. Kuroo went back to the hotel only once they decided to leave and go for a walk, saying he had a plane to take the next day and he still needed to pack his bags.

Bokuto has a feeling that Kuroo found an excuse to leave the two of them alone and play cupid, because he knows that his plane is taking off late in the afternoon. He doesn't know if he feels grateful that he finally has a chance to talk with Akaashi or if he's annoyed that he has to face him without anyone else to hold him back from saying something stupid.

"How do you like Rome?" Akaashi breaks the silence with his soft spoken manners.

Bokuto is brought back to the reality and he blinks twice to get a hold of his surroundings. Akaashi is peacefully strolling down the sidewalk by his side, hands buried deep in his jacket. He's looking at the park on their right, the glimmering lights of the street lamps reflecting into his eyes.

"It's beautiful." He whispers.

"Right?" Akaashi gives him a smile, looking at him just briefly before turning back to the park. "What did you see so far?"

"Not that much" he admits "I've been pretty busy with the new apartment and practice. I still have stuff to move into my new room and Kuroo's been helping but it's still" he sighs and kicks a rock on the ground "It's a big change, you know? It's a lot to take in."

"Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about." Akaashi nods staring into the distance.

"Of course you do, sorry." He's suddenly feeling self-conscious and rubs the back of his head.

"What are you sorry about?" Akaashi looks amused.

"You had to move under pretty harsh circumstances."

"That was never your fault." He states, deadly serious, looking straight into his eyes. Bokuto gulps and nods, releasing a breath. "Where are you staying now?"

Bokuto is back at gesticulating dramatically, happy for the change of topic. "I'm staying really close to the sports hall, and the place is so pretty. The sports society is partially helping me with the rent, but I still have to share the apartment with a roommate. He's not too bad, doesn't talk much." He shrugs, thinking about how Paolo hasn't been talking to him at all since he moved in.

"You should be in the Flaminio district, right?" Akaashi rhetorically asks Bokuto a question he's not sure how to answer. "That's pretty cool, indeed. It must be around half an hour of subway from here."

"Yeah pretty much" Bokuto nods, still confused about Italian names. "What about you?"

"I live a couple of minutes down this road, cause I am lucky enough to still have my grandma's apartment. I could never afford a place in this part of the city on my own, it's really expensive." He shakes his head. "This district is called Rione Sallustiano, it's basically the inner city."

Bokuto is used to Akaashi being more secretive than that, and for a mere second he debates on whether or not should he ask further. "I'm not used to hear you talk about money issues" he half jokes.

He remembers Akaashi's family as more than wealthy. Actually, they were stinking rich. He wonders if Akaashi's just being overdramatic or if he's seriously having economic problems.

"Me neither" he laughs sarcastically, then he stops in his tracks and lifts his eyes from the ground, looking straight in front of him.

Bokuto follows his gaze and realizes that they are standing in front of a huge fountain, he didn't even notice they were going somewhere until they got there. Now he's awestruck, staring at the white marbles shining through the crystalline waters.

"Come" Akaashi lightly tugs at his sleeve and gestures for them to descend the steps to reach the base of the fountain. There, he sits beside him on a marble bench, eyes never leaving the scene before his eyes.

"You like it?"

Bokuto doesn't notice that Akaashi's eyes are set on him until he speaks. "It's so beautiful" he whispers "What's this?"

"It's called Trevi Fountain" Akaashi nods and Bokuto turns back to the sculpture. "It represents Neptune, the god of the seas."

They sit there in a contemplative silence for a couple of minutes, then Bokuto turns to look at Akaashi. "Thank you for bringing me here."

Akaashi smiles sincerely, then his eyes become clouded and distant. Bokuto knows that Akaashi's about to tell him something more and he waits with anticipation, as if he was a little child waiting for the bedtime story.

"My parents left me quite a wealthy inheritance, as you know" he fidgets with his fingers and Bokuto holds back the urge to hold his hand to stop him. "But, for various reasons, what is left now is close to nothing." He tilts his head, looking down at his feet "When I got here I was so broken" his voice cracks while he shakes his curls "I didn't care about managing money, I just wanted to stop" he lifts his head, looking for the words into the fountain water "I wanted to stop thinking. And feeling."

"Kaashi" Bokuto whispers and places a hand on his shoulder, enveloping him in a side embrace, without questioning if it was appropriate. It just feels right.

"It's okay" he accepts and leans into Bokuto's touch "I'm better now. But back in the days, I didn't care too much about my future. So when the time came for me to use my parents' money" he opens his arms, palms turned upwards "I just didn't have anything left."

"I see" is the only thing Bokuto manages to say.

They fall back into silence, which is heavier than before, but Bokuto doesn't mind because Akaashi is still accepting his hug, leaning his head on his shoulder.

"It's a shame you haven't seen the city yet." Akaashi suddenly changes the topic.

"Well, I've seen something" he tries to defend himself.

"Like what?" Akaashi chuckles, feeling the edge of competitiveness in his voice.

"Like" Bokuto has to think hard about it, the last few weeks being a blur from which only boxes, practices and Akaashi seem to stand out. "The river?"

Akaashi laughs whole heartedly, he's shaking so hard that Bokuto's arm falls off his shoulders. He tries to remain serious, but a laughing Akaashi is such a rare sight. Or at least, it is to him. "What's so funny?"

"You're so stupid" Akaashi manages to say in between laughs.

"Well thank you" he deadpans and scoffs.

Akaashi bounces his shoulder into his, still smiling "Come on, don't get into your emo mode now."

And Bokuto can't refrain from smiling back at him. He finds himself staring into the depths of Akaashi's eyes, the smile fading gradually and old memories resurfacing.

"It's getting late" Akaashi breaks the moment and stands up. "Come on, I'll drive you home."

Bokuto is puzzled at first, but he stands up swiftly and follows him back up the steps and across the street. "You don't need to drive me home, I can take the subway."

Akaashi slows down and shakes his head. "It's fine, it won't take longer than 15 minutes." He nods, then adds as if on a second thought "I'd rather drive you then let you take the subway after midnight, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto's cheeks flush red. Is Akaashi trying to look out for him? "I grew up in Tokyo, you know. I don't think the subway scares me anymore."

"That's not what I meant." Keiji rushes to explain himself. "You're new here and you could get lost. Getting lost in a big city this late in the night isn't pretty." He states, trying to cover his concern with pure logic.

Bokuto sees right through him, though, and giggles. "I'm big and scary, I don't think I'd be in danger."

Akaashi gives him a side look and his mouth starts to curl into a smile, which then turns into another fit of laughter.

"I'm sorry, I just remembered about Filippo" he holds his chest and grabs Bokuto's arm for support. "You scared him off for good!"

"And why is that funny?" Bokuto complains but he's smiling widely. "Don't you find me scary?" He asks with a hint of disappointment, while Akaashi's laughs wear off.

"Not at all, Bokuto-san."

Akaashi gingerly slides his hand down Bokuto's arm until he reaches his palm and casually intertwines their fingers. The other’s hand his hot against his cold skin and he smiles.

Bokuto looks straight in front of him, worried that he might be dreaming and Akaashi might disappear if he looks at him too much.

But, as time passes by, Keiji doesn't vanish and they walk the rest of the way hand in hand, without saying a word.

Just like they used to do.


	11. Give me your energy - flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers, it's my duty to inform you that in this chapter the angst is going to get real. Please don't read this if angst triggers you or makes you uncomfortable. Stay safe!

Akaashi is getting used to walking with Bokuto hand in hand.

It has happened regularly in the last week, mostly walking home from practice. A couple of times they even held hands in front of the rest of the second years, during school. No one seemed to notice, though, and Akaashi couldn't be happier.

He's lying on the bed, facing the ceiling, holding his hands on his tummy and gently stroking his thumbs together, just like Bokuto did half an hour ago.

He can feel that he's falling hard for the boy. If it's true that it started like a petty crush, now it's turning into something more serious and it's happening too fast.

He finds himself thinking about him every single day, but the thoughts aren't the same as they used to be a month ago. He used to imagine Bokuto and him being together, happily, in a parallel universe.

Now his mind is making up more realistic scenes, imagining what the other would be doing, when they would see each other again; not to mention that he constantly lives over and over again the moments they share when they are alone.

He's currently thinking about the way Bokuto's eyes glimmered in the dark while he was walking him home after practice today, but he's brutally brought back to the present by the sound of heavy stomps in the hallway, getting closer to his door. His shoulders and back instantly tense up.

"Keiji" his father storms into the room, without even bothering to knock. He looks like he has something to tell him, but seems to forget about it when his eyes lay on his son. Now he wears a confused look and his mouth is twitching. "What the hell were you doing?"

Akaashi just turns his head towards him and shrugs. "Thinking."

His father sighs heavily, shaking his head in a disapproving gesture. "Dinner's ready." He states and exits the room.

Akaashi knows better than to slack off behind him, so he stands up and quickly shuffles out of the room.

At the kitchen table the air is tense, as it always is when both he and his father are home.

His mum has made _nanohana no karashiae_ (rape blossoms with soy sauce) for the occasion, his favorite dish. Obviously it tastes delicious, but Akaashi bites his tongue, fearing the buzzing tension in the air.

"Mara" his dad catches the attention of his mother just with the sound of his voice, without even looking at her. "Does our son always waste his time laying on his bed instead of helping his mother when I’m not home?"

Keiji would roll his eyes at the snarky remark, but refrains from doing so, not wanting to get into a fight. "I would have helped her, but I didn't know she needed help in the first place." He defends himself with a whisper.

"I am talking to your mother." His father cuts him off with a daring glare.

"Don't start a fight again, Ryo." Mara looks pointedly at her husband, who seems to consider her point.

The table is quiet for a while longer, before Ryo clears his throat. Keiji would rather bury himself into the ground than hear what's about to come out of his mouth.

"What were you thinking about, Keiji?"

Keiji coughs loudly, he didn't expect to hear this particular question and is caught off guard. His mum passes him a glass of water, which he gulps down before lifting his gaze and finding his dad waiting for an answer with a demanding glare. "Uhm... school stuff?" Akaashi's never been good at lying, so he usually tells half-truths if he really needs to.

His father scoffs and chews on the vegetables. "School stuff must be interesting then, your face was red."

Keiji bets his face is turning red once again. He shrinks in on himself, wishing he could just blend into the wall and never be found again.

"Ryo! I said cut it off." His mum speaks slowly but menacingly, pointing her chopsticks towards him.

"No, you should stop protecting him. You're spoiling your son." Ryo argues back and Mara doesn't have the time to answer. "You were thinking about someone, weren't you?"

Keiji doesn't know why, but it sounds like a tricky question. If he answers no he'd be lying, but if he says yes then his father would get mad again.

He's still pondering the answer, when his father's voice booms again against the walls, low and on edge. "Were you thinking about a boy?"

Again, tricky question. His eyes flicker to his mum, begging her to take him off the hook, but he finds her stroking her forehead in a soothing manner, probably trying to ease a headache.

"Answer me, Keiji!" Ryo slams his fist on the table, making the cutlery jump and sway around.

Akaashi flinches visibly at the loud noise and the next thing he knows is his mum rushing him upstairs and yelling at his father to calm down.

He's alone in his room now, everything around him is reduced to a blur and his head throbs around his ears. He can hear loud voices coming from somewhere, but they sound so distant. It feels like a dream, like being trapped inside a bubble of mock reality. He knows the feeling. His eyes instinctively float towards the bathroom while his shaky legs are telling him that he's about to throw up, so he finds himself in front of the door even before his brain can process it.

His hand turns the handle, but he jumps on the place as his phone starts ringing and vibrating inside his pocket, bursting the bubble he was trapped in. Shaky hands seem to work well enough to take it out and check the caller ID.

His heart flutters when he reads who's calling him. The feeling is so different from what he was experiencing only seconds earlier. He doesn't think about how his voice would sound or what would he be able to say, he just knows that he can't hung up on him.

So he presses the green button and lifts the phone to his ear.

"Hey, hey Agaashi!" Bokuto is loud, but a different kind from his father. Somehow, he's a nice loud. "I'm sorry for calling you so late, but I have something urgent to ask."

Keiji can hear Bokuto's smile through the phone and his knees get weak. He has to turn around and head back to his bed to sit down. Only then he realizes that he's been too quiet for a phone call with Bokuto.

"Hey, Keiji, is everything alright?" The loudness is gone from his voice, now soft and caring.

Akaashi tries to answer, but finds that his lip is trembling and it doesn't stop even after he bites down on it. He lifts one hand to keep it still and his fingers touch wet skin. He didn't even know he was crying.

"Can I come over?" Bokuto's voice comes as a soothing sound through the speaker and Keiji can hear the sound of a door slamming shut.

"Don't." He's surprised by the sound of his voice, cracked and hoarse, so he clears his throat. Useless to say, it turns out not being helpful.

"Keiji what's wrong?" Bokuto ignores him as his voices gets always more worried and urgent. "Don't shut me out, please."

Keiji takes a deep and shaky breath, but when he exhales it turns into a sob. "It's alright." He's forced to lie now, knowing that if Bokuto came to his house the situation would only get worse.

"It's not, though" Bokuto insists, stubbornly. "Babe, I can hear you're crying."

Akaashi shuts his eyes at the nickname and falls with his back onto the mattress and his head on the pillow, turning off the light in hope that the throb in his head would fade away.

"What can I do? Just tell me, I'd do anything I promise." Bokuto offers, almost whining.

"Just" Keiji rubs his eyes with the back of his hand "Maybe just tell me something."

"Of course" Bokuto whispers and then he's quiet for just a heartbeat, before his cheerful and loud voice comes back and he's telling Akaashi about how his brothers are constantly trying to piss him off and how he started a new manga which he really liked. Akaashi remembers hearing only half of the manga's plot, something about a hero society and a delusional boy with an impossible dream.

The next morning, he wakes up with the phone in his hand. The headache is gone, but last night is reduced to a blur of events. The only thing he remembers is the phone call with Bokuto.

* * *

The air is chilly in the morning, but Bokuto doesn't mind it as he walks down the road leading to Akaashi's house.

They live just a couple of roads away from each other, he found this out the first time Akaashi stayed at the gym to practice until late and they went home together.

The sun was up, the sky a deep shade of blue and everything seemed to cherish the new beginning of life. It was the first day of spring, Bokuto's favorite season.

Despite all of this, he walks with a heavy weight in his chest and his steps feel like walking on the moon. He can't shake off the feeling that something is wrong. After last night's call with Akaashi, he talked to his mum and told her what happened on the phone. She suggested he went to Akaashi's to tell him in person what he originally meant to ask last night, as an excuse to just check on him.

This is what upsets him the most: he wishes he never felt the need to check on him.

Instead, here he is in front of their door. He gulps a couple of times and jumps on the place to shake off his nerves.

'Come on, Kotaro, you can do this. He said his mum is lovely, let's hope she's the one to open the door.'

He's still trying to build up the courage to knock or ring the doorbell, when the door screeches around the handle and opens with a swift movement.

Bokuto takes a few steps back, eyes wide and ready to run away. He must look like a creep, standing in front of their house like that.

But he soon relaxes when he sees the smile on the woman's face. He guesses she's Akaashi's mum, mainly because she’s giving off the same quiet and peaceful vibe as Keiji.

"I didn't mean to scare you, I just saw you standing here from the kitchen window and figured you were looking for someone." She holds her hands up in front of her chest, gesturing for him to come closer.

When he does, he’s definitively convinced that she's Keiji's mother: they have exactly the same mixture of blue and green in their eyes.

"In fact I was, ma'am." He bows respectfully and she instantly tells him to stand up, uncomfortable with the formal gesture.

"Please just call me Mara." She extends her hand for him to shake and he immediately takes it. "You must be Bokuto Kotaro, Keiji's been talking a lot about you."

Bokuto tries to hide the smug face that comes with the knowledge of being on Akaashi's mind. "That's correct, ma'am... I mean, Mara." He quickly corrects himself and licks his lips before going into details about why he's here. "I was wondering if I could see Keiji" his eyes involuntarily scan the inside of the house, behind Mara's back, but he catches himself before it becomes too rude. "You see, I am going to visit my grandparents for a week in Sakura, Tochigi prefecture, and I always get bored when I'm there so... uhm..." he hasn't realized that he's started to fidget with his fingers while talking, a habit he surely picked up from Akaashi. "Yeah so my mum said I could bring a friend and I kinda wanted to ask him to come, if that's alright for you of course." He feels a light blush creep onto his cheeks when he says the last sentence.

Mara is still smiling reassuringly and puts a hand on his shoulder. "I think a week away from here is just what he needs." She nods and almost laughs when relief and happiness are written all over Bokuto's face. "I'm afraid you'll have to wake up Keiji yourself though, he hasn't come out of his room yet." She steps aside and gestures for him to enter.

Bokuto instantly removes his shoes and takes in his surroundings. He's standing in a narrow corridor, one door opens on a living room while the others are all closed. At the end of the hallway, a wooden staircase climbs up to the first floor. Mai tells him to go upstairs and enter the only room with a closed door. She says that Keiji is the only one sleeping on the first floor, so he can't miss his room.

He almost feels like asking where Akaashi's father is, but refrains from doing so, fearing that it might be rude. He just follows Mara's directions and soon finds what should be the door to Keiji's room. He knocks once but hears no response, so he knocks again, slightly louder this time, and hears a soft thud and a grunt on the other side.

He holds his breath before knocking a third time, this time Akaashi's voice answers him. " 'm not hungry."

It's kind of groggy and choked, but he shakes off the weird feeling and takes a deep breath before letting his voice travel through the wood of the door. "Keiji?" He stops, waiting to hear an answer or any sound that might give off Akaashi's presence. "I'm Kotaro" he adds for good measure.

After this, he clearly hears someone shuffle around and soon he can dixtinguish the muffled thud of feet walking on the parquet. The door doesn't make a sound when it opens.

Akaashi is a mess.

A cute mess, if Bokuto may say.

His bed hair is messy around his temples and sticking out at unusual angles, he's wearing a light blue pajamas and furry socks. His eyes are restless as they try to run away from Bokuto's ones, but he doesn't talk at all. Bokuto is still trying to assess his mood, when Akaashi grasps his wrist and pulls him into his room without making a sound.

Bokuto doesn't know if he's flustered or confused, or maybe both. He opens his mouth to ask what he's doing, but Keiji precedes him and smacks one hand across his mouth, lifting one finger to his lips to tell him to be quiet. Bokuto lifts one eyebrow in question, but eventually gives up, shoulders slumping forward and eyes rolling to the ceiling.

"How did you get in?" Akaashi whispers, still keeping his hand near Bokuto's mouth, in case he decides to use his loudest voice right in this moment.

"Your mu-" as he guessed, Bokuto answers with his normal volume, which is still too loud, so he shuts his mouth again "-mnhflmtmn"

"Keep your voice down, please."

Bokuto doesn't understand why he should be quiet, but he doesn't feel like having his mouth shut again so he just complies. "Your mum let me in."

Akaashi seems satisfied with the answer and lowers his arm. "So he has left. Good." He mutters to himself, voice almost back to normal.

Bokuto isn't the smartest person in the world and he knows that, but he doesn't have to be a rocket scientist to understand who he's talking about. His eyebrows knit together and his mouth thins in a straight line. "What happened, Keiji?"

Akaashi's eyes fleet to Bokuto's ones. Even if it lasts only for a split second, it's still enough for Kotaro to understand that he's been crying and he doubts he's been sleeping well, taking a guess from his puffy eyes.

"Nothing." He shrugs weakly "My father was home and we argued, that's all." His head hangs low on his chest as he tries to put some distance between himself and Bokuto. He feels so dirty and tired right now, he never wished for him to see him in this state. "Everything's alright now, thanks for the concern." He really hopes he would go away and leave him alone, he doesn't feel like getting up from his bed today and he has already wasted too much energy talking with Bokuto.

Bokuto watches him sit back on his bed, shoulders slumped down and arms resting lightly on his thighs. He seems exhausted. Without second guessing his actions, he crouches down before him and takes his hands in his own, resting them on Akaashi's thighs. "I came to ask you something" he surprises himself with the change of topic, but it's too late now to take it back.

Akaashi lifts his eyes from his lap, to look him in the eye. Without producing a sound, his expression asks him to go on. And Bokuto does. "I'm leaving this afternoon to see my grandparents in Sakura and I'd really like you to come with me." His eyes burn deep holes into Akaashi's soul, but neither one of them seems to mind it. They just stare at each other, hypnotized. "I’ve already talked to your mum and she is happy about it, but of course it's up to you." He gives him a small smile, hoping to convince him.

Akaashi doesn't really feel like doing anything but sleeping today, his whole body aching from the lack of energy and his brain buzzing from being overused. Even if he was able to find the will to go, somewhere in his body, he's terrorized by the thought that he could have an episode in front of Bokuto.

But when he looks down and he's met with those large shiny eyes, full of hope and concern, he can't find it in himself to let him down. He sighs loudly, closing his eyes and hoping he won't regret his decision. Bokuto's hands squeeze his fingers as if he knows what he's thinking, as if he’s asking him to take some of his energy. Akaashi decides to borrow it. He nods and feels his heart flutter in his chest when Bokuto jumps to his feet to hug him, making the both of them fall backwards on the mattress.

"Thank you Agaashi!"


	12. Will you toss for me?

The luggage is heavy but Bokuto doesn't seem to mind. He's been rambling about the time he spent with Akaashi last night ever since he got to the hotel, hours ago.

Kuroo sighs, exhausted by his constant excitement. "You do know that I'm leaving, don't you?"

Bokuto stops midsentence, with his mouth still open. His shoulders slump back, eyebrows knitting together while a pout shows up on his lips. "Of course I know, bro." He stops on the stairs and looks down at Kuroo, a couple of steps under him. "I'm just trying to distract myself, cause I know that... I'll miss you."

Kuroo's heart melts when Bokuto tears up. "I'll miss you too." He takes a deep breath before descending the last few steps. "We can video call though and you can always message me, right?" He stands in front of the cab, arms propped against his hips and head tilted to the side.

Bokuto nods, but now his mood has changed drastically and there's nothing he can do about it. Still pouting, he falls into his friend's hug and bites down the tears threatening to spill out. He has kind of an issue with saying goodbye, he's always too clingy and dramatic when it comes to it. It's not like he won't see Kuroo ever again, it's just going to be a long time before it happens.

Eventually, Kuroo has to climb into the cab and Bokuto is left alone on the sidewalk.

"Oi" Kuroo rolls down his window "Don't mope around too much." He winks and with that the car drives away.

Bokuto watches the back of the cab disappear into the traffic and when he can no longer see it, he just stares into distance. It’s been too fast. A feeling of emptiness washes over his body, settling down into his chest and swallowing him up. He exhales slowly and tilts his chin upwards. Perfect: it's about to rain. What a way to cheer him up.

He takes a few aimless steps down the street, but soon his feet bring him to the subway station, where he sits on a bench with his head in his hands.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, bringing him back to the present. Sniffling and clearing his eyes from the remaining tears, he takes it.

The notification sends an electric shiver through his arms, a strong contrast with the loneliness he was feeling. Involuntarily, he smiles through the tears and opens the message.

**Unknown number:**

**Hello, this is Akaashi. Sorry for reaching out so late, I've been busy with work.**

Bokuto swallows the knot in his throat, his mind replaying the moment when he gave him his number before getting out of the car last night, and his fingers tremble just slightly when he decides to reply.

**Bokuto:**

**Hey Akaashi, it's fine! Are you free now? :D**

He has to wait no more than a couple of minutes before reading the answer.

**Akaashi:**

**Kind of. I just got home.**

Bokuto thinks about it for just one second before he opens the contact and presses the call button. He picks up pretty fast, he must have had the phone in his hands.

"Bokuto-san?" Akaashi sounds genuinely confused.

"Agaashi how are you doing?" He forces out his cheerful side, hoping that the other boy won't notice the strain in his voice.

"Um" Akaashi ponders the question "I am fine, thanks" he answers tentatively. "How about you? Are you alright?"

There's a hint of worry in his words, maybe he picked up the raspy sound behind the loud volume of Bokuto's voice. He decides not to lie. "I've been better." He admits, tugging at his lower lip.

"Why's that?" Akaashi sounds genuinely concerned now, even though Bokuto can hear the sound of kitchen utensils through the phone.

"Not much. Kuroo just left and I feel kinda lonely…" he sighs, realizing how pathetic he sounds "Never mind. Sorry for wasting your time."

"Wait -" The silence lingers a bit longer before Akaashi is certain that Bokuto hasn't hung up yet. "Just" Bokuto hears him sigh and the sounds in the background stop. "You shouldn't be by yourself if you’re feeling lonely."

Bokuto looks for an answer, but he parts his lips without managing to produce a sound. His fingers keep playing with a loose thread on his trousers. "I already had practice, though, and my roommate is a zombie." He rolls his eyes.

"Want to come over?" Akaashi's tone is light and unsure, as if he didn't expect to say it out loud. "I mean, we can have dinner here if you want, but if you prefer to go out we can -"

"Keiji" Bokuto interrupts him with a blurt, noticing too late that he used his first name. There's a dense silence on the other side of the phone, Bokuto can hear Akaashi's shallow breaths and he swears he hears him gulp a couple of times. "Your place is fine. I'll be there in like 30 minutes, text me your address okay?"

"Y-ya" Akaashi chokes on his spit before regaining composure and clearing his voice. "See you soon then."

"See you soon."

When he hangs up, he's wearing a huge smile, feeling only slightly guilty that he got over Kuroo’s goodbye so quickly.

* * *

Their conversation has been replaying in his mind for the past thirty minutes, which he spent hopelessly trying to clean up his apartment. Bokuto used his first name. It’s been so long since he last heard that sound coming from his mouth.

Akaashi has always thought he’d been managing his feelings pretty well during the last few years, but it only took a couple of weeks to make him doubt himself over again. Leaving Bokuto and the life he had in Japan has been hard, but never did he consider that he could meet his past again. And while every single memory he had with Bokuto was filled with peace and happiness, it also carried a nauseous feeling of melancholic bitter-sweetness. Because he knows that those wholesome memories have the peculiar characteristic of being in the past: it almost feels like someone else’s life, which he can only admire from afar and envy with all his soul. And those memories scare him, because he doesn’t recognize himself. His biggest fear is to witness Bokuto realize that he’s not the same Akaashi. He wishes he could just be that 17-year-old again so much, that he actually feels sorry for who he’s become.

His chin tilts up when he hears the doorbell ring.

His feet reach the door in two large steps and he presses the button to open the front gate. His eyes scan the room, looking for anything out of place, and he just sighs in defeat when he admits that, no matter how much time he spends trying to put things in order, his house would always look like a mess. He glances at a picture hung on the wall right above his kitchen table, mentally debating on whether or not should he hide it, but his stream of consciousness is interrupted by knocks on the front door.

“Hi Agaashi!”

He opens the door to a drenched Bokuto and his heart immediately sinks into his stomach, thinking about how he just finished cleaning the floor. “Bokuto-san, don’t you have an umbrella?”

Bokuto’s lips sink on one side and he gives him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, I was already out when I called you.”

Akaashi sighs but manages to place a smile on his lips and stands by the entrance, gesturing for Bokuto to come in. “You must be cold” he guesses as he closes the door “sit on the couch, next to the heater. I’ll see if I have some clothes for you.”

Bokuto nods and takes off his shoes before stepping on the carpet. Akaashi notices how his hands are shaking and rushes to his wardrobe to find something warm for him. It doesn’t help that Bokuto has grown both wider and taller, because he doubts he has anything that could fit him. Eventually, he finds some sweatpants and a flannel pullover, which Bokuto eagerly wears without bothering to go somewhere else to get changed. Akaashi pretends to be busy with making dinner to avoid the sight, but when he turns around to look at him he regrets he didn’t do it earlier. He barely manages to contain a laugh, hiding it with a cough: the sweatpants are a bit short, exposing one third of his calves, and the pullover is surely about to rip around his shoulders.

“Thanks, Akaashi! They’re so comfy” he smiles, rubbing a sweater paw on his cheek, without noticing the amused look on his friend’s face.

“That’s alright” he smiles and gestures for him to sit at the table “I made some onigiri, if you’re hungry.”

“Oh! So, you can cook now?” Bokuto’s excitement is clear in his voice, and Akaashi admits he’s been feeling flattered lately by the amount of appreciation he’s received.

“I wouldn’t say I’ve learned to cook, but I can do some things, yes.” He places the onigiris on the table between them and Bokuto launches onto the plate, instantly praising Akaashi for how good they taste.

“So” Akaashi starts talking only once they both seem satisfied with their food “how are things going in Tokyo? How’s Natsuko?” He’s been meaning to ask Bokuto about his family for a while, but he never got the chance.

Bokuto’s eyes light up at the mention of his mother “She’s doing great! Maybe she was a little sad when I left, but that’s understandable” he nods to himself “Daiki and Jun are still around to bother her, though, so she’ll be fine.”

Akaashi laughs lightly, remembering Bokuto’s older brothers. “What are they up to?”

“Oh, of course! You didn’t know!” He exclaims with a new surge of enthusiasm, fishing his phone out of his pocket and typing something. “I am an uncle now! Look!” he turns the screen to show him a picture of a young girl, maybe six years old. “She’s Ayane, Jun’s daughter! Isn’t she lovely?”

He watches as Bokuto’s eyes scan the picture with an admiring gaze and he can’t help but feel his chest shrinking a little tighter around his heart, mind filling up with what-ifs and pictures of him and Bokuto living together and playing family. “She is.” He shakes the thoughts out of his head and plays it cool “Didn’t take it from the father, though.” He jokes, earning a loud laugh from Bokuto. Soon enough, he stops laughing and turns into pensive mode, so Akaashi waits to hear what he’s going to say.

Bokuto is not sure he should bring up the topic, but he suddenly remembered about the weird guy hitting on Akaashi at the bar the other night. “Um, I kind of wanted to ask you something” he tries, eyes on the table. “That guy with the motorbike…” he looks him in the eye to be sure he’s allowed to go on, but finds only confusion in answer.

“Who?” Akaashi knits his eyebrows in thought.

“The one I scared away?”

“Ah, Filippo. Yes?” Akaashi nods for him to continue.

“Right. Are you alright? He seemed pretty stubborn…” he trails off, not wanting to sound too concerned, but also not bothering to hide his worry.

“Yes, don’t worry” he smiles reassuringly “I swear he’s not dangerous, I think I just messed with his feelings without even noticing.” He presses his lips in a tight line, lowering his gaze almost in shame. “You know, we met at a party like six months ago and… we hooked up” he swallows and finds himself unable to meet Bokuto’s eyes. “But then I left my number and stuff, so we met again and… I mean, it kind of became a thing. But like” he holds his hands in front of his face to try and explain better “I have zero feelings for him and I’ve always made it clear.” His eyes travel to the ceiling and he laughs to himself “Or at least that’s what I thought” he shrugs “anyways, apparently it wasn’t just sex for him.”

Bokuto is so shocked that he needs to gulp a couple of times before feeling his tongue again. He doesn’t know what he expected from the answer, but it wasn’t this. Firstly, Akaashi has never talked about sex this openly and it felt weird. Secondly, he was talking about his sex life with another man and that felt painful. He’s sure his cheeks are red by now, but he can’t control it. Just like he can’t control the pout on his lips. He mentally slaps himself, ‘What did you think? It’s been eight years, of course he’s had sex with other people.’

“Bokuto-san, are you alright? Do you want some water?”

He lifts his eyes to meet Akaashi’s, which under this light look more greenish than navy blue. “I’m alright.” He clears his throat “I’m glad you’re okay, then.”

“Yeah, I called him this morning to explain everything and he was sad, but he understood.” Bokuto nods in agreement, but finds that he doesn’t know what to say next, his mind still focused on unwanted pictures of Akaashi – his sweet Akaashi – with someone else. Suddenly Akaashi’s eyes meet the clock on the wall behind him and he curses under his breath. “I’m so sorry, Bokuto-san, but I’m afraid I have to take you back to your apartment cause I have practice in half an hour.”

Bokuto’s face is blank for a couple of seconds, before and idea pops into his mind. “Akaashi!” he instantly knows that what’s about to come out of his mouth isn’t necessarily safe. “Can I please come along? Please, it’ll be fun!”

Akaashi stares at him for a good minute, expression void of emotions, just considering the pros and cons. He admires Bokuto for inviting himself over without fearing he’d be unwanted and he kind of envies that side of him. It’s when Bokuto gives him the puppy face that he knows he’s giving in, he just rolls his eyes and nods, all the while still smiling.

Bokuto jumps from the chair and wraps his arms around Akaashi’s shoulders. “Yes! Oh my god I’m so excited!” he holds him at arm’s length to look him in the eyes “Will you toss for me?”

Akaashi’s smile reaches all the way up to his eyes, how couldn’t it?

“Of course, Bokuto-san.”

* * *

Akaashi didn’t think about it when he agreed that Bokuto came with him, but it suddenly hits him that his friends can’t exactly speak English. He sighs, fearing he’ll have to translate everything to everyone for the rest of the night, and gives a pointed look at Bokuto. “We are starting with Italian lessons tomorrow, got it?”

Bokuto blinks twice before his brain is able to process that no, he isn’t imagining things. “Really?” A huge smile draws on his face “Would you really teach me?”

Akaashi looks nonplussed and pushes the door of the gym open with one arm. “You have to learn it some way or another.”

This boosts Bokuto’s morale even higher, resulting in him waltzing into the gym with a huge dumb grin on his face. The men in the room turn around to greet Akaashi and when they get closer, Bokuto straightens his back and puffs out his chest, ready to be introduced.

“Bokuto-san these are Simone, Andrea, Thomas and Valerio.” He says, pointing towards each one of them. “Usually we are around a dozen, but on Tuesdays people work and stuff, so this is us.”

“Hi, it’s a pleasure!” he excitedly bows his head, trying to communicate in English. “What are your positions?”

Akaashi scoffs and laughs a little. “We don’t play with positions, we’re not that sophisticated.” He winks playfully at him, but adds “we have fixed setters and one libero, though.”

“Hey, we meeted last night!” Bokuto’s attention is abruptly caught by Simone and Akaashi cringes internally at his friend’s English.

Bokuto surely notices the ugly mistake, but decides to ignore it. “Yes, I remember you! You’re the bartender, right?”

Simone doesn’t answer and looks definitively puzzled, he tries to come up with something to say but eventually turns to Akaashi and speaks Italian. Bokuto is confused, he didn’t think he said anything wrong, but then Akaashi’s hand is on his shoulder and the world is bright again. “Sorry Bokuto-san, good luck with trying to talk to them.” He laughs with an apologetic smile. “My friends are too dumb to speak English.”

Bokuto just shrugs and takes off his jacket. “That’s fine as long as you’re here” he says, without even noticing the way it sounds. “Thanks again for letting me borrow your shorts by the way.”

Akaashi is obviously overthinking what Bokuto said, so he needs a couple of seconds to stutter an answer. “Uh, no problem.”

Bokuto gestures for him to follow. “Come on then, show me where the locker room is.” But Akaashi is frozen on his feet and stares at him as if he’d grown two heads. “What’s the problem, Agaashi?”

Keiji shakes his head to free himself of intrusive thoughts and instinctively takes two steps back. “It’s over there” he says, pointing at the door on the other side of the gym.

“Aren’t you changing your clothes?” His eyebrows draw in a weird wave, questioning Akaashi’s intentions.

“I already did” he timidly points to his own shorts and t-shirt, without sparing a glance at his friend.

“Alright then, just keep me company” Bokuto offers “You’re the one who said I won’t be able to talk with anyone.” He steps closer and reaches for Akaashi’s sleeve, pinching the fabric between his index and thumb, then he pulls slightly. He thought nothing of the gesture, but Akaashi seems on another planet and jerks his arm away from his fingers, glaring at him with clear irritation.

“I said no.”

His tone is low and he seems to be focusing too hard on keeping his voice down. It makes Bokuto flinch away, he doesn’t know whether he’s more confused or uneasy. “Okay, but chill out.”

Akaashi meets his eyes with a deathly stare, narrowing his pupils and gritting his teeth. He looks like he’s about to snap at Bokuto, but at the very last second, he looks away tilting his chin and takes a deep breath with his eyes closed. “Just leave me the fuck alone.”

His voice is different now, more controlled and even, and maybe that’s why it sounds even scarier. Bokuto knits his eyebrows, now utterly confused, he’s about to say something when Akaashi turns around and storms out the door. He’s left there, the other players sending him worried and questioning glances, but he doesn’t know what to say. What did he do?

The air is gelid on his flushed cheeks, but he welcomes the drastic change with a deep breath. The cold is strong enough to keep him grounded, his mind slowly focusing back on his surroundings, the blur fading away. It’s like emerging from under the sea, the sounds of the streets hitting his eardrums with a new clear sound, the concrete feels solid under his shoes and he can sense the tip of his fingers getting colder and number. He gingerly opens his eyes to find sharp edges and distinct colors and mentally thanks himself for his swift reaction. He has learned to recognize the red flags, so that when the world starts fading out he is able to prevent his mind from drifting off. Usually, strong physical sensations are enough to keep him grounded.

The numbness is fading, but his brain is still looking for a distraction. He finds himself opening the car and looking for the packet before he can even process his actions, then he leans against the closed car door and lights a cigarette. He had stopped smoking five years ago, but during the last three years he’s been falling back to his old habit every once in a while, mostly when he was stressed or on the verge of a mental breakdown. His therapist says that it doesn’t make him any weaker and he agrees on that, or at least he wants to. His muscles react to the nicotine, relaxing and releasing the tension. He has his eyes closed and is in the middle of an exhale when he hears the gym door open.

Bokuto is retro-illuminated by the static lights of the gym behind him, until the door closes and they are both left in the dim light of the street lamps. They silently stare at each other, both of them with an apology on the tip of their tongues, but Bokuto is the first to break the ice. “I am so sorry, Keiji” his head is hanging low on his chest and he folds his hands behind his back, taking a tentative step towards Akaashi, who keeps silent. “I didn’t think about it. That was insensitive of me.”

Keiji would be lying if he said his heart didn’t flutter in his chest at the sound of his small voice. “It’s okay. I’m sorry, too.” He sighs.

Bokuto’s chin tilts up, his eyes meeting Akaashi’s. “But I swear I thought you said you didn’t remember anything from that day.”

Akaashi puts out his cigarette with the tip of his shoe. “I didn’t” he admits “until my therapist helped me retrieve those removed memories.” Bokuto is still silent, so he keeps talking “I remember the gist of what happened in the locker room and throughout the whole day afterwards, like blurred images and distant sounds” he clears his throat “But it’s still traumatic and I can’t really talk about it. Or think about it, for what matters.”

The air is static and still for a couple of heartbeats and when Akaashi finally lifts his eyes from the ground, he finds Bokuto’s ones already on him. They’re glazed over and his lower lip is trembling hard, teeth biting down on it to keep it from shaking. Akaashi is about to ask him what’s wrong, but a loud sniffle precedes him. “Please, forgive me.” Bokuto stutters in a raspy voice.

Keiji blinks twice, then his face scrunches up in confusion. “I said it’s okay, you didn’t think about it and I snapped, don’t wo- “

“Not that” he interrupts him, clearing his throat and taking a step closer. Tears are streaming down his cheeks now and Akaashi feels the primal urge to hold him. “You left too soon and I” his eyes flicker to the sky, his voice clearer now and more controlled. “I never said I’m sorry. I should have been there.”

This is too much for Akaashi’s heart. His hands reach forward to take a hold of Bokuto’s t-shirt pulling him closer to wrap his arms around him. His cheek leans on Bokuto’s wet and sticky one, while one of his hands vanishes amongst his spiky yet soft locks, and he whispers soothing words in his ear. After a minute, Bokuto’s strong arms tighten around his waist and his chest rises and falls to the rhythm of a more regular pace, but he doesn’t let go and holds onto the moment.

“It’s not your fault, Kotaro. I’ve never blamed you.”


	13. I love your eyes - flashback

Keiji is squeezed in the middle of the backseat, between Kotaro and one of his older brothers, Daiki. It seems that every male in the Bokuto’s family is blessed with large shoulders, resulting in poor Akaashi silently praying for the trip to end soon. As if this wasn’t enough, somewhere along the road Bokuto decided to use his Bluetooth speaker to listen to his music and Akaashi finds out that he can be even louder than usual when he sings. And his brothers aren't less annoying.

It's not that Bokuto could ever really bother him, it's just that he hasn't slept that well and he still has a headache from last night's argument with his father. The painkiller he took before leaving was just useless, so he's been leaning his head on the back of the seat keeping his eyes closed and hoping that Waka-waka by Shakira would come to an end.

"Hey" the loud boy by his side turns his head towards him and Akaashi answers opening just one eye. It doesn’t seem so, but Bokuto’s actually been trying to keep his voice down, since he noticed the discomfort in Akaashi's sighs. "Is your head still hurting?"

"A little" he nods, closing his eyes once again.

"Would you like to hear something else?" he offers, handing him his phone.

"What?" both of his eyes are open now and his brows knit together while he focuses on the device Bokuto is holding. "No, it's your car, of course you decide."

Bokuto snickers under his breath. "It's my car and I'm saying that it's your turn to choose." He waits until Akaashi takes the phone in his hands, then he smiles. "Plus, I'm really curious to know what kind of music you like." He adds with a wink, which Keiji pretends he didn't notice.

"Are you sure that anything is fine?" He tentatively asks.

Bokuto genuinely thinks about it, then shrugs and admits "I mean, as long as it's not too heavy metal or dark, then I guess I can take it."

Akaashi scoffs and rubs his chin, deep in his thoughts. 'What do I like that isn't too weird? And what would Bokuto-san like?' this last thought sparks an idea in his mind, which he promptly types on the phone and soon Halo by Beyoncé is playing through the speaker. Okay maybe it’s a cliché choice, but whatever, he really likes the song.

"Oh, you like Beyoncé?" Bokuto looks at him with glittering eyes.

"Please don't laugh at me." Akaashi instantly cringes and his face scrunches up by reflex.

"Why would I laugh at you? I love Beyoncé!" He exclaims, while Keiji's posture relaxes in a small smile. "Hey, why don't we go to a concert together, uh?" He literally jumps on his seat.

"Sure, I don't think she's on tour now though." Akaashi settles down on the seat, his heart flooded with a new feeling. It's warm and nice around his heart, it feels very much like finding the last piece of a huge puzzle. Maybe it's the fact that he feels understood, or maybe it's just how it’s like to find the one you can talk to about anything. Whatever it is, it’s good and he doesn't want it to stop.

He's too deep in his thoughts to notice that the car has come to a halt in front of a garage, by a cute country house. As soon as the engine is turned down, Bokuto's hand grips tight on his own and he's pulled out of his seat and into the fresh air of late March. "Come with me, let's say hi to grandma!" he doesn't even allow him to process anything or take in his surroundings, because he's already walking to the front of the house, their hands still connected. 'Alright I'd better just go along with this', Akaashi thinks to himself and picks up the pace to walk beside Bokuto.

Without even knocking on the door, he just pushes it open and steps into the house. "Ma! We're here!"

Akaashi realizes he’s still holding his hand when an old lady peeks out of a door with a huge smile, which strongly resembles Bokuto's. He instinctively pulls his hand away, without even connecting his brain to his movements until Kotaro stops in his tracks and looks at him with lost puppy eyes. He's confused at first, but then sees that the white-haired boy is holding out his palm wide open. Akaashi is blushing by now, not sure if the cause is Bokuto's obvious flirting or the fact that they're doing this in front of his grandma, but slides his fingers back into his grip, feeling him relax.

"Kotaro!" The lady walks fast with slippers on her feet and kisses both boys on their cheeks, Akaashi blushing harder. "Ah and this must be your friend! What's your name, dear?" She asks, pinching his cheek between her fingers.

"Akaashi Keiji" he bows respectfully "It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am."

"Oh, get up child, please!" She laughs holding him by the shoulders and scanning his face with curious eyes. "You're so handsome, Kotaro was right." She winks playfully and leaves them in the living room, claiming she needs to help Natsuko with the bags.

"W-what?" If he was just flushed before, now he's definitely burning up. He blinks a couple of times, snapping his head to look at Bokuto by his side. His heart feels a little lighter only when he sees that his face is red as well.

"Don't mind her, she likes to play around a lot!" He laughs forcefully, rubbing the nape of his neck. "Mum says I got my personality from her."

Akaashi finds himself laughing, he thought just the same thing. "Yeah, I can see that."

"Shut up" Bokuto timidly shoves him, his confidence seems to spark up once again because his hold is firm now, tugging on Keiji's arm. "I wanted to show you something, if you don't mind walking a bit."

"Uhm, sure" he shrugs "But maybe we should help unpack first."

"Nonsense!" Natsuko is coming through the front door holding the bags, Jun and Daiki right behind her. "I have enough weirdos here to help me, I don't need one more to mess around. I'm still traumatized from the last time you helped me pack the bags!"

"Come on mum, I told you I didn't mean to pour water on your clothes, I was just trying to see if the bag was impermeable!" Bokuto whines rolling his eyes.

"Whatever, just take him as far away as you can Keiji." She pleads with a smile, making Akaashi giggle.

"I'm the one taking him somewhere, actually" Bokuto puffs out his chest with a smug face.

"Good" Natsuko is already heading towards the staircase "Just be sure to be home for dinner."

With that, Bokuto walks out the door and down the pathway, still taking Keiji with him. They remain silent and this gives Akaashi the time to look around.

The town has the looks of a small and rural city, houses far away from one another with large backyards decorated with trees and flowers. As they keep walking, the buildings are gradually replaced by grass until the road is cutting right through vast fields, with high trenches by the sides. He's seen no more than a couple of cars passing by, the wind grazing his skin and the gentle chirp of birds in the background.

As a smile makes its way onto his face, he feels Bokuto's eyes on him but he doesn't dare turning around. Instead, he notices a bunch of trees not too far from them, welcoming the road into an orchard of what look like cherry trees. March is the perfect time to find yourself in a cherry orchard: the blossoming flowers are visible even from where they’re standing now, exploding in delicate pink clouds. "It's cherry blossoms season" he states absent-mindedly.

"Do you like cherry blossoms?"

He turns to find Bokuto's eyes already on him. "I do."

"Good, cause that's where we're going" he smiles sweetly, tightening his fingers around Akaashi's.

Akaashi thinks that blushing has become a habit at this point, so he just tries to focus on the road and the landscape around them, the highest accomplishment of the next few minutes would be to put one foot in front of the other without tripping. Bokuto's hand is getting sweaty against his own, but he doesn't recoil from the touch, because he feels like that would come off as a rejection and he definitively can't afford to make that move.

Bokuto is too quiet, his movements rehearsed and rigid, but Akaashi is too engaged in his thoughts to notice. Soon enough, they reach the blossoming trees and Bokuto stops for just one second to take a deep breath before leaving the street and stepping on the soft grass. He feels Akaashi's hand fall from his and he turns around to make sure that he's still following. "Grandma used to take me here when I was little" he smiles, trying to relax a bit, then he turns back around and starts walking deeper amongst the trees. "I've always loved spring, maybe it's the flowers or just the fact that the sun comes out more often, I don’t know."

Akaashi keeps up the pace to walk by his side, but he remains silent. The trees are tall and cast a welcoming shadow on them, the sun filtering through leaves and branches making their skin spotted with golden and glittering shapes. His eyes float towards the sky, which, although only partially visible, has gained a deeper shade of the already intense blue of this morning. His mind replays the argument he had with his dad last night, although the memory is foggy and unwanted. He hates the fact that a small pout is taking the place of the smile on his lips. This morning, the sky didn't look as blue.

"Keiji?"

Akaashi's eyes widen as his head snaps towards Bokuto, who's looking at him with concern. And that’s when he realizes that he was talking.

"Were you listening?" He tilts his head.

"No, Bokuto-san, I'm sorry." He sighs and his shoulders slump forward. Great, he just ruined the moment. Why did he have to dissociate right now?

"What was on your mind?" Bokuto seems weirdly unbothered by the lack of attention.

"Nothing I want to think about right now" he shakes his head and then, with a bold move, he offers his hand for Bokuto to hold.

The gesture brings out Bokuto's smile once again, which is reflected by Akaashi's lips. "Well, I was saying that" he takes a deep breath "I don't know what's up with you father, Keiji" he gives him a side look to supervise Akaashi's reaction, but finds him looking straight ahead and gulping a couple of times, so he goes on. "What I know is that spring is my favorite season because it represents the start of something new, you know? Like, a new beginning... a whole new wave of life and colors a-and sounds and... stuff."

Akaashi can see clearly the blush on Bokuto's face and finds his mouth slightly widen in awe at the sight of his figure kissed by the perfect mixture of light and shadows. He knows that sometimes Kotaro can have quite deep thoughts and he just loves to listen to him when he gets into his head like that. It doesn't matter that he's stuttering, he's just adorable.

"It's exciting, don't you think?" He turns around to look him in the eyes and stands still, his body turning to face Akaashi. "It's like" a small smile flickers on his lips but it's gone in the blink of an eye, while he looks for the words amongst the branches above their heads "These flowers, they've been there for the whole winter, just waiting for the right sunshine, the right breeze of wind to blossom." His eyes meet Akaashi's again, knocking the air out of his lungs. He reaches forward and takes both of his hands, holding them close to his chest. "I think they're so beautiful, because they've guessed the right time to start anew."

Keiji is so mesmerized by Bokuto's eyes and the way he's talking, that he doesn't even process the fact that he's unconsciously leaning closer. He just wishes they could stay like this forever.

"As I was saying, I don't know what happened last night" he closes his eyes and, with a trembling sigh, he leans his forehead against Akaashi's. They're barely even touching, the pressure similar to that of a feather "But I think you should start something new" his eyelids flutter open and he feels dizzy when all he can see is a dark shade between green and blue "And I really hope you'd let me begin this spring with you." He bites down on his lower lip feeling the heat rising up to his ears, never letting go of Akaashi's hands and silently praying he didn't misunderstand what he said.

Akaashi is at a loss of words. His heart is threatening to jump out of his ribcage and his eyes are dwelling up with tears. Sniffling, he leans a little more onto Bokuto's forehead and into his hands, which immediately leave his owns to wrap around his waist and cup his cheek, while Akaashi's ones grip the fabric of his shirt to steady himself. Despite the tears, he's smiling so much that it hurts. He'd like to say something back, but not a single word comes to his mind. So he just leans even closer, until their lips lightly brush against each other's.

The contact is too short for Bokuto to have a taste of Akaashi's lips, so, while his thumb wipes away the tears from under his eye, he presses harder into the kiss. Not too much though, the last thing he wants is to scare him away. Just enough to taste them.

Keiji isn't surprised, but the swift movement still knocks the air out of his lungs and his palms widen releasing the grip on Bokuto's shirt to move across his chest and fold on the nape of his neck. Their lips are still for quite a bit, both unsure of what to do next, until Akaashi experimentally starts to move his lower lip against Bokuto's, earning a gasp from him. Since it's his first kiss, he thought it would have been more awkward, but they actually find the right way to move pretty soon and he finds himself panting before he realizes it.

Bokuto can't believe he just kissed Akaashi. And it felt so good, too. Not that he thought it wouldn't feel good, but it was his first kiss so he was kind of nervous. When they part, they look at each other with smiles on their faces. Keiji shyly looks at the ground between them to hide a cute giggle, but Kotaro catches his chin right in time to kiss his smile, making him laugh even harder.

When the fit of laughter ends, he's left there admiring Bokuto's face, and only then he realizes that he hasn't really said anything back. He feels like he should answer such a deep and touching proposal, so he looks for the words in his brain and struggles to find something even half as sweet. When Bokuto's nose brushes against his, he feels no connection with his own mouth as it opens by its own will and blurts out: "I love your eyes." He blushes harder. That isn’t even connected to what Kotaro said, what the hell is his mind doing?

Bokuto blinks at him for a second, before he tilts his head back to release a loud but short laugh, just to place his forehead back against Akaashi’s. "I love your eyes too, Keiji."


	14. I like your eyes, too

Last night's events still live rent free in Bokuto's head. He still feels like he's dreaming, if he thinks about it, his mind has yet to fully process the fact that he’s had dinner with Akaashi and they have talked so much. But the thing his brain finds the hardest to elaborate is that he finally said I'm sorry.

He's been meaning to tell him for almost eight years, his mind making up scenes of how it would play out. But he never guessed it would have been so fulfilling. Last night, after he finished crying on Akaashi's shoulder, his chest felt lighter but it wasn’t left hollow. They went back inside the gym and Akaashi tossed the ball for him, he felt like they were in high school again and everything was back to normal. He told him his tosses are amazing and Keiji blushed, as he always did.

The good mood from last night is still a strong feeling, so much that today everything seems to be just perfect. Every little thing Bokuto does feels in synchrony with the universe, every spike is the best he's ever done, every leaf on the ground looks beautiful and every single item in his wardrobe fits him perfectly. That's why this time he doesn't spend too much time choosing what to wear when he heads out to Akaashi's.

They agreed on meeting again for dinner, since Akaashi had a shift at the restaurant during lunch and then he had to work at the tattoo parlor in the afternoon. Last night, when he promised to teach him Italian, it really surprised him, but of course Bokuto was looking forward to it. He has an easier time finding Akaashi's apartment this time and already feels familiar with the smell of his house when Keiji opens the door.

"Welcome, Bokuto-san." Akaashi greets him at the doorstep, offering to take his jacket and scarf.

Bokuto scrunches up his nose, making an approving sound. "Mh, I don't know what you made for dinner, but it smells delicious!"

Akaashi has his back turned to Bokuto, so that he can't see the smug grin on his lips. "Have you already tried Italian food?" He moves a chair and gestures for Bokuto to take a seat.

"Nope" he eagerly jumps on the chair, beaming at a very pleased Akaashi "Unless... do instant spaghetti count?"

Akaashi turns around with a steaming pot in his hands and a mock disgusted expression on his face. "Please don't ever say that again" he deadpans "every time you make instant spaghetti, an Italian chef dies." Bokuto laughs too loudly, but Akaashi doesn't mind at all. He finds himself smiling fondly at the sound.

"Are you trying to compare yourself to a chef?"

Akaashi places the pot on the table, his deadpan expression never leaving his face. "I'm not comparing myself to anyone, I am the Italian chef here."

"You sure are" Bokuto steals a look into the pot "my mouth is watering. What is it?"

"This is _spaghetti alla carbonara_ , not that hard to do really." He shrugs, filling up their dishes with pasta. "Mum taught me." He sits with a smile and Bokuto mirrors him, albeit with a sadder look in his eyes.

"Wait, does this mean that she taught you when you lived in Tokyo?!" Bokuto is quick to change the subject, while his fork vanishes inside his mouth, filling it with spaghetti. "Oh my god!" His eyes widen, at first just freezing on Keiji but then they rotate to the back of his head in pleasure "I think I just had my very first foodgasm."

"Shut up" Akaashi says, but finds himself laughing fondly at him. "It's just unforgivable that you’ve never tasted Italian food before."

"It's not my fault, alright?" Ever since he took the first bite, his mouth looks always full, but somehow it doesn't look gross to Akaashi. It's just really cute. "You, on the other hand" he shifts the blame on him, pointing a fork to his head "why didn't you cook for me when we were together? That is something really unforgivable."

"You never asked." He lifts one eyebrow with a sly smile.

* * *

"Bokuto-san, we've been over this for half an hour" Akaashi is pacing back and forth from the kitchen table to the sofa with his hands in his hair, sighing loudly.

"I'm sorry, Agaashi" Bokuto looks up from where he's sitting at the table with pouty lips. Akaashi stops and bends over to place his elbows on the back of the chair next to Bokuto, trying not to give in to the puppy eyes. "Just repeat it one more time, please?"

Keiji nods reluctantly. "When the letters c and g are followed by an h, the sound is hard" he emphasizes the concept with his hands "Whereas, when they're followed by an e or an i, the sound is soft" He looks him in the eyes to convey his message for the fifth time "so for instance we have _ghetto_ with a hard g, but _getto_ with a soft one, and it's important because it means something else."

"I think I get that" he nods and Akaashi is almost smiling, but then he adds "What I don't get is the difference between the soft sound of c and g! They sound just the same!" He slams his hands on his thighs in exasperation and Akaashi loses hope again.

"I think you've already learned enough for today, your brain is saturated." He shakes his head and takes a step back "Take a break, sleep and let's see if I can fit in a lesson for tomorrow, okay?"

Bokuto looks lost while he’s staring at the open notebook in front of him. "Shit, it feels like being back in high school" he face-palms and is relieved a little only when he feels Akaashi's hand on his shoulder.

"Don't stress yourself, it's 11 PM after all. You must be tired" Akaashi smiles when Bokuto yawns just to confirm his point "Or at least I am."

"I feel like I’ve wasted your time" he lamely closes his notebook with his head hanging low.

"Come on, do you seriously think I just wanted to teach you Italian?" Akaashi laughs and leans on the back of the sofa, crossing his arms. Bokuto turns to look at him and he tilts his head. "I’ve missed you, Bokuto-san. It's just nice to spend time with you again." He shrugs and adjusts the glasses on his nose, taking his eyes away from Bokuto's.

"Aw, Agaashi" Bokuto coos and in a split second he's erased the distance between them to hug him. Akaashi feels the air leave his lungs at once but resists the urge to cough. "I’ve missed you too!"

Akaashi is about to tell him to put on his jacket and get going, when Bokuto gasps dramatically. "What is it?" He asks, unimpressed.

"You said it's nice to spend time together, right?" Akaashi just arches his eyebrows in answer, wanting to hear what comes next "Do you remember what we used to do a lot when we were younger?" He almost jumps on the place, excited.

"I don't know, we played a lot of volleyball?"

"Yeah of course" his smile falters a little "But we also loved to watch My Hero Academia, don't you remember?"

Akaashi blinks as Bokuto's hands leave his shoulders. He just nods, trying not to get swallowed up by the memories.

"Can we watch it in Italian with subtitles?"

Bokuto looks like a child, hands hidden behind his back and big pleading eyes with an endearing smile, but Keiji knows better. "Absolutely not."

The smile falls off his face. "But-"

"It's already 11PM and I am tired, Bokuto." His eyes soften, trying not to hurt him, but the fact that he didn't add 'san' to his name is enough to discourage Kotaro.

"Right" he nods, biting his lip "Sorry for asking." He turns to take his jacket and wears it without making eye contact with Akaashi, who meanwhile is feeling a surge of regret rise in his chest.

He knows that Bokuto isn't trying to impose anything on him and it would be just fine to watch it another time, but for some reason his mind is having a huge debate on it. Half of him wants to spend more time with Bokuto and wouldn't mind staying awake with him, but the other half is anxious about it, because the chances that Kotaro could find out that he is different now are high. He rubs his forehead, hoping he won't regret what he's about to say, but deep down he knows he was going to let him stay over from the moment he asked to. "I just don't feel like driving you to your apartment late..."

Bokuto turns around, giving him a half smile. "That's fine, I under-"

"But" he interrupts him tilting his head "if you were to stay over, I guess I wouldn't mind it." He rolls his eyes, pretending not to enjoy it, but he's betrayed by the smile that shows up when Bokuto jumps on him, covering him in thank you.

* * *

Akaashi opened the couch, since it can turn into a bed, tossing a few pillows and a heavy blanket on it.

It's the hundredth time he re-watches the first episodes of this anime, but it never gets old.

"Italian dub is weird" Bokuto mumbles from where he's buried under the blanket they're sharing.

Akaashi looks down at him with one eyebrow raised. "How do you know? You can't even understand it."

"But I've watched the English dub and Bakugo just doesn't feel right in Italian."

Akaashi’s eyebrows draw together in confusion, but he eventually decides to let it go. He doesn’t really know why, but he finds it difficult not to stare at Bokuto's hair sprawled on the pillow under his head. He doesn't have any gel spiking up his locks today, maybe because he took a shower after practice, but it's just weird to think that he got out of his house without styling his hair first: he remembers Bokuto being self-conscious over it back in high school.

"What?" Bokuto catches his eyes, reciprocating the gaze.

"Nothing" Akaashi didn't think he could still blush at the age of 25, but apparently he was wrong.

"Aw you were staring, 'Kaashi" He playfully pokes his side, making him squeak and jump further away, taking the blanket with him. "Hey! Don't steal my blanket!"

"This blanket is actually mine" he highlights, but lets go of the fabric nevertheless. "And I wasn't staring, I was just thinking."

"Uh?" Bokuto props his head on his hand, facing Akaashi. "About what?"

Akaashi feels an idea forming in his head and holds back the smile. "About the fact that you and Bakugo have a lot in common."

"What? Why?" He sits up on the mattress, looking utterly surprised and offended. "Am I really that kind of asshole?"

Akaashi laughs when he falls for it. "Yeah, you're loud and self-centered and annoying." He nods.

"Uh-I... what the hell?" He yell-whispers widening his eyes, then a look of determination lights a spark in his eyes and he's ready with a comeback. "Well then, you're just like Aizawa cause you have the same lazy, always tired and sick of people kind of vibe!"

But Akaashi doesn't take it personally, he laughs and nods "At least Aizawa is super hot."

Bokuto doesn't know how to answer and just stares at him with his mouth twisted, until he's had enough of Akaashi laughing at him and scoots further away. After a couple of minutes, Keiji still hasn’t apologized so he decides to give him the silent treatment and sits on the edge of the bed, watching the tv intently.

Akaashi's laughs swiftly wear off as soon as he realizes that Bokuto may have gotten into his emo mode because of him. "Come on Bokuto-san, no need to go into dejected mode for a joke." But Bokuto doesn't budge, so he crawls closer to him, facing his back. "Bokuto-san?" He notices his shoulders tense up, but he still doesn't turn around. He tries to call his name another couple of times but it's no use. Rolling his eyes, he tries with his first name "Kotaro?"

This gains a reaction from him. Bokuto’s ear twitches and he slowly turns his head to look at Akaashi. "You really said it as a joke?"

"Of course I did, you're nothing like him." He shakes his head and nudges him on the shoulder. "You're more like a Bakugo with self-esteem issues." He laughs, hoping to lift his mood.

And he succeeds. At first it's a small smile, but then it turns into a full laugh and Akaashi finds himself staring in awe at his profile, backlit by the tv behind him.

He remembers his laugh so clearly. It strikes him in that very instant how Bokuto hasn't changed at all. His hair falls on his forehead in the exact same way, he smells just like he did and he's as easy to read as he was, when they were 17.

He can't help but compare himself to him. And he feels wrong. He feels grown up, but not in the good, self-improving way. He feels corrupted, dirty and broken, as if his life doesn't belong to the same boy he was in high school. It's amazing how he recognizes Bokuto better than himself.

And when Bokuto opens his eyelids, amidst his laughs, they interlock their eyes and the sound of laughter slowly disappears from the room. In those golden eyes, Akaashi is looking through a mirror and, although he doesn't know himself, he stares at the reflection of what Bokuto sees in him. And in that very moment, he realizes that it doesn't matter if he doesn't know who he is, because Kotaro isn't looking at the corrupted version of him. He wants with all his heart to live up to those expectations, to embrace that version of himself.

That's why he closes the distance between them to place his lips on top of Bokuto's.

Bokuto was hoping he would kiss him, because there's no way in hell he would have tried to make the first move just to be rejected and have his chance taken away for the last time. So, when he finally feels Akaashi's lips on his, he's quick to respond, lifting his hands to touch the soft skin on his neck.

Kissing Bokuto feels nostalgic, but also heart-warming. He tastes just the same, moves just in the right way, so that it's almost automatic to fall into the right rhythm.

They soon find themselves lying with their heads on the pillows, the anime is long forgotten and just a background to the sound of their breaths mixing together. Their foreheads touching, arms wrapped around each other like a puzzle and their lips lightly brushing, nothing more than a feather-like touch. Eyes search deep into each other, breaths tickle their cheeks and fingers brush away strands of loose hair.

The tv is turned off now, but in the darkness Akaashi can still distinguish the spark in Bokuto’s eyes. His voice is barely audible as he slides his thumb across Kotaro’s cheekbone “I love your eyes, Bokuto-san.”

Kotaro’s lips are soft on his own as he answers “I love your eyes, too.”

Akaashi wouldn’t bet on it, but he’s pretty positive that he shed some tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Enjoy this chapter, cause next one is going to leave you 0_0 LOL  
> Disclaimer: I know My Hero Academia anime actually aired in 2016 and they couldn't have watched it since they don't see each other since 2012, but whatever guys this is my fiction and I love that anime lol sue me.


	15. He's not my crush

A beam of sunshine is warming his face and he squints his eyes to clear his vision. He rubs his hands over his closed eyelids and yawns loudly, then stretches his arms over his head but stops midway, frozen, when he realizes that he’s not in his bedroom.

Suddenly, last night’s events hit him straight in the face and he blushes when he interjects Akaashi’s eyes, which are already on him.

Bokuto looks hot in the morning and, even if he admits that it’s a bit embarrassing to get caught, he can’t help but stare at the lean and soft design of his muscles as he stretches. He’s literally gaping, but Kotaro soon catches his gaze so he smiles at him from where he’s sitting by the kitchen table.

“ _Uh, yeah sorry, he just woke up. Hold on a sec_ ” he rushes to explain through the phone he’s holding to his ear, then covers the speaker with one hand, addressing Bokuto: “Good morning, did you sleep well?” He smiles politely.

Bokuto sits up on the bed and brushes his hair away from his face with one hand, while the other covers his yawn. “Amazingly.”

Akaashi smiles wider and says something in Italian through the phone, then he hangs up. “I hope you didn’t miss practice, it’s 10 AM.” He stands up and turns around the counter to take a bowl from the cupboard. “Milk and cereal?”

“Yeah thanks” he blinks while his mind tries to gather the fact that Keiji actually remembers what he eats for breakfast. Or maybe that’s just the only edible thing he has in the cupboard, who knows. “I have practice in the afternoon anyways.”

After a quick trip to the bathroom, he finds Akaashi sitting at the kitchen table with two bowls of cereal in front of him. “Oh, you waited for me?”

“Nah, I just woke up like fifteen minutes before you.” He nods and they eat their breakfast in silence.

Akaashi knows that something is awkward between them now, a part of him now wishes they never kissed last night, because now they are standing on foreign ground and none of them knows how to deal with what happened. Does Bokuto want to kiss him again? Did they kiss just because they missed each other? But then again, it’s not the kiss itself that’s making things awkward. He sighs loudly and decides to try and break the tension. “We’ll have to meet tomorrow for your next lesson, they suddenly changed my shifts at the restaurant and I have to be there for dinner tonight.”

“It’s fine, I’ll try to review what we did yesterday.” And the silence falls heavily on top of them all over again. But it’s not like Bokuto gets it. I mean, when he woke up Akaashi was literally beaming at him and looked all relaxed and soft. Did something happen? Oh, shit, maybe he was regretting the kiss? Should he try to kiss him again? He wants to, but he doesn’t deal with unspoken questions too well. Usually, he just pretends they don’t exist until they come back to bite him in his butt.

“Come on, I’ll take you back to your apartment then.”

Akaashi is smiling, but the only thing Bokuto’s thinking is that he’s trying to get rid of him pretty quickly.

“I’m not trying to kick you out, I just have someone over for lunch.” He doesn’t even turn around from where he’s cleaning the dishes, by the sink.

Bokuto’s eyebrows shoot to the ceiling ‘So he reads minds now?’ he smiles to himself. He stands up and heads towards Akaashi, who still has his back facing him. Without thinking twice, he wraps his arms around his waist and rests his chin on his shoulder. His smile just grows bigger when he doesn’t feel him flinch or tense, so he dares to lay a small kiss under his ear. “You always know what to say, uh?”

Keiji shudders at the feeling of Bokuto’s breath too close to his ear, but he leans on his chest and into the warmness of the embrace. “You’re just easy to read, I mean you were literally pouting Kou.”

Akaashi’s laugh makes Bokuto’s ribcage tremble, echoing through his chest, but he can’t force himself to join it. He stares at the water in the sink instead, then suddenly nuzzles his nose into Akaashi’s neck making him squeak in surprise, water splashing everywhere from the spoon he’s keeping under the streaming water.

Keiji closes the faucet and turns around poking Bokuto’s nose with the spoon. “No tickling.”

Bokuto leans his forehead against Akaashi’s, letting his gaze get lost into his eyes. “You called me Kou.” His mouth can’t be kept in a straight line as he speaks, so he just gives up and smiles completely.

Keiji covers the distance separating their lips in one fell swoop and lingers a bit there, waiting for him to answer the kiss. It seems that every unspoken word that was floating in the air during breakfast is easily answered by those few seconds, the kiss feeling just right, like it was supposed to happen right there and in that way. As if the universe was just holding its breath, waiting for it to happen.

Akaashi’s back is stopped by the counter and his breath itches in his throat when Bokuto’s hands slide under his shirt, fingertips hot against his cool skin. Capturing his lower lip between his own, he gently breaks away from the kiss, earning a sigh from Kotaro. “Get dressed” he places a chaste peck on his cheek and turns back around, resuming his work.

Bokuto takes a step back and scoffs. Did Keiji just deliberately tease him? Shaking his head in amusement, he goes back to the bathroom to get changed. “Fine, then I’ll get changed in the bathroom” he turns around when he reaches the door, wiggling his eyebrows to a bemused Akaashi “You ain’t getting any cake today.”

Akaashi scoffs “Please” and turns back to the sink “I’ve got plenty myself” he jokingly sways his hips, earning a loud laugh from Bokuto.

* * *

“Samu!”

Keiji smiles widely, crouching down and widening his arms to welcome a running five-year-old in between them. Samu crashes into his chest, giggling and squealing, making him stumble backwards and fall on his back, laughing. “ _Aw, it’s been so long! Where have you been?_ ” he rolls on his side to sit back up, the kid still in his lap.

“ _Mum says you have to work and I shouldn’t disturb you_.” He points a finger to his mum, mouth bending downwards.

“ _What the heck, Laura? Why?_ ” he gapes at Laura with his eyebrows scrunched together.

“ _Don’t listen to him, Samuel was just trying to come here because when he’s with you he doesn’t do his homework_.” Laura folds her arms on her chest and sits at the table.

“ _That’s not true_ ” Keiji objects and is followed by Samu, who’s shaking his head solemnly and chanting “ _Not true, not true!_ ”

Akaashi stands up from the floor and sits in front of his best friend. “ _Care to explain what you told me on the phone this morning?_ ” Laura lifts one eyebrow in an accusing way.

“ _Nothing to explain, really_.” He laughs sheepishly “ _We kissed, that’s all_.”

“ _Kei_ ” she places her palms on the wooden table, staring into his eyes “ _You’re twenty-five. You can’t just kiss your crush and pretend it didn’t mean anything_.”

“ _He’s not my_ crush” he scrunches up his nose for the choice of words.

“ _You have a crush?”_ Samu jumps at his side “ _That’s cool!_ ”

Keiji shrinks under Laura’s ‘I told you so’ face. “ _Well_ ” he trails off, not wanting to admit to a five-year-old that he is, in fact, head over heels for a certain someone “ _I bought new mangas! Why don’t you go check them out?_ ” He easily diverts his attention and Samu sprints to the bookcase in the living room.

“ _Smooth_ ” Laura concedes, then she rests her chin on her hand “ _Is it finally going to be something serious, Kei?_ ”

“ _Ugh don’t say it like you’re my mum, you weirdo_.” He shudders dramatically and she gives him a nonplussed look. “ _I think_ ” he clicks his tongue while his eyes wander around the wall behind Laura “ _I think I’d like that? I don’t know, it feels…_ ” he sighs “ _It was just a kiss, but it felt so right. Like, I still feel so comfortable around him and it’s really weird cause we haven’t seen each other for eight years, how’s it possible? Is it even normal?_ ” He holds his head in his hands, groaning.

“ _So, it was just a kiss…?_ ” she lowers her voice, maybe not wanting Samu to hear.

“ _No_ ” he instantly says, but as soon as he sees the smug grin on her face he corrects himself “ _I mean, yes!_ ” he rushes to say “ _We didn’t do what you think, but we did kiss more than once. This morning as well._ ”

“ _I see_ ” she relaxes, somewhat disappointed. “ _So, what do you plan to do? Are you asking him out?_ ”

“ _Please_ ” he rolls his eyes “ _We’re not twelve_.”

“ _So what? You went on dates before_.”

“ _I know but it’s not the same, I mean, I already know him and we’ve already kissed and the chemistry’s already there and-_ “

“ _Are you marring him, then?_ ” she interrupts him, laughing.

“ _Shut uuuuup_ ” he whines, tugging at his hair.

“ _I’m just saying that you don’t have to be so anxious about it, if you already have feelings and you’re sure he does as well, then just go along with it_.” She shrugs, looking at her nails. “ _You don’t have to think ahead of yourself_.”

Keiji takes a few deep breaths and clears his throat. “ _I guess that, if I really want to go down that path, he needs to know who I am now, right?_ ” he tentatively asks.

Laura is visibly confused. “ _Who are you now, Kei?_ ” she stares at him for a few seconds, but he doesn’t have an answer. “ _You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone_.”

“ _I know, but…_ ” he takes a deep breath, while his eyes unconsciously drift to the mess of dark hair sprawled on the back of the couch, where Samu is flipping the pages of a manga.

Laura follows his gaze and suddenly realizes what he’s been talking about. “ _Oh no, don’t tell me he doesn’t know_.”

Keiji doesn’t answer, his head falling on the table in exasperation.

“ _Yeah, you need to tell him that as soon as possible_.”

“ _I don’t want to scare him away_ ” his voice is muffled by the fabric of his sweater, pressed against his mouth. “ _I mean, it hasn’t even started yet and I might just ruin everything_.”

“ _Absolutely not, Kotaro has the right to know what he’s getting himself into_.” She shakes her head with resolution. “ _Please tell him the next time you see him. I’ll call to check that you did_.” Laura points an accusing index towards him, with a warning glare.

Keiji groans, but admits she’s right. He’s about to tell her that he will do it, obviously skating over the fact that she might have a point, when Samu springs up from the couch and comes running back to the table, the comic held tight in his tiny hands and his eyes gleaming with excitement. “ _Dad! Dad, can I borrow it?_ ”

Keiji’s eyes soften and his shoulders relax as soon as he welcomes his son in his lap. “ _Yeah, of course. You can keep it._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * badabum-bash *  
> * the curtain falls *  
> * evil laugh in the background *
> 
> aaah you wished to find out more about Akaashi's past, right? geez I'm sorry, you'll have to wait another couple of chapters uwu <3


	16. The circle of life

Bokuto should be here by now.

Keiji has been restless for the last three hours, trying to keep himself busy by cleaning the house and baking a cake, but it’s no use. His mind keeps wandering off, constantly imagining scenarios of what is going to happen. He has decided that he’s going to tell Bokuto, after all it’s not like he can keep pretending that he doesn’t want their relationship to become something more serious.

They’ve been flirting for a couple of weeks now. Wait, is it better to say that they’re dating? They haven’t been going out on dates per se, but they do couple-y stuff normal couples do. For example, Bokuto comes over at least three times a week and when he does he always stays the night, Keiji went to watch him play one weekend and Kotaro sometimes dropped by the tattoo shop just to say hi and eat lunch together. Anyway, dating or not, Akaashi truly feels content with how things are going.

That’s why he knows he has to tell him. Also, because Laura would probably rip his head off if he didn’t: it’s been too long since he promised her he would tell Bokuto about Samu.

The doorbell rings and Keiji’s shaking hands turn the handle, while he curses under his breath because he didn’t have the time to get changed into something more presentable. Bokuto is beaming and leaning in for a welcome kiss, but Akaashi steps aside at the last second, making the situation weird. He tries not to make eye contact with him, closing the door and putting on an extra sweater. “Why is it suddenly so chilly in here?” he says casually, reminding himself that he doesn’t need Kotaro’s lips to distract him from what he has to say.

“Yeah I was wondering just the same” Bokuto adds, voice full of hurt.

Akaashi knows that he can’t hide from his eyes forever, but he tries again, just to make the situation less uncomfortable for himself. “You’ve been making really good progress with Italian, you know?” his smile doesn’t reach his eyes as he offers Bokuto a chair and walks to the other side of the table.

“Keiji” Bokuto’s fingers wrap around his wrist and he pulls him closer to his chest. “You know I don’t do well with… this.” He gestures towards his face “What’s wrong?”

Akasshi lets out a heavy sigh and leans onto Bokuto’s chest, his mind tricking him with the intrusive thought that, depending on Kotaro’s reaction to the news, it could be the last time he gets to do this. His fingertips trail across the grey sweater Bokuto is wearing, reaching his chin and sliding over his cheekbones, to finally get lost inside his messy hair. He can feel the other man relax in his hands while their foreheads bump against each other, their noses almost touching. “I’m really sorry, Kou.”

Keiji sounds too sad for his own good, and it only drives Bokuto’s mind towards more unwanted thoughts, but he tries to push them away as he wraps his arms around his hips and lets his head fall on his shoulder, mouth breathing against his neck. “Had a bad day?” maybe he just had a lot of work and he’s really tired, he tries to convince himself. Keiji doesn’t answer and his mind begins to slowly get out of the mud, interpreting it as a yes. He bites on the tender skin just under his ear, relishing the sound of Akaashi’s breath getting caught in his throat. “Let’s make it better, uh?” he whispers in his ear, eyeing the back of his neck to follow the traces of goosebumps on his skin.

Keiji is keeping his eyes closed, hoping to get lost in a dream and never wake up. He throws his head back, letting Bokuto trail his lips wherever he pleases, and sits on the table behind his back to wrap his legs around him. Kotaro’s hands are cold on his stomach, making him flinch and suddenly open his eyes. “Fuck” he curses under his breath, which is enough for Bokuto to stop in his movements. “We can’t do this right now.” He shakes his head against Kotaro’s chest, trying to get the most of the heat emanating from his body.

“Okay, now you’re seriously worrying me.” He cups his cheeks to look into his eyes. He finds them with just the same amount of worry, but also a hint of regret.

“I need to tell you something, because this” he points between them, then leaves his hand on his chest “this is something I can’t afford to lose.” He bites his lip, averting his eyes just in time to hide the stray tear running free down his cheek. “Not again.”

“Hey” Bokuto is trying hard to place a warm smile on his lips, but he’s not sure of the outcome. “Me neither, Keiji.” He holds his face in both of his hands, lifting it up to meet his eyes.

“I don’t think I’ve been fair to you.”

Now, a pouting Akaashi is something Bokuto wished he’d never see again. His heart feels heavy because he can sense that he’s been hurting a lot, so he just waits for him to elaborate.

“There is something I haven’t told you and the remorse is literally eating me alive.” He knits his eyebrows and this time he looks for his eyes, but a new wave of pain hits him when he finds them filled with surprise.

“Don’t” he squints at him, taking a step back “don’t tell me you’re with someone else.”

It takes about fifteen seconds for him to realize what he’s referring to, but when Bokuto takes his hand away from his thighs to tug at his own hair, he understands. “You think I have a boyfriend?” he surprises both himself and Kotaro with a laugh. He jumps off the table to take Bokuto’s hand “You know, it’s actually something like that” he can’t help but smile in irony.

“What the fuck, Keiji?”

The smile falls as soon as he sees that Bokuto’s chest is heaving with anguished breaths and his eyes are already glazed with tears. “I don’t have a boyfriend, Bokuto-san” he shakes his head, tugging at his sleeve to lead him towards the couch. “What I’m about to tell you is related to that topic, though.” He pulls a stunned Kotaro to the sofa and takes a sit beside him, shifting in his place to face him. “I want to tell you this because I want us to be together” his hands catch Bokuto’s and he places them on his lap “like, seriously together.”

Kotaro visibly relaxes, the muscles on his shoulders releasing the tension, while the wrinkles on his forehead smooth again. His hand squeezes Akaashi’s fingers and a soft gaze replaces the dread in his eyes. “I’d love to be your boyfriend, if that’s what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, but there’s something you need to know before that” Keiji intervenes, scooting closer to him “Just promise you won’t freak out and you’ll let me explain.” He pleads, both of his hands folding around Bokuto’s.

Kotaro just nods, staring at him with his lips parted. He can’t possibly imagine what he wants to say.

Akaashi looks around the room for a while “Where should I start…” he trails off, trying to find the best way to tell him “First of all, when I came here, I found out a lot about myself” he creates a contact with his eyes, approaching the subject from afar “You know I moved in with my grandma and she made me enroll in a public high-school, cause I was still underage yeah?” Bokuto nods and looks genuinely interested. They’ve never really talked about the past eight years, or at least Akaashi didn’t. Bokuto has actually told him a lot about what he did during this time. “I got held back the first year, cause everyone was already halfway through their school year and I couldn’t catch up to them.”

“What? But you’re literally the smartest person I know!” Bokuto blinks.

Akaashi smiles fondly at him, but shakes his head. “Nah, you’re just idolizing me” he laughs “plus, you know Kuroo-san.” He concedes, intertwining their fingers together and playing with Bokuto’s nails. “I tried again the next year, but when I turned eighteen in December, I decided to drop off.” Kotaro arches his eyebrows and widens his eyes, but Keiji doesn’t let him say anything. “However, that same year I met Laura, do you remember her? She came by last week while we were watching _How to get away with murder_.”

“Yeah, I do” he nods “She seems cool.”

“She’s, like, my best friend” he smiles to himself, before taking a breath and going on with the story. “But she was reckless when we were younger” he scoffs “She introduced me to the guys of the volleyball team that summer, as I told you, and we started partying around a lot.” He shrugs and inspects carefully Bokuto to see his reaction. He knows that he wasn’t really a party animal when he lived in Japan, so this might sound weird to him. In fact, his features are pinched together, trying to imagine Akaashi going to parties. “But, partying around requires money. And soon my grandma got Alzheimer, so I had to use my parent’s money to pay for her recovery, which left me with almost nothing left to mess around.”

“Your grandma has Alzheimer?” Bokuto is scrunching his eyebrows with concern.

“Had.” He corrects him “she passed away four years ago.”

“Oh, shit” his hand tightens around Akaashi’s wrist and he pulls him to his chest, letting him settle between his thighs. “What did you do then, without money?”

“I started working at the restaurant, but it still wasn’t enough. Thomas, the guy who plays libero” he hints to the player Bokuto met a couple of times when they practiced together “he noticed that I was good at drawing, so he introduced me to a friend and that’s how I ended up working in the tattoo shop.”

“Uh, that makes sense” he nods, staring into the distance and not focusing on anything in particular. “I, uh, actually” Bokuto lowers his gaze to find Akaashi’s eyes and he smiles shyly “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure”

“How has it been with the… you know, dissociations and stuff?”

Akaashi isn’t taken aback by the question, he talks about his mental health more openly now, so he just slumps his head back on Bokuto’s chest, drawing abstract patterns on his jeans. “They never left. When I was younger I used to drown them out with alcohol and cigarettes, but they just got worse with time because of the grief and the fact that I left everything… everyone in Japan…” he trails off, but soon realizes that this is the perfect cue to get to the point. “When I was nineteen my life changed, though. For the best.” He nods and straightens a bit, because he knows he needs to look straight into Kotaro’s eyes when he finally gets to say what he wants. “One night I… well, we were wasted and we smoked a lot, but still” his eyes focus and un-focus, trying to grasp onto Bokuto’s features, too close to his face to get a clear look at them “I had sex with Laura.” He bites his lip and watches him closely to look for a reaction, which hesitates to show, so he adds: “She got pregnant.”

That’s when Bokuto jumps to his feet, hands frozen by his sides and eyes wide in shock. He turns around, but he can’t find it in himself to look at Keiji. “You… w-what?” he stutters, pacing around the living room.

Keiji hears him mutter things under his breath, but he can’t get anything of what he’s saying. He just waits for him to calm down, remaining seated on the couch.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he still can’t stand still, but now the shock has turned into confusion.

“I was afraid you’d run away.” Akaashi looks him in the eyes with an earnest expression.

“What?” his eyebrows knit together while he crouches down in front of Akaashi. “I could never.”

Their eyes get lost in each other and Keiji feels a warm hand wrap around his heart, squeezing it tight. “I don’t want to force you to get involved into something this big, it must be scary and sudden.”

“Yeah, it’s scary alright” Bokuto nods chuckling a little to himself, his eyes flickering all over Akaashi’s face, taking in every detail: from the wrinkle on his nose to the stubble on his chin, everything just perfect. “But I’ve tried to live without you and I don’t get scared easily anymore, you know?” he offers him a smile, taking his hands.

Keiji bends down a little to kiss him on the lips. “You’re too sweet, Kotaro.”

Bokuto jumps back to his feet and flops on the sofa next to him. “Maybe, but I don’t hear you complaining” he wraps one arm around his shoulders to draw him closer to his chest and Keiji happily settles against it. “So, what happened next?”

“Well, I panicked.” He laughs, reliving the memory “And Laura actually said she could afford to raise him alone.”

“Oh, so it’s a boy?” Bokuto interrupts him, beaming with excitement.

Akaashi looks up with a glint in his eyes. “Yes, his name’s Samuel, but I call him Samu.”

“Aw, that’s sweet” he coos, placing a kiss on his head.

“Anyway, the exact day that he was born I changed my mind. Just seeing him, made me feel like I needed to be there for him, despite the mess that was my life back then.”

“When is his birthday?”

Akaashi smiles, somewhat grateful for Bokuto’s interest but also wondering how did he manage to take it so well and so quickly. “He was born on December 24, 2015.”

“What? That’s crazy!” Bokuto’s chest rises and he holds Keiji’s shoulders to look at him.

“I know, right?” He smiles, shaking his head. “Must be fate.” They share a few seconds of silence, but then Akaashi goes on: “When grandma died, Samu wasn’t even one year old, and my mental condition worsened, I even got depression for like a couple of years.” He gulps loudly, hands gripping the fabric of Bokuto’s sweater. Kotaro is swift to place his hand on top of his, trying to soothe him. “Laura wouldn’t let me see Samu anymore, and that’s when the situation became unbearable.” He’s grateful for Bokuto’s silence, his mind is already loud enough on its own. He tries to focus on Kotaro’s lips placed on his head, his hot breath warming his skin and his hands gently stroking him. “I eventually decided to see a therapist. That was the best decision I could ever make. She helped me a lot, I still see her sometimes, and my dissociation episodes became easier to handle.”

Bokuto holds him tighter and presses his lips against his temple. “I’m so proud of you, Keiji.”

Akaashi lifts his head to kiss him back. “Thank you, but I think I wouldn’t have done anything if it wasn’t for Samu.”

Bokuto nods against his head. “Yeah, you’re lucky to have him.”

Keiji stares at him for a while, agreeing with him but also admiring him for acting so mature about it. The old Bokuto would have been sulking, maybe crying and feeling scared that Keiji couldn’t love him enough now that he has a family of his own. But he realizes that he’s looking at an improved version of his ace now and, even though he didn’t think it was possible, he feels like he loves him even more for that. “Thank you for listening to me, Kou.”

Bokuto scoffs and tackles him down on the sofa. “Are you surprised, Agaashi?” he laughs, wiggling his eyebrows before launching on his stomach and tickling him right where he knows he’s the most sensitive.

“Stop!” Akaashi has tears in his eyes from the effort of laughter, but he doesn’t expect Bokuto to actually listen to him. Instead he does, freezing with his hand under his shirt and his forehead on his shoulder.

“Can I meet him?”

Akaashi looks down to find a pair of large, gleaming, golden eyes and he smiles. “If you want to.”

* * *

The street lamps cast a warm beam of light through the partially drawn curtains, scattering on the mirror in front of him. Their reflection stares back at Akaashi, as he trails every single detail of their bodies, tangled up together and portrayed into the glass. Shadows dance around the room, flashing lights and wavy silhouettes run on the walls and against their bodies, playing with the dim colors of the bedroom. His skin looks paler in contrast to Bokuto’s tanned complexion and the creamy sheets wrapped around their limbs. Golden and dark mingle together in a game of shades and colors, giving an eternal vibe to their reflection. It reminds him of a Renaissance portrait, where lights are used to represent the immortality of the soul and the human body is worshipped, its features enhanced by high precision details and a defined anatomy.

Through the mirror, Bokuto catches his eyes and smiles fondly, placing a tender kiss on the bruised skin of a love bite he left just half an hour ago. His fingers interlace together on Akaashi’s stomach, pulling him even closer to his chest and enveloping him in the body heat emanating from his skin. A trail of kisses makes its way towards Keiji’s chin, he turns his head just enough to meet Kotaro’s lips when he reaches his owns.

Keiji lets his slender fingers slide gently across Bokuto’s bicep, braking away from the kiss to inspect the tattoo he made. “I told you it would suit you.”

Bokuto leans on one elbow to hold himself up while following Akaashi’s gaze. He smiles when he remembers the day he walked inside the tattoo shop. “Yeah you did an amazing job.” He slides back to his previous position, holding Keiji’s back against his chest and trailing over his tattoos with one hand. He likes the design of his tattoos, they are mostly abstract patterns and decorative figures, so he just assumed they didn’t have any particular meaning to him. But it occurs to him that, even though he has seen his body quite a few times in the past couple of weeks, he never really asked about them. “How did you choose your tattoos?”

“Mh” Keiji closes his eyes before turning around to face him and bury his head in the crook of his neck. “I designed them together with my coworkers” he mumbles, lips moving sloppily against Bokuto’s skin. “Most of them at least.”

Kotaro nuzzles his nose into Akaashi’s hair, soft strands tickling his cheeks. “Do they hold any special meaning?”

A small laugh erupts from within Keiji’s chest, then he slumps his head on the pillow to look him straight in his face. “I thought you figured it out already.”

Bokuto must have a funny expression, because Akaashi looks at him and smiles even wider. He points at his chest, right in the middle of which are the kanji symbols for the names of his parents. “I mean, you can read them, can’t you?”

Kotaro laughs together with him. “No of course this is obvious, but like” his hand reaches for Akaashi’s side, fingertips grazing the tender skin under his arm and right on his ribs “this is weird.”

Keiji follows his hand, lifting up his arm to show him better. “Oh, wow you got me, this one does have a meaning. It’s just that I don’t see it often cause it’s in a weird place.”

The ink spreads vertically in elegant shapes, drawing circles and spirals. The endearing part of it is that it never ends. Every single line composing the tattoo is connected to another, creating a sort of organized, round-shaped and esthetically pleasing maze. “Well, the circle symbolizes perfection and the fact that the lines never end stands for continuity… I kind of wanted to represent the concept of life.”

Bokuto’s eyebrows draw together, trying to grasp the abstract concept. “Like the circle of life?” he hopes that the Lion King reference won’t make him sound more stupid than usual.

“Something like that” Akaashi leaves Kotaro’s hand on his side and smiles up at him. “If you look closer, though, you’ll see it hides two letters.”

Curiosity lights up in Kotaro’s eyes and he gets closer to the tattoo to inspect it. “Oh” he whispers when he’s finally able to make out the letters “I see an S and a K. You and Samu, right?” he smiles, proud of his discovery, and lays back beside Akaashi.

Keiji lifts one hand to cup his cheek, closing the gap to rub their noses together. “Not quite.” He whispers.

The room is silent for half a minute. The cars passing by the street far below them and the background buzzing of the city slowly fading away, overpowered by the sound of their heartbeats.

“I wanted a tattoo that represented those who helped me get to this point.” His eyes never leave Kotaro’s, even when he leans in to place a kiss on his lips. “Those people who made me realize that I can be strong enough to stand on my own legs.” And his eyes hold tight onto Bokuto’s gaze even after a few tears escape from his golden irises. “And even though I can’t be proud of who I’ve been after I left you, even though I’m still afraid I’ll fall back into my bad habits someday, you have been and you still are the only one who knows who I am.” A small line forms between his eyebrows as he concentrates on his feelings. “So yeah, K stands for Kotaro.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mentioned dissociation episodes for the first time here, but don't worry if you don't know what they are: next chapter will explain everything you need to know.  
> Watch me educate people on psychology through fanfictions lol I'm so professional


	17. The cherry and the tree - flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if it's a thing on AO3, but on wattpad I would sometimes recommend songs to listen to while reading cause I feel like they build the right atmosphere :) So for this chapter I'd recommend "I was me" by Imagine Dragons ;)

The landscape runs wildly on the other side if the window, trees and houses nothing more than a blur of colors and vague shapes that approach him just to disappear a few seconds later. The railway under their feet screeches every once in a while, the train proceeds at a steady pace producing a rhythmic sound of the wheels against the iron. The sun is shining high in the sky, warming the roofs and promising a hot day just around the corner.

On the seat in front of him, Keiji is sleeping with his head resting on his hand and Bokuto’s sweater tucked between his cheek and his shoulder, a thoughtful thing Kotaro did after he fell asleep to prevent him from waking up with a sore neck. His smile grows only wider as he admires his beauty kissed by the sunlight, reminding him of the reason behind their trip.

Today is four months since they got together. They’re going back to his grandma’s for the occasion, on Bokuto’s request.

A lot has happened since the last time they’ve been in Sakura. Kotaro has finally found out more about Keiji’s life and he couldn’t be happier about it: the fact that they got together was, apparently, a great incentive for Akaashi to talk more freely about whatever was going through his head. Which, as Bokuto found out, was actually a lot.

At first, it was hard to convince him that it was alright to open up more, but after a couple of tries he got used to it. Bokuto would always insist on spending the evening at the phone whenever Keiji’s dad was home, because he didn’t know if he could bear to see Akaashi like he found him four months ago.

Their relationship is still closeted, though, because they both don’t feel comfortable enough to be open in school, where they mostly exchange fugitive looks and only barely manage to steal a couple of kisses in the back of the courtyard, when no one is around. Bokuto is fine with this, because the classroom is the only place where he feels like he needs to contain himself: his mum has always known about Akaashi, and their teammates are totally cool with them being together, as they found out one evening when they thought they were alone in the gym after practice, but realized too late that everyone else was just waiting for them outside the locker room. That was embarrassing. Akaashi didn’t want to talk to him for a day, but he made it up to him with a really cute owl plushy.

Still, he understands that Keiji is the one suffering the most from their hidden relationship, because he hasn’t come out to his parents yet. Kotaro has tried to talk to him about it, until one day Akaashi just told him straight and clear that he didn’t know how his father would react. His mother was cool, apparently, maybe because she came from Italy and had a different mentality, but his father was “traditional”, to use Akaashi’s words. Bokuto thinks that claiming he’s just sticking to tradition is a lame excuse for his meanness. He couldn’t bear to see Akaashi flinch every time he tried to hold his hand in front of his house, or refraining from kissing him goodbye when he walked him home after school, but he knows it’s something only Keiji can change.

One night they were at the phone, Keiji was crying for something his father said to him and told Bokuto that he’s always been verbally aggressive towards him ever since he was a child. Then, when he was in elementary school, he’d found some drawing of Keiji holding a classmate’s hand and he’d gone berserk. Akaashi always finds excuses for his dad: even if he’s talking to Bokuto and it would be okay to just insult him openly, he says that it’s not really his fault if he can’t bear the thought of his son being gay, cause that’d be a disgrace to their name or whatever. Seriously, it’s 2012 for god’s sake.

Anyways, his father did one good thing: he sent Akaashi to a psychologist. Of course, he did it for all the wrong reasons – such as “converting” his son to heterosexuality – but it still turned out to be helpful for Keiji. He has told Bokuto that he didn’t know if he would’ve ever actually accepted the fact that he was in love with him, if he didn’t go to therapy. This is the most he’s told him about going to therapy and Kotaro accepts it because it must be a very private matter, so he doesn’t feel like intruding more than he already has.

He realizes that he’s staring at Akaashi with a dumb smile on his lips only when he starts stirring and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He looks adorable, scratching his head and yawning like a kitten.

“I think this is our stop, Kou.” He blinks to hold Kotaro’s face into focus, while squinting his eyes for the light.

Bokuto jumps to his feet and reaches over the luggage rack to take their bags. “You’re right” but how the hell did he know we’re arrived if he’s been sleeping all this time? He laughs to himself, stepping out of the train and into the warm morning of July.

“Bokuto-san, I can bring my own bag.” Despite the warm temperature, Keiji has Kotaro’s sweater draped over his shoulders, which is about two sizes larger than him, making him look small.

Bokuto smiles before placing a tender kiss on his forehead. “I know, but let me carry it for you.” He doesn’t wait for an answer and just walks out of the station and on the sidewalk, checking to see if Keiji is following him.

* * *

Bokuto insisted that they go out for a run, because it’s summer break and they haven’t practiced in three days.

Seriously.

Three. Days.

Akaashi huffs and tries to keep up the pace with him, while cursing him in his mind for being so over energetic all the time. He tried to convince him that it would be fine to live another day without any physical activity, but Bokuto just walked out the door and said he could stay with his grandma if he didn’t want to. Obviously, he was just trying to make him feel guilty and lure him into joining him and Akaashi knew this, but he followed him anyways.

That’s how he ended up with his insides screaming for oxygen and his lungs convulsing, trying to grasp more air than necessary. He isn’t out of shape, at all, but it’s four in the afternoon and the sun is scorching hot. Plus, Bokuto chose a particularly sunny road, without any tree in sight, just fields and fields and even more fields. It’s only after twenty minutes of running, that he notices a bunch of green on one side of the street, and his feet find the energy somewhere to pump forward because they know that’s his only salvation.

The trees are getting closer, now he can distinguish every single one of them and the welcoming shade they seem to offer looks delicious. ‘Breathe, Keiji, remember to breathe’ he reminds himself, taking large inhales of air and releasing them violently through his mouth.

When he finally reaches the first tree, he collapses against the trunk, one hand pressed against his chest and the other holding himself up.

“Keiji! Did you hurt yourself?”

Bokuto’s voice sounds distant and small, nothing compared to the loud sound of blood pulsing in his ears. “I think I’m gonna throw up.” He manages to say between heavy breaths.

“Oh shit” Bokuto walks behind him and places one hand on his back “Do you need some water?” he struggles to take the bottle out of his backpack, but when he does, he hasn’t the time to uncap it. Keiji’s hands visibly tremble as he snatches it from him, trying to open it and bring it to his mouth. “Here babe let me” he places his hands above Akaashi’s and unscrews the cap, then he helps him drinking from it. Even if his hands are trying to hold him still, he still manages to spill water over his t-shirt.

His blurry vision is getting clearer now and the booming in his ears is slowly fading, but he still feels his face burning and his chest is heaving with every breath. He’s silently grateful to Bokuto when he swiftly wipes away the sweat from his face and neck with a blue towel, then gently blows air on his face. Keiji closes his eyes and lays his head back against the wood, trying to gain control over his heartbeat.

When he feels like his breathing is closer to normal, he opens his eyes and smiles weakly. “Thanks.”

“I didn’t notice you were so hot.” Bokuto pouts, feeling guilty for pushing him over his limits, but his face lights up with confusion when Keiji tries and fail to hold back a snicker by biting the inside of his cheek.

“Didn’t you?” he laughs with a playful glint in his eyes and it hits Bokuto that what he just said could sound different than what he meant.

“Ugh, I didn’t mean it like that!” he complains, covering his face with his hands, embarrassed.

“Uh?” Akaashi’s fingers curl around Bokuto’s wrists to gently peel his hands away from his face. “You don’t think I’m hot?” the smile threatens to turn into a laugh again.

“No, I do, of course you’re hot.” He stumbles over his words, trying to reduce the damage, but this makes Keiji laugh louder. “Stop it, you’re making me blush!”

Akaashi is giggling softly at this point, getting too caught up in admiring his boyfriend’s charming awkwardness. He tugs at his hands to make him step closer, until he’s close enough to press their lips together, not minding the fact that Keiji was practically having a stroke just a few minutes ago.

Bokuto is just slightly taken aback, not because Akaashi doesn’t usually kiss him, but because he never does it out in the open, and he has been scolded by him a couple of times when he tried to kiss him outside. But, right in the middle of the kiss, a sudden thought crosses his mind and he abruptly breaks away from it, eyes scanning their surroundings. Keiji is about to complain, but he beats him to it with a huge smile plastered on his face when he realizes where they are. “Hey, look” he nods towards the trees behind Akaashi’s back “this is the same place.”

Akaashi whips around, as his eyes take in the green leaves and cool shade. “You’re right.” He whispers, tilting his chin to look for flowers among the branches. Obviously, he can’t find any beacuse it’s July. “They’re cherries now.” He smiles when he realizes the fortunate coincidence.

Bokuto silently holds his hand and ventures deeper amongst the trees, mesmerized by the atmosphere and relieved by the cool breeze blowing through the leaves. The colors are totally different from four months ago, it’s crazy how much a season can change the whole vibe of a landscape. The green above their heads is much deeper now and red dots are scattered everywhere, some of them in bunches, others lonely. He reaches forward to take a couple of cherries and offers one to Keiji.

“Mh, wow they’re sweet” Akaashi mumbles, pleased with the taste of the fruit.

“I told you, it’s all about time and waiting” Kotaro adds, mindlessly referring to what he told him the last time they’ve been there. “Everything has ups and downs, you just have to wait for the right time.”

The way he’s telling him this, it sounds almost as if he’s trying to convince him. It makes Keiji wonder if there might be another meaning behind those words. “Are you trying to say that, since I’m with you, every problem I had will magically disappear?” he laughs to himself.

Kotaro turns to look at him with a crease between his brows. “Of course not” he shakes his head “I’m just trying to say that you can solve your own problems, when the time comes. You don’t need me for that.” His eyes leave Akaashi’s to look forward and a deep silence is the only thing left between them.

“I think I do, though” Keiji’s voice is small as he stares at his feet, softly disappearing into the thick grass.

Bokuto stops to look at him with a serious expression. It’s weird to see it on his face. “No, you don’t. I’ll be here any time you need me, but you’re the only one who can solve your problems.” He tilts his head and cups Akaashi’s cheek with one hand, thumb gently stroking his skin. “It’s like… I’m the tree, you’re the cherry.” He smiles with just one corner of his mouth.

Keiji is trying hard to understands what he’s trying to tell him, but he doesn’t get it. It must show on his face, though, because soon Kotaro explains: “You are the one in charge when it comes to deciding when to blossom and you’re the one who can understand how to do so. I’m just there to support you.”

Akaashi doesn’t know why, but every time Bokuto says something sweet or affectionate, he can’t find anything to say back because everything that comes to his mind sounds stupid compared to his words. What can he even say? Thanks? He just said something so deep and all he can think of is thanks? He places a small kiss on his boyfriend’s lips, while his mind is still looking for something, anything. Then, suddenly, the words of his psychologist echo in his brain and he knows exactly what he can say back to Kotaro. ‘You need to trust someone’ she said, ‘because no one can heal alone’.

“I want to tell you something, Kou” the look on his face is resolute and confident while he guides the both of them towards the next trunk and slides down against it, patting the grass beside him for Bokuto. They sit with their backs against the wood, in silence, until Keiji takes a deep breath and turns his head to look at him. “Three days ago, do you remember?” he gulps.

“Remember what?” Bokuto’s eyes search inside Keiji’s, he doesn’t know if he should be worried or happy that he has something to tell him.

“I mean” he can’t stop the blush from creeping up his neck and swiftly invading his cheeks, so he breaks the eye contact and plays with the strands of grass between his fingers “what we did…?” he seriously hopes he won’t have to explain it better, because he knows he’ll get awkward.

Luckily, Kotaro seems to catch on, maybe the heavy blush on his whole face helped him. “Oh, you mean our first time?” he innocently asks, smiling and taking Keiji’s hand in his own, keeping him from tearing away every single blade of grass under their feet. “Of course I do, why?”

Keiji feels his hand become clammy and sweaty inside Bokuto’s palm, he closes his eyes before admitting: “Cause I don’t” in a small voice.

Kotaro needs to blink a couple of times to make sure he isn’t hallucinating, when he tries to speak he stutters “W-w-what? Ho-how…”

Akaashi opens his eyes and finds the courage to look at him, albeit with sad eyes. “I remember most of it, but I have… a weird sense of time and I can’t think about it coherently because… like, time and space are so messed up inside my head, it’s like it happened in a dream.” He tries to explain, looking for Bokuto’s eyes but finding them wandering around and trying to grasp the meaning of what he’s saying. “It’s not your fault, it’s actually a psychological condition.” He sucks on his teeth, folding his hands around his knees and bringing them close to his chest.

At this, Kotaro slowly turns his head around and carefully looks into his eyes. “What is it that you don’t remember?”

He can tell that he’s trying to keep a steady voice, hiding the concern and the shock behind it. He sighs and rests his head on Bokuto’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, that was a poor choice of words” he shakes his head “It’s not that I can’t remember, it’s just... it’s like I wasn’t really there.”

“But” he shuffles around to turn his chest towards Akaashi “I didn’t notice anything.”

“It’s alright if you didn’t, no one does” he seriously states, not trying to play the victim but objectively presenting the facts “I haven’t told anyone, not even my mum, but my doctor said I should tell you, at least.”

Bokuto’s head falls on top of his and he drapes one arm across his shoulders to hold him closer. “I’m really glad you told me, I am” he nods, nose buried in Akaashi’s hair “But why did it happen? And why didn’t I notice? You weren’t really there, right? I feel like” he stops mid-sentence, blinking rapidly to avoid tears “Like I used you.” He breaths out, not believing his own words but knowing that he’s speaking for his feelings.

“It’s not like that” Keiji assures him, craning his neck to look at him from where he’s resting his head against his chest. Bokuto pulls him closer, letting him sit between his legs with his back on his chest, and holds him tight, burying his face in his shoulder. “Kou, please, that’s not what happened” he strokes his hair with one hand “I wanted to, I was totally there when I gave consent, alright?” he feels him nod but he doesn’t lift his face from Keiji’s neck. “The doctor says that it’s something like… interiorized homophobia?” he tries to remember the words she used “It seems my father’s thoughts eventually rubbed off on me, but to an unconscious level. So, like, I know I wanted to, but a part of me rejected it because it thought it was wrong or something like that… and that’s why I had a dissociation.”

Kotaro has so many questions flooding his mind, that the only thing that manages to escape out of his mouth is: “Fucking bastard.”

Keiji flinches at the words, but he can understand where Bokuto is coming from. “He’s still my father, you know?”

Bokuto mumbles something under his breath, but it’s probably for the best, because Akaashi doesn’t need to hear those things.

“Anyway, I dissociate pretty frequently and that’s become problematic in the last few years.” He tries to go on with his talk, but Bokuto interrupts him.

“I’m sorry I’m ignorant, but what’s a dissociation?” he says softly, cheek leaning against Keiji’s ear.

“You know like… when you think you’re listening to the teacher, but the bell rings and you realize you just zoned out for the last five minutes?” he quickly finds an example of what he thinks can happen to normal people, and keeps explaining only after Bokuto nods. “It’s just like that, but it can last longer and it happens more often. Sometimes time and space feel stretched, other times I feel like I’m going too fast and I’m ahead of time… On top of that, these frequent dissociations cause me trouble in holding a steady image of myself, or of my surroundings.” He doesn’t really know if anything of this makes sense to Bokuto, but he keeps talking because now that he’s started he doesn’t know how to stop. “It’s happened to me that I would wake up and my own bedroom looked deformed, warped, like in a nightmare, or that I would stare at the clock, begging it to slow down. At times I can’t even recognize myself through the mirror.”

“Keiji” he doesn’t know what to say. What Akaashi is telling him seems a really serious condition and he can’t believe that no one knows about it, not even his family.

“It’s not like in movies, though. ‘ve never committed a crime and I remember everything I do when I’m like this.” He scoffs. “I’m just totally confused most of the time.”

Bokuto decides that silence is the best choice. He holds him closer and strokes his hair, his head resting right under his chin. Every once in a while, he places a small kiss on his forehead, but he doesn’t dare to say a word, fearing that he may have something else to say and not wanting to interrupt him.

“It has never happened when I was with you, until…” he trails off, knowing he can’t say out loud what they did three days ago, but Kotaro would understand. “And it doesn’t happen when I’m playing volleyball, I can keep my concentration better if I’m using muscle memory.”

Bokuto hums in answer, still waiting for him to spill everything out.

“It’s called DDD, Dissociation and Derealization Disorder.” The wind blows gently against his face and he closes his eyes. “For me, it came along with anxiety.” He lets the silence soak the both of them in a gentle embrace, then he adds: “When I dissociate I usually can’t feel anything, emotionally speaking, it’s like a coping mechanism to escape reality. But it doesn’t do any good anymore, it just makes me confused about myself. I always doubt everything I’m thinking, everything I’m doing. I think” he tilts his chin to look at Kotaro, who’s staring into distance with his head resting on Keiji’s shoulder “I think I don’t know who I am, Kou.”

He laughs sarcastically, but Bokuto can find the hint of sadness behind it. Suddenly, he knows what to say. “I know you, Keiji” his voice is so confident that Akaashi doesn’t find the strength to doubt him. “If you don’t remember who you are, just ask me. I know.” He rests his forehead against Keiji’s, nodding slowly and capturing his gaze.

“That’s what I meant with the tree and the cherry” his smile is sweet against Akaashi’s lips and it’s contagious “You can rely on me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have questions about dissociations, I'd be happy to answer in the comments :)


	18. It's a pleasure to meet you, Bokuto-san!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of death

Today is the day.

Bokuto slept over last night and, since it’s Saturday and he doesn’t have to work, Akaashi decided it was the best moment to introduce him to Samu. He texted Laura as soon as he woke up, asking if she could bring their son over, and they agreed on letting him stay until Sunday morning. Bokuto was excited when he asked him if it was alright, this morning, but now he’s not so sure anymore. He’s been talking non-stop since before lunch. Knowing that Samu would be here at around three in the afternoon, he’s starting to seriously get anxious about the encounter.

That’s why Keiji suggests that they should watch something on the tv, but Bokuto just can’t sit still on the couch and keeps shuffling around and shifting his position, exhaling loud and long sighs every ten minutes or so. “Kou” he places the palm of his hand on his thigh, over Kotaro’s sweatpants, and his head whips around so fast that he’s afraid he might have dislocated a couple of vertebrae “He’s just five, he won’t bite you.”

Bokuto laughs nervously, ashamed of his obvious behavior, and sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. “I know, it’s just that I’m super scared of what he might think of me.”

Keiji laughs whole-heartedly. “He’s five! The only bad thing he can think about you is that your chin is itchy.”

Bokuto furrows his eyebrows, mindlessly stroking the stubble on his face. “No, I mean, you’re his father and he’s never met me.” He whispers, almost to himself “What do you want to tell him? That we’re friends?”

“Mh” Keiji hums, resting his back against the sofa “I thought I’d just say there was someone I wanted him to meet.” He shrugs.

“But like” he slumps against the back of the couch, his torso slightly turned to face Akaashi “Are we allowed to kiss in front of him? Can I hold your hand? Or hug you?” the panicked expression on his face only intensifies as more and more questions come to his mind. “Ugh, just tell me what you want me to do!”

“For now, just breathe.” He states matter-of-factly “Follow my lead when he gets here, if you’re so anxious about it.” He suggests, tilting his head “But don’t stress too much, he already knows who you are.”

This new piece of information rings a bell in Bokuto’s ear. “You’ve told him about me?”

“Not exactly?” Keiji is hesitant but, even if he knows that it’ll make him sound creepy, he doesn’t really have a choice on whether to tell him or not. “We might have watched the Olympic games together…” he mumbles under his breath, hoping to disappear inside the blue cushion under his butt-cheeks.

“You’ve watched me play?” Kotaro sounds genuinely surprised, but the excitement is clear in his voice as well. Akaashi simply nods. “With him?”

“Yeah, he likes volleyball too.” He tries to change the subject and smoothly succeeds. “He admires you a lot, you know?”

“You can’t be serious.” Bokuto’s mood has already changed, jumping up to the moon.

“He does, I swear.” He fondly smiles at him, resting his head on his hand against the back of the couch. It’s amazing how compliments still have that same effect on him.

“Tell me something more about him.” Bokuto mirrors his position and pats his knee encouragingly.

“Let’s see…” he rubs his chin, thinking about what to tell him. “I don’t know why, but he’s already pretty good at math.” His eyebrows arch, underlining his surprise. “This is something he didn’t take from me, for sure.”

Bokuto laughs and feels himself much more relaxed now that they’re talking, but suddenly his whole body tenses up when the doorbell rings.

“Oh, this must be him.” Keiji stands up and heads for the door, well aware of the fact that Bokuto is frozen on the couch. He really hopes he will chill out once he meets him.

Bokuto is barely able to crane his neck and take a look at the door. Akaashi opens to a short man with black spiky hair, who looks like he’s older than them, maybe in his thirties. He’s holding a backpack and talking to Keiji in Italian, so Kotaro decides to take the chance to practice the language and tries to understand what they’re talking about. Sadly, he can only say basic things. He still has trouble with the most common sentences, like giving directions or asking for a coffee, so it’s no surprise that the only thing he can grasp from the entire conversation is “grazie” and “ciao”. He assumes that the man is related to Samu in some way, and that the backpack contains a change of clothes for the night. He’s still lost in these thoughts, when he hears the door close shut and he jolts back to life, springing to his feet without wanting to.

Keiji is talking to who must be Samu. Kotaro feels his mouth dry and his tongue become swollen and heavy. ‘Come on, he’s just a child. Just a child’ he keeps reminding himself, but for some reason he can’t get his feet to lift from the ground.

“Samu” Akaashi crouches down beside his son, who was hugging his leg until now “There’s someone I want you to meet.” He smiles and nods faintly towards where Bokuto is standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room.

It hits Bokuto now, that Akaashi has been speaking Japanese. Of course, it would have been a huge problem if Samu didn’t speak Japanese, but the thought didn’t cross his mind until now.

“He’s…” Keiji looks at Kotaro with a faint smile “my old friend from Tokyo.”

Bokuto’s eyes can’t meet Akaashi: he’s too caught up in staring at his son. Samu has Keiji’s eye color, but the shape is different, rounder and larger, while his nose is exactly the same as Akaashi’s: slightly turned upwards and cutely small. He’s staring at Kotaro with his mouth visibly agape and a glint in his eyes. This is when he realizes that maybe, since he is the adult, he should be the one to approach him. He wills his feet to walk around the couch and stand in front of him, while Keiji is being pulled closer to Samu, who whispers something in his ear. Bokuto is still standing there, embarrassment clear all over his face. It turns into surprise when Akaashi’s laugh resonates in the room.

“Sure, go” Keiji smiles fondly at his son and gently urges him to step forward towards Bokuto, then he stands up and watches the scene with his arms crossed.

Samu totters towards him and, when he’s close, Kotaro feels the urge to squat down beside him to be at his eye level.

He folds his hands behind his back and bows deeply in front of him, saying clearly: “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Bokuto-san.”

And maybe it’s the fact that they look so alike, or maybe it’s because of the way he called him, but Bokuto feels a pang in his chest and a knot build up at the base of his throat. He swallows it and hides his emotions with a loud laugh, then he finds his voice somewhere. “Please don’t bow! And you can call me Kotaro” he giggles, then looks up at Akaashi “What have you taught him, Keiji?” He just shrugs in answer, so Kotaro addresses Samu directly. “Is it alright if I call you Samu?”

The kid nods eagerly and straightens up, then he starts fidgeting with his fingers, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and looking down. “Can I ask you something, Bok-… uh, Kotaro?”

‘How is this kid so adorable?’ is the only thought running through his mind, but then he remembers that he’s Keiji’s son and his cuteness is probably simply genetics. “Yeah, sure.”

“I r-r-really…” he stutters and turns around to look at his father for approval, who just nods and smiles for him to go on. “You are the strongest ace of the world!” Samu gestures with his hands to measure Bokuto’s supposed greatness. “And when I grow up I wanna be just like you.” He mutters, never looking him in the eyes.

Kotaro can’t help but laugh, looking towards Akaashi. “Like me?” Samu nods. “And why not like your dad?” he lifts one eyebrow, now his expression is deadly serious as he looks back at Samu. “He’s the strongest setter of the world.”

Keiji pretends not to be flattered and focuses hard on keeping his expression neutral.

“But the ace is cooler!” Samu is gradually losing his shyness, talking louder every passing second. “And dad didn’t play for Japan, so you must be stronger.”

Bokuto scoffs. “If you want to become a strong ace, like me, there’s one thing you need to know” he holds his index finger in front of their faces, with a playful smile. “An amazing setter is what makes an amazing ace” his eyebrows arch upwards, Samu listening carefully to every word he’s saying “If now I’m the strongest ace of the world, it’s thanks to your father.”

“Oh, shut up” Akaashi intervenes with a chuckle, a blush obvious on his cheeks “Just ask him already, Samu.”

Samu smiles at his father and, when he turns back to Bokuto, he’s jumping on his feet. “Yes! Can I have your autograph?”

“My…?” Kotaro is laughing too hard in front of this child, he needs to contain himself, because the kid is deadly serious. “Okay, what if I gave you a hug instead?” he suggests, opening his arms wide and not missing the approving smile on Akaashi’s lips.

Samu blushes a deep shade of pink, but eagerly stumbles into Bokuto’s arms and wraps his arms around his torso for as much as he can. Kotaro’s heart is too weak for this, he doesn’t know if he can bear any more cuteness. But apparently he has to, because when he opens his eyes, Keiji is staring at them with a tear running down his face. Bokuto lifts one arm and gestures with his hand for Keiji to join the hug, who clears his throat while crouching down and stealing a kiss from Kotaro before wrapping his arms around the both of them.

Bokuto’s hands hold Keiji’s, soothing him with gentle strokes of his thumbs against his skin. He’s just about to tell him something, but Samu squeals in excitement: “Yay! Sandwich!” and they all end up laughing.

* * *

Akaashi is walking among the cherry trees, which are glowing with pink blossoms.

The air is clear and there is a sweet smell of grass and flowers. In front of him, Bokuto turns around and holds his hand, smiling. “Come with me, Keiji” he tells him, and Akaashi nods, feeling warmth spread inside his chest.

He takes one step towards him, but suddenly he’s too far from Bokuto to reach him. He stretches his arms forward, calling for him and begging him to wait, to stand still. But Kotaro has his back turned to him and walks away, he can’t hear him.

“Please, stop! Kotaro, stop!” he screams and tries to force his feet to walk faster, but they seem to be moving in slow motion, everything around him is going too fast and he’s been left behind.

When Bokuto reaches the last cherry tree, he turns around. He’s crying copiously. “Don’t leave me, Keiji” he sobs and holds his arm out for the last time for Akaashi, but he’s too far and his feet are not moving anymore.

“No” Akaashi’s legs are hurting from the effort, but he can’t do anything in front of the image of Kotaro vanishing into thin air. “No! Kou! Come back!” he feels his chest burn. His throat is dry and scratched, making his voice break at the end of his cry.

He’s left alone. He frantically looks around to look for Kotaro, because he can’t be too far away. He must be somewhere.

But the trees around him don’t have flowers anymore. The sky is thick with fog, the sun nowhere to be seen. The trunks of the trees bend and crack in every direction, their branches stretching crookedly into the air, as if asking for help.

His heart starts to beat faster in his throat, anguish and dread take a hold of his mind, and suddenly everything starts shifting. Is this a dissociation? Is he having an episode? It’s been so long since he’s had one so strong.

He looks down at his feet, vertigo and a sense of dizziness latching onto his soul, as he watches the ground disappear and his hold on the floor being washed away with it.

He falls.

The fall never ends, it seems to last forever, but it’s also over in a matter of seconds. When he lands, he does it perfectly unscathed, on both of his legs. His shoes screech against the white tiles under them.

He doesn’t have the time to feel relieved though, because, when his eyes scan the room, a sense of dread and eeriness seeps into his body, freezing his lungs and gluing his feet to the ground.

He’s back in the locker room.

His breathing is ragged and air struggles to fill his chest, but he can see clearly the scene in front of his face.

“Mum?” his whisper is nothing but a gust of wind blowing through the open window.

Her body is almost invisible under the amount of debris covering it, but he knows she’s there. And, for some reason, he knows that she can hear him. There is no blood, she doesn’t have one single scratch on her. He can see one hand emerging from the mountain of rubble, her fingers twitching as if trying to hold onto something.

“Mum! Hold on!” he can save her. He knows it.

He runs to the heap of crumbled concrete and dust, his hands start digging into it, not caring if his nails are breaking and his skin is scratching open. He’s almost there, he can feel it. He can see her red dress under the pile of rubbish, as he frantically wipes away the debris. Suddenly, her face emerges. She has her eyes open and a wicked smile on her lips.

“ _Mamma_?” he doesn’t know why, but he calls her in Italian.

She smiles sadly, one hand lifts to his cheek to stroke it. She’s cold. “I’m dead, Keiji.”

“No” he shakes his head, not wanting to lose her again, and holds her face to his chest. But she’s perfectly still now, not even one single muscle twitching. “No” hot tears are streaming down his face, when he feels one hand on his shoulder.

His head whips around and tears of sadness become pure rage when his eyes meet his father. “You! It’s your fault!” He gently lets his mom rest on the floor and stands up, throwing a punch straight at his dad’s face. “It’s your fault!” with a loud grunt he launches forward, his hands wrapping around his father’s throat.

He doesn’t even flinch. He keeps staring at Keiji with a smug smile and a defiant glare in his eyes. Akaashi squeezes his hands while a scream climbs inside his lungs, erupting from his mouth with an unknown force. “ _Mamma_!”

“Keiji”

The echo of a foreign voice reaches his ears, bouncing on the walls and making him release his hold on his father’s throat.

“Keiji!”

He stumbles backwards, blinking rapidly as the scene before his eyes slowly dissipates.

“Keiji, wake up!” Kotaro is straddling his hips, holding his shoulders and gently rubbing his arms up and down, with a worried expression on his face.

When he opens his eyes, his mouth widens to grasp air and his lungs convulse around the need of oxygen. He shoots up to a sitting position, his head slamming onto Kotaro’s chest. He realizes that he’s shaking only when Bokuto’s arms wrap around his back.

“It’s okay, it was just a dream.”

Keiji hears himself sob loudly before he can even process that he’s awake, he can’t stop his hands from gripping tightly onto Kotaro’s t-shirt.

“It’s over” he kisses his head, combing his fingers through his hair “I got you.”

After a couple of minutes, he’s stopped crying and he’s just resting his head in Bokuto’s arms, while he’s humming a soft tune in his ear.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kotaro’s voice is barely a whisper.

Keiji just shakes his head. “The usual. My parents.”

Bokuto sighs. “Okay” he places a small kiss on his temple, then holds his face in his hands “I’ll get you some water, okay?” Akaashi nods and thanks him, watching his back as he walks out of the bedroom.

Bokuto doesn’t turn the lights on, the street lamps and the rising sun are offering enough illumination to reach the fridge and take a bottle of water. He takes a few gulps from it himself, sighing loudly and wiping away the sweat from his forehead. He hates to see Keiji so vulnerable, and a part of him feels guilty for letting him deal with this alone for eight years, but deeply down he knows that it’s no one’s fault.

“Was daddy having a nightmare again?”

Kotaro jumps on his feet and turns around, facing the source of the voice. Samu is standing in front of the sofa, rubbing his sleepy eyes and yawning. Keiji’s screams must have woken him up, and Bokuto feels sorry for him. It must be stressful to hear your father have a nightmare like that, especially if it happened more than once before. He approaches Samu and sits on the sofa, gesturing for him to sit on his lap. “He was. Does he have them often?”

Samu nods and leans his head on his shoulder, eyes fluttering closed. “He says he dreams about my grandparents” he mumbles.

“Mh” he hums, rubbing Samu’s back with the palm of his hand “Are you scared when he has nightmares?”

Samu doesn’t answer for a while and Kotaro starts to think that he’s fallen back asleep, but then he talks. “Not really. I’m just sorry.”

“Yeah, me too” he sighs, hugging him closer.

“Do you know what happened to my grandparents?” Samu sits up to look at him, with a pout on his lips “Daddy won’t tell me.”

“I do.” He nods.

“Can you tell me?” his eyes beg for a story, wanting to know the reason behind Keiji’s troubled sleep.

“I’m afraid I can’t.” he shakes his head with his eyebrows furrowed “I can’t tell your father’s story, Samu.”

Samu looks down, visibly disappointed, but doesn’t try to argue and Bokuto is grateful for this.

“Samu.”

Bokuto and Samu snap their heads towards Keiji’s bedroom, where he’s standing, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed and a troubled expression on his face. “Maybe I should tell you what happened.” He affirms, eyes zooming out and head gently swaying forward, then he gestures for them to get into the bedroom “Let’s go back to bed, though, I’m tired.”


	19. Let's run away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of death

Keiji lays on the bed facing the ceiling with his hands folded on his stomach. Samu is curled on his side between him and Kotaro, who is facing Keiji and combing a hand through his hair with nonchalance. Outside of the window, the sun is rising. It must be around eight AM, Laura is coming to pick up Samu in less than two hours.

“Samu, come here” he turns on his side to face him, and his son nuzzles his face in the crook of his neck. Akaashi takes a handful of Bokuto’s t-shirt and tugs him closer, relishing the warmth radiating from his body. “Your grandparents died on the 24th of December, eight years ago.” He exhales, breath moving his son’s hair on the pillow.

Samu tilts his chin upwards, with a surprised face. “My birthday?”

Kaiji smiles weakly, before placing a tender kiss on his forehead and nodding. “I had just turned 17. On the 24th of December, we were having a volleyball Christmas match against Nekoma.” His hand instantly finds Bokuto’s, intertwining their fingers and placing them on top of Samu, in a sort of hug. “Both of my parents didn’t want me to go, though, because it was Christmas’ Eve…”

* * *

“It’s no use, Kou, they won’t let me go!” Keiji is pacing around his bedroom while holding his phone to his ear.

“But we can’t play without you, why can’t they understand?” Bokuto is literally whining.

“My grandma is coming to see us for Christmas and, apparently, her plane is landing in like an hour so they can’t take me.” He sighs and sits on the bed, his hand holding up his head.

“Come with me, it’s no problem” he offers with a hint of hope in his voice.

“It’s not that easy” he counters “Mum says I never see grandma and she travelled all the way from Italy.” He can’t really blame his mum, but seriously the match isn’t going to last all day. “My father, you know, he…” his face turns a deeper shade of red, relieving last day’s events “Since he caught us kissing, he’s been talking about making me change school and everything and…” he trails off, not sure what he wants to say.

“What?” Kotaro’s voice sounds so small and distant, cracking towards the end of the word. “No, Keiji, don’t let him please.” He begs.

“I don’t want to” his hands flail around, even though he knows Kotaro can’t see him. “Of course, I don’t! But what am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, just…“ Bokuto really doesn’t have a solution for this kind of problem, but his mind is racing three thousand miles an hour and his mouth is quick to move: “Let’s run away.” And he knows it’s a crazy idea, but it seems to work in his head. “Let’s go to Italy, we can… we could live together. They’re not so, uhm… homophobic there, are they? Maybe… maybe in Italy we could even get married, that’s crazy.”

The line is quiet for almost a full minute, but neither one of them doubts that the other is still listening. “I don’t know how it works in Italy, Kou, but we can’t just run away and live together like that... what would we do for a living? Plus, I’m still underage.” He shakes his head with a scoff, Bokuto really has some impulsive ideas sometimes.

“Alright then, maybe we won’t run away for the rest of our life, but at least let’s go to that match together” he offers, lowering his aim to a more realistic goal. “Just sneak out for a couple of hours, I’ll take you back before they notice, I swear.”

Keiji closes his eyes, hands violently rubbing his face and leaving it red and stressed. He picks up the phone again, already knowing that he can’t say no. Bokuto is right: if they’re going to force him to change school, at least he needs to play this last game with his team. “I’ll be at yours in fifteen minutes.”

* * *

“You lied to your parents?” Samu’s voice is a small trill in the partial darkness of the bedroom.

“I did” there’s no use in hiding it “I was mad at them, cause they didn’t want me to have a boyfriend.”

“Why?” he chants, rolling on his back and playing mindlessly with Kotaro’s and Keiji’s fingers on his tummy.

Akaashi’s eyes quickly find Bokuto’s, which are reflecting the golden light of the sunrise. “They thought it was wrong. They thought I should have had a girlfriend, instead.”

Samu’s head turns around a couple of times to look between his father and Kotaro, then he furrows his eyebrows and directs his question to the latter. “Were you daddy’s boyfriend?”

“Uhm” he awkwardly exchanges a look with Keiji to ask for permission “Yeah.”

“Oh” he states, as if understanding everything now. “I get it. Elia is mummy’s husband… so you should have a wife instead of a boyfriend. Is that what your parents wanted?”

Keiji swallows the knot in his throat, holding back the tears. “Pretty much”

“But you love Bokuto-san because he’s the best ace of the world. It’s not your fault if Bokuto-san is a boy and not a girl.” he states in a whisper, shrugging.

At this point of the conversation, Akaashi is too aware of his shaking lips and he can’t even stop them with his teeth. Kotaro’s hand squeezes tightly his own, that’s when he loses it and lets go the tears pooling in his eyes. “It’s no one’s fault” he nods clearing his throat.

“You see, Samu” Kotaro takes control of the situation, noticing Keiji’s distress “Some people don’t understand. They think that there’s something wrong with two boys or two girls being together” he explains calmly. “And that hurts people’s feelings.”

Samu’s eyebrows arch upwards and he looks at his father. “What happens next? Did you go to the game?”

Keiji wipes away the tears with the back of his hand. “I did, and we won” he smiles, hand latching back around Bokuto’s fingers “We were so happy. Even if it was just a practice game, we had a lot of fun.” His smile falters, thinking back at the following events. “But then I… I looked at the bleachers and I saw my parents there. They were so angry…”

* * *

Keiji’s breath stops right in the middle of the group hug, while the others go on celebrating their victory. Then the world around him suddenly accelerates, until it reaches an erratic rhythm and his vision blurs. He feels his senses go numb and the sounds around him disappear farther away, his bubble building up around him. He instantly knows what this means. He’s dissociating.

In the middle of the group hug, Bokuto’s eyes look for Keiji’s, but find them frozen on somebody else. He whips his head around to look for the source of his boyfriend’s fear, and when he finds it, his face contorts in a furious frown. His eyes flicker a couple of times between Keiji and his parents, who are looking at him as if they’re ready to murder him, then his feet move faster than his mind. He finds himself right between their staring game, turned towards Akaashi. In a swift leap, he takes a hold of his hips and flings their bodies together, lifting his feet from the floor and swinging him around, their lips pressed tightly together. He slowly feels Akaashi come back on earth again, bursting his bubble and reciprocating the deep kiss with his hands wrapped around Bokuto’s neck.

But then he stops, pushing him away with a mix of fear, surprise and horror written all over his face. He puts him down, letting him stand on his own feet and instantly knows that he’s done something wrong.

“What the fuck.” Is the only coherent thing that manages to exit Keiji’s mouth. He feels tears stinging in his eyes as he snaps his head around to look for his parents. They’re gone. His chest starts to heave frantically once again and his mind is running too fast for him to understand his own thoughts.

“Keiji, I’m sorry I-“ he tries to take a hold of his wrist, but he just flinches away, taking one step towards the locker room. “Please, I’m sorry” he begs for him to stay, following him to the door.

“Leave me alone, Bokuto” he growls before slamming the door shut behind him.

Kotaro’s heart stops in his chest, trying not to overthink the way he’s called him. He needs time to be alone, that’s right. He can give him space, if that’s what he wants. He sighs, swaying his head to shake off every sad thought, then turns on his heels and heads back to a confused Kuroo, going to explain what happened.

Keiji steps in the locker room and stomps to the bench, letting himself fall down on it with his head in his hands. There’s no need to hold back the tears now. He sobs loudly, until a sound catches his attention and his neck rapidly turns to look for the source of the noise. Is there someone else?

The door opens and closes again behind the last two people he wants to see right now. It’s his parents. His father is wearing a disgusted and disappointed expression, while his mother a sterner and more serious one.

“We were worried, Keiji” she sighs, stepping closer to him and sitting beside him.

He looks at her, nodding and knowing that he has no excuse for sneaking out. “Sorry” he says weakly.

She sighs again, but a crease forms between her eyebrows and, when she places her hand on his shoulder, he instantly knows that she’s forgiven him.

His father, however, is pacing angrily in the room, loud breaths coming through his nose. When he turns to look at him, his face is red and Keiji is seriously scared. “Shame on you.”

“Ryo” his mum sighs, standing back up and going towards her husband.

“Don’t interrupt me!” he yells at her, making Keiji instantly jump on his feet and stand between the two of them.

But maybe that was a mistake, because now he’s right in his father’s trajectory and he can’t hide his face anymore. “You” he steps closer, making him and his mother retrocede, until they find themselves in the showers “You don’t respect me!” his voice booms and is echoed by a loud bang of his hand slamming against the tiles, right beside Keiji’s face. He flinches visibly and shrinks in himself, feeling his senses abandon him again, the world becoming distant and faded.

He’s barely aware of his mother running to his father and trying to hold him back. He’s pretty sure he’s insulting him now, but his brain can’t register anything and he just lets his body slide on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest.

Then, suddenly, the world is shaking.

Is this because of the dissociation? It never happened before.

The sound is dreadful, as if a thousand elephants escaped the zoo and stomped simultaneously in the gym. Windows tremble, clattering and creaking until they start falling down, one by one, shattering on the floor and adding chaos to the loud roar of the earth. His hands press tightly against his ears as the walls start crumbling, too. White tiles jump from the concrete and smash, the showers following them and taking along the whole block of wall that was holding them up, tubes tearing apart and water gushing out of them, flowing everywhere and wetting his feet.

He’s sitting there, soaked in water and debris. Before his eyes, his parents are nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, everything’s still and quiet.

* * *

“After that, I don’t remember much. I just know that the paramedics found me and took me out, I remember Kotaro was there and I stayed with him a couple of days.” He mumbles, still sensitive on the matter.

“You don’t?” Samu gapes at him batting his eyelashes and, when he shakes his head, he turns to Kotaro. “Do you remember?”

Kotaro gulps and nods. “But I don’t know if dad wants to hear this.” He truthfully says.

“Why?” Samu turns towards his father, but Bokuto is the one to answer.

“When you live something stressful and ugly, your brain wants to forget it.” Keiji nods swiftly, letting him know that it’s okay to tell him “Are you really okay with this?”

“Yeah, go on.” He gently strokes his thumb on his hand.

“Okay, well…” Kotaro takes a deep breath, welcoming Samu in his arms, who has turned on his side to listen carefully. “When the earthquake happened, everyone in the gym ran outside and we were all safe. But, only after it stopped, I started looking for your dad. I couldn’t find him anywhere and I was so scared…”

* * *

“He’s still inside!” Once he realizes that his boyfriend isn’t out there with the rest of them, a cracked voice leaves his throat as he frantically runs back towards the crumbling building. “Kuroo, he’s still inside!” he articulates more clearly, turning on his heels briefly to look at his friend.

Kotaro’s eyes are bloodshot and wide open. His hands are shaking by his side and his legs are restlessly trying to move among the crowd to reach the building. “What are you doing? Are you crazy? Come back here!” obviously, he doesn’t listen, so Kuroo leaps forward to stop Bokuto, leaving Kenma on his own. “Fuck” he mutters under his breath, noticing how fast his best friend can actually run when he wants to. He forces his legs to pump faster, until he’s barely able to take a hold of Kotaro’s sweater and pull him backwards, making him stumble and bump on his chest.

“Let me go” he tugs on the fabric, then tries to take off his sweater, but Kuroo has thought ahead and is holding both of his arms behind his back now, keeping him close to reduce his movements. He shuffles and pulls and pushes, trying to escape his grip, but it’s no use. He screams at his face to let him go, that it’ll be his fault if Keiji is hurt because he won’t let him go. Until, eventually, he runs out of steam and slumps against his best friend, head falling heavily on his shoulder and tears shamelessly pouring on his jersey. “He’s still in there” he mumbles.

Kuroo’s heart is about to shatter and he’s only relieved when he sees Kenma walk up to them.

Kenma gives him a sympathetic look and places a hand on Kotaro’s back. “I’m scared too, Bokuto” he admits “But the firefighters are already here, you don’t know what happened yet. Akaashi is smart, he knows how to deal with earthquakes.”

Kenma’s voice reaches his eardrums, but isn’t louder than his sobs. “Did you see the fucking building, Kenma? Did you?” he weakly argues, lifting his head from Kuroo’s neck and uselessly wiping away the tears from his face.

“I know“ his voice cracks, a single tear escaping his left eye “I know. But we can only wait.”

Bokuto swallows his sobs and nods. They’re right. He silently watches Kuroo give Kenma a comforting hug and place a small kiss on the top of his head. “We’ll wait, then” he sits on the concrete, not moving a single muscle and staring right in front of him.

Well, he didn’t exactly consider how long he should have had to wait. Firefighters were walking in and out of the building and ambulances arrived, but Keiji was nowhere to be seen. Apparently, the gym had sustained heavy damages, even if earthquakes are pretty frequent in Japan.

His eyes never leave the entrance, until a man emerges from the ruins holding a ruffled boy by the hand. He’s standing on his own feet.

Blood shoots to his head and he leaps forward, leaving Kenma and Kuroo where they are still trying to figure out what happened and speeding down the sidewalk and across the street. “Keiji!” he screams for him and can’t hold back his tears when he meets his eyes, wet and damp as well.

He completely ignores the paramedic and holds his boyfriend to his chest in a squeezing hug, shaking and talking incoherently, kissing all over his face and letting him rest in his arms. When his mind has realized that it’s over, that he’s alright now, he scans his face and body looking for injuries and his heart flutters in his chest when he finds him safe and sound. “Oh my god, you scared the shit out of me” he breathes out, holding his face in his hands.

And that’s when he notices the veil over Akaashi’s eyes. He instantly knows what it means: he’s dissociating. It’s alright, though, because usually it’d be enough to kiss him to make him come back to reality, so that’s what he does. But when their lips separate from each other, he finds the same look in his eyes and a sad, foreboding sensation washes over him. “Where are your parents?”

Little did he know, that Keiji would have lived in an absent state of mind for the next couple of weeks.

* * *

“After that, he stayed with me and my mum for a week. Then after the funeral, his grandma took him here, in Rome.” His eyes fly around the room and he’s unable to go on with his story after that.

He went to Italy and left him there. It’s not his fault, it really isn’t.

Keiji’s hand is warm on his own, and his blue eyes burn deep inside his golden ones. Kotaro opens his mouth to add something, but he’s interrupted by the doorbell.

“It must be Laura.” Keiji guesses and stands up from the bed, patting his son’s back. “Come on, Samu, let’s go.”


	20. Onion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: angst (much softer than in previous chapters, though)

The room is silent now.

Keiji is trying to fall back asleep even though it’s past 10 AM, laying his head on Kotaro’s chest and intertwining their limbs. But his heartbeat against his head offers him a nice distraction and he can’t free his mind of images of the nightmare he had and the memories of that day.

He feels Bokuto’s brain working hard, gears squeaking against each other, his breath unsteady and his fingers restlessly stroking his back. “Penny for your thoughts?” he offers, kissing his jaw.

Kotaro chuckles and tightens his arms around Keiji’s hips. “Just… memories.”

“Mh” he mumbles “about that day?”

“No” he gulps, tilting his head on the pillow, debating on how to say this. “The day of the funeral.”

“Oh” is the only thing he can answer.

They fall back into silence for a couple of minutes, until Kotaro speaks up again: “How much do you remember about that day?”

He shrugs “I remember you. Your mum, your brothers” he trails off, before adding “my grandma.”

“You know, I’ve never really understood” he smiles when he puts some distance between their faces, to look into his eyes “did she tell you to move here in Rome that day? Or did you know before?”

Keiji furrows his eyebrows, a pout forming on his lips. “I think she told me days before, but I was just living in a blur, I don’t know Kou.” Kotaro nods, but Akaashi adds: “I was so tired. I didn’t have the energy to argue, even if I wanted to. I don’t know, I was just floating on the surface of everything… I didn’t really realize what was happening.”

“I understand” he nods, resting their foreheads together.

“What do you remember, instead?”

“When you told me you were leaving. That’s what I remember the most.” He doesn’t hesitate.

“Tell me about it, I can’t remember much of it.” Keiji has been curious about this: he remembers what happened when he told him he was going to live in Italy, but he doesn’t know the details. He just knows that it’s been painful.

“Well” Bokuto chuckles “for starters, when you said it, it was totally out of the blue…”

* * *

“I’m leaving tomorrow”

Keiji’s voice is barely a whisper. He’s lying on Kotaro’s bed, facing the ceiling with his eyes closed. He’s been in the same position for at least half an hour.

“Where are you going?” Bokuto turns on his side, placing the palm of his hand on top of Keiji’s. He’s been trying to be there for him, offering him to sleep together every night because Keiji couldn’t bear to stay in house, cuddling him pretty much every two hours and holding him when he felt like crying. His mood hasn’t improved in the last week, but Bokuto knows it needs time and patience and it’s alright because Keiji will never have to go through this alone. He lets him know this every single day.

“Rome”

“Rome?” Bokuto almost laughs. But the smile falls as soon as Keiji nods. “What are you talking about?” he tries to keep the panic out of his voice, sitting up on the bed and pulling Akaashi’s arms to make him stand straight beside him, but they feel like jelly in his hands. He eventually lifts his torso, with a heavy sigh.

“I’m so sorry” when he opens his eyes, tears are trapped between his eyelashes. “I can’t live alone and grandma lives in Rome.” He sniffles, rubbing his hand on his nose “I don’t want to leave you.” He looks down, a sob escaping his lips and his fingers hiding his face. “I-I don’t want to leave Japan.”

Bokuto doesn’t know what to say. He stares at his boyfriend, slowly shattering in front of him. When he swallows the knot in his throat, he realizes that he’s sobbing as well. He folds his arms around him and lays him back on the pillow.

They shed their tears together, without a single word, until their eyes are dry and their lips are chapped. “How am I supposed to live without you?”

“I don’t know” is Keiji’s shaky answer. He brings their faces close together, their lips just brushing against each other “I don’t know.”

Kotaro can sense the pain spread in his chest, he feels it like a physical hurt. It’s overwhelming and it’s choking him. “Live with me? Here?”

Akaashi chuckles sadly, then he shakes his head. “I’d love to”, he admits reaching forward to press their lips together. They’re salty and dry, but it doesn’t matter. The warmth he finds between Bokuto’s lips melts a tiny bit of the ice inside Keiji’s chest, and he hungrily looks for more heat, more softness to ease his bruised heart. But he knows that it’ll never be enough.

Kotaro rolls on his back, letting Keiji crawl on top of him, deepening the kiss, letting their tongues dance together and their hands wander around, looking for smooth skin and pulsing heartbeats.

He’s breathless when he Akaashi pulls back a little to take off his sweater and, before latching their lips back together, he looks him in the eyes. “Stay with me forever” he rubs his thumb over Keiji’s cheekbone, letting it slide to his lips and chin, then falling down to the base of his neck, pressing it into the dimples of his collarbone and grazing the skin on his shoulders and arms, to finally intertwine their fingers together.

“Forever” Keiji agrees, lowering his head until their eyelashes are fluttering together and their lips find each other again.

* * *

“I think you remember what happened next” Kotaro giggles.

Keiji rolls his eyes. “Maybe” he admits with a smile, which is reciprocated by Kotaro.

He looks in his eyes and, suddenly, he can’t believe they found each other again. His thumb slides over the same path it traced eight years ago. “I was afraid I’d never see you again” he admits “that’s why I made that stupid promise” he shakes his head, disapproving of himself “it was so selfish.”

“It wasn’t selfish” Keiji shrugs “it was just impossible to keep.”

* * *

“Keiji?”

Bokuto’s hand lazily brushes against the skin on Akaashi’s back, slightly tickling him. “Mh?”

His hand stops, resting with its palm open wide in the hollow between Keiji’s shoulder blades. “Come back to me.” His voice is small but confident. He needs to hear this right now. “When you turn eighteen, come back.”

Keiji turns his head to the other side, still lying on his tummy, to look at him with half-lidded eyes. “I will” he smiles “I’ll be back and we’ll go see the cherry blossoms.” He holds out his hand to take Bokuto’s, then brings it to his lips and kisses his knuckles.

“I’ll wait for you, then.” He hooks one arm around him and brings him closer to his chest, trying to carve into his mind the feeling of their naked bodies pressed together. Not wanting this to ever end.

* * *

“And I did, you know?” Kotaro smiles, playing with Keiji’s fingers “I’ve waited for you the next year and the year after that, when you were turning eighteen.”

Keiji keeps silent. He doesn’t know his side of the story yet.

“The year after your eighteenth birthday, I would casually walk past your house lietrally everyday” he chuckles to himself “God, I forgot it wasn’t that easy to keep in touch with the internet back then. It’d be so much easier now.” He shakes his head “But one day, I saw a car in your driveway.”

Keiji’s eyebrows pinch together. “What?”

Kotaro nods. “Yeah, I thought you were back” he scoffs “I was so happy, I ran to your door and I rang the bell, like, twenty times or so.” He laughs to himself “But it wasn’t you.”

Keiji holds back a laugh, imagining Bokuto being all loud and bubbly in front of some random people’s house. “I know, I sold the house. There’s no way I could have warned you about it.” He hides his face in the pillow.

“Yeah, well, now I know” he nods “But, that day is when I truly realized that you were not coming back to me.” He bites his lip looking down at their hands, folded together, then he scoffs. “Sorry, I still get emotional.”

“I didn’t forget the promise, if that’s what you thought” Keiji smiles, scooting closer to Bokuto. “I know I should’ve come back, but my grandma got sick and I had literally no money. I couldn’t afford to fly to Japan.” He shakes his head “I’m sorry you thought I gave up on you.”

Kotaro’s smile widens as he holds him in his arms. “I know it now” he nuzzles their noses together “And I’m really happy I found you again.”

This particular choice of words echoes into Keiji’s eardrums and his lips become heavy, unable to lift up into a smile. “You don’t think I’m different?”

Kotaro is taken aback by the question at first, but slowly forces his brain to produce a coherent answer, thinking hardly on what Akaashi might mean. “You’re different” he nods “but so am I” his smile is sweet and encouraging, but Keiji is still wearing a pinched expression.

“I don’t know.” He gulps, trying to convey his feelings “You know how I can’t always understand myself because of DDD?” Bokuto nods, his expression much more serious now. “I’ve been wondering if the Keiji you fell in love with is still somewhere inside me. Cause I can’t find him.” He arches his eyebrows, shaking his head a little.

Kotaro stares into his eyes for a heartbeat, before the corner of his mouth lifts up in amusement. “I’m glad that you can’t relate to that scaredy-cat version of you anymore” he half jokes and half succeeds, because Keiji scoffs and punches his shoulder, but then he falls back into a more sober tone. “I’m happy I found you better than I left you” he licks his lips while his eyes scan rapidly the room, as if reading the words from a script hidden in the air. “It might not be such a bad thing, if you’re not that boy anymore.”

“But you loved that boy” Keiji whispers with his arms held tightly against his chest, his chin tilted upwards to meet Kotaro’s eyes.

Bokuto chuckles quietly, watching carefully as his hand disappears into Keiji’s dark locks. “What I loved of that boy is still inside you. It’s… you’ve grown like an onion.”

Keiji’s laugh is loud and clear in the now brightly lit bedroom. Kotaro can’t stop himself from joining, admiring his lover’s features light up with happiness and joy.

“I’m serious! It’s a metaphor!” this seems to be even funnier, Akaashi clutches his stomach and wipes the tears from his eyes. “Gosh, you’re such a kid.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he says, but he doesn’t sound like he actually means it. “Please, go on.”

Kotaro rolls his eyes, but starts talking anyway. “The core is still the same. You’ve grown around it to protect it, and that’s alright.” His voice becomes more serious as he nears the end of the sentence, hoping Keiji would stop laughing with this.

And he does. The laughter has faded into a fond smile, his body lines up with Kotaro’s and the time seems to stop in their hands.

“So” Keiji smiles before continuing “seems like you’re still the only one to know me, after all these years.”

Bokuto mirrors his smile and pecks his lips once, letting their mouths slowly slide apart “I like to think that I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this story is almost over guys... I'm so sad! :(  
> Next chapter is the epilogue :'(


	21. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> This chapter contains a tribute to the ace (asexual) awareness week and also to that marvellous human being that is my best friend, who's been feeling abandoned by the Italian LGBTQ+ community in the past few days. I hope she'll get to this chapter before the weekend is over, but I'm not so sure cause she's too lazy lol  
> Enjoy!

Keiji coils his fingers around the silky material of his deep blue suit jacket, tugging at the end of the sleeves to check once more if he guessed the size. The fabric doesn’t look too tight around his shoulders and falls smoothly down his back, it looks like it fits him. ‘Of course it does’, he thinks to himself, ‘it’s not like I’ve grown in six days”. He smiles at his reflection, double checking the knot of his papillon and smoothing the white shirt on his chest.

“Jesus Christ! You’re smoking hot, Keiji”

He turns on the heels of his dress shoes to face a ruffled Kotaro, who’s ogling him with his jaw hanging open and his hands lazily buried deep in the pockets of his trousers. He’s about to thank him, but shakes his head instead: Bokuto is still too undressed to be ready to go, and they need to leave in fifteen minutes. “Kou, what have you been doing until now?”

Kotaro blinks owlishly, mouth drawing a silent ‘o’ and shoulders lifting closer to his neck. “Shaving?”

Keiji facepalms and sighs loudly, before stepping closer to Bokuto to take his hand and bring him to the drawer, in front of the mirror. “Come on, do your hair while I look for… the other half of your suit.” He can’t believe it: Samu has been able to get ready before a grown up man.

He quickly rummages through their luggage, until he eventually finds Kotaro’s black blazer and the blue tie, which matched the color of his handkerchief and, also, Keiji’s suit. They went shopping a week ago, but they had to make an extra trip to the mall two days ago because Bokuto suddenly noticed that their suits didn’t match, and no one would have known they were together if their suits weren’t matching. Keiji looks at his reflection through the mirror and finds a smile on his own two lips: Kotaro’s such an idiot.

Bokuto’s hands are shaking while he’s trying to button up the sleeves of his shirt. “How the hell…” he mumbles, flicking his wrist in every direction to find the right angle.

Keiji doesn’t say anything, he just takes a hold of his hands and buttons up his sleeves for him, hands fast and confident. Then he proceeds on flipping the collar to place the tie around his neck, trying to guess the right proportions to make a good-looking knot.

Bokuto is helplessly staring at his boyfriend’s face, feeling much more relaxed than before, and lets his hands rest on Keiji’s hips, hooking his fingers in his belt loops and not so smoothly tightening his grip. “You do look hot in a tuxedo” he merely states the obvious.

“Thanks” he smiles and pecks his chin, then he takes a step back with an amused expression “oh, so you did shave.” He laughs, reaching forward to slide the palm of his hand on Kotaro’s cheek, then resting it on his shoulder.

Bokuto looks like he wants to answer, but his brain is glitching because of the huge amount of cuteness and attractiveness radiating from his boyfriend, so he just stares with a very clever expression.

Keiji has to remind him to wear his jacket before walking out of their bedroom: Kotaro is seriously on another planet today, but he can’t blame him. After all, it’s a big step and he has do admit that he himself isn’t feeling as confident as he seems.

“Keiji, honey, you look beautiful”

Keiji inevitably blushes under Kotaro’s mum’s eyes. She runs up to him as soon as he steps into the living room. “Thank you, Natsuko-san” he slightly bows his head and looks at Bokuto, standing right beside him, half expecting him to brag about the fact that his mum didn’t compliment him, but he doesn’t. He holds his hand as they head towards the door, calling for Samu once they reach it.

Samu runs into the living room from the kitchen, with his mouth covered in chocolate. Keiji’s face goes pale. “God, I can’t leave you alone for one second. I told you to behave, Samuel” he says sternly, without raising his voice but still sounding assertive. Samu pouts, fiddling with his fingers and muttering an excuse, until eventually Keiji sighs and crouches beside him. He takes a couple of tissues out of his pocket and rubs the food away from his face. “You’re lucky you didn’t mess up your shirt, mh?” he doesn’t sound half as angry now, looking his son in the eyes to let him know that it’s not a big deal after all, bringing the smile is back on Samu’s lips.

Kotaro has been trying to get used to Keiji being a cute father to Samu in the past few months, but every time he finds himself in front of a scene like this, his heart skips a beat and leaps in his throat, the smile on his lips hurting his cheeks. When Akaashi stands back up, he grabs the keys from the table and takes him by the arm, guiding the three of them to the car. When they’re all seated and buckled up, he looks through the rear mirror and steals a side glance towards Keiji in the passenger seat before turning the ignition. “Let’s hit the road then” he smirks.

* * *

The location is stunningly chic.

Light blue chairs match perfectly the ocean before them, organized in rows in front of a huge wooden gazebo, with vines climbing to its roof, white and blue drapes falling graciously from the ceiling to the floor. They placed a wooden platform on the sand, so that they wouldn’t ruin their clothes, and white petals marked the main aisle.

“We should be here” Keiji finds their names in the front row and gestures for Samu to take a seat.

“Is it too early? I don’t see anyone I know…” Kotaro is straining his neck to look around the crowd of people, eyes scanning the seats.

Keiji is about to tell him to sit back and relax, but a red head in the row behind them catches his eyes. “Hinata-san!” he jumps on his feet to walk around the chairs and give him a hug. “I haven’t seen you in so long!” he fondly ruffles his hair “Have you grown taller?”

Bokuto is right on his heels and scoffs while waiting for his turn. “Keiji, let him breathe. You sound like my mom.”

Hinata laughs whole-heartedly when Akaashi takes a step back, feeling only slightly guilty. “I did grow, I’m glad you noticed!” he looks truly pleased, until Bokuto’s biceps wrap around his shoulders and neck to squeeze him in a bone-wrecking hug. When he steps back, Hinata wheezes but smirks once he notices their fingers latched together “Still going strong, huh?”

Keiji glances at his side, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, but doesn’t have to answer because tiny little hands are tugging at his trousers. He looks down to find big blue eyes and a pouty face. “Dad, when does it start? ‘m bored…” he whines.

Hinata’s eyes widen when he realizes. “You didn’t say you had a child!” he looks at Bokuto, stunned.

“Ah, no… Samu is Keiji’s son” he laughs, slightly embarrassed for Hinata’s assumption.

The bored expression on Samu’s face is quickly taken over by an excited look and Keiji fears he’ll have to sedate him after this.

“Hinata-san, it’s a pleasure to meet you!” Samu bows in front of Shoyo, repeating the ritual he performed when he first met Kotaro.

Hinata is slightly taken aback, but quickly adjusts and smiles brightly at the kid, crouching down in front of him. “It’s a pleasure for me, too! You can call me Shoyo” he winks playfully.

Samu seems instantly captured by Hinata’s easygoing attitude and jumps in the air, fists tight on his chest. “I watched you play for Japan! You’re the best ace ever!” he twirls his fingers in his hands, suddenly shy “Can I maybe have your autograph?”

Behind him, Kotaro gasps dramatically. “Samu, you’re breaking my heart” he wipes a fake tear from his eye, but his façade falls as soon as Samu turns around with a worried face.

“It’s not the same as the best ace of the world!” he argues, as if stating the obvious and cutely using his hands to underline what he’s saying, looking like a true Italian. “You are the best in the world” he holds his hand above his head, “Shoyo is like… the best!” he lowers his hand just a little bit, a wavering smile on his lips while he realizes that it does, in fact, sound the same.

“I was joking, Samu-chan” Kotaro smiles, patting his head and feeling his heart fall hard for that child when he beams at him.

Hinata’s laughter fades as he watches the scene from his chair, his chin resting on the palm of his hand. ‘These two’, he thinks to himself, ‘they still look like a couple from a sappy movie’ he chuckles, but the breath catches in his throat when he notices everyone around them get quiet and sit down. “Guys, I think it’s starting!” he hushes the tooth-rotting chatter between Kotaro and Samu, motioning for them to take a seat.

Kotaro blanches when he hears this and freezes on his feet, so Keiji has to forcefully guide him back to their seats. ‘Sometimes it’s like having two children’, he shakes his head. The wedding march resonates through the speakers placed on the sides of the gazebo and Kotaro’s leg starts bouncing up and down, making the whole row of chairs shake and squeak.

Keiji places his hand on the trembling leg, drawing circles with his thumb. “Kou” he whispers “relax.”

Kotaro instantly stops his movements, giving him a small smile and deciding to place his palm on top of Keiji’s hand instead. “Sorry” he whispers back “I’m just excited.”

Akaashi chuckles quietly, shaking his head. Kotaro has been ecstatic for the wedding for a week, at least. He gets it: you don’t get to witness to your best friend getting married every day, and be his best man, too. He does get it, but he can’t help but be worried: if this is how he handles Kuroo’s wedding, how nervous will he be when it’s their turn to get married?

Keiji widens his eyes as he listens to his thoughts. ‘Do I want us to get married?’ he never really thought about it. They’ve been together for five months… it seems a bit untimely, doesn’t it?

He takes a good look at Kotaro’s profile, the cute dimple on the left side of his chin, the weird spiky hair that he’s so fond of, his large and glimmering golden eyes and the tiny little scar on the tip of his ear, which you wouldn’t notice if you didn’t know it was there. But Keiji knew, because he was there when Kotaro tried to cut his hair on his own but ended up mutilating himself instead. He almost laughs at the memory. ‘Marrying him wouldn’t be too bad after all’ he laughs at the voice in his head.

Their attention is caught by the couple walking up the aisle, arm in arm. Their faces light up with a smile and Akaashi realizes that he’s pretty excited for their friends, too. His eyes catch Kenma’s right in time to catch him as he mouths “help” with a deadpan expression, making Keiji cover his mouth with a hand to hide his laugh.

Bokuto is watching them with a proud and admiring look in his eyes, giving Kenma a thumbs up right before he turns around to take Kuroo’s hand, which he holds tightly, kissing his knuckles before intertwining their fingers.

“Shall we begin?” the man behind the bookstand nods, looking at both of them for consent.

Kuroo steals one last glance towards Kenma and finds him already nodding, making him smile even wider and tighten the grip on his hand. “Yes, we’re ready.”

* * *

It’s not a surprise that the location for the wedding reception is just as breath-taking as the ceremony: they rented a yacht. A huge one.

Keiji’s eyes narrow at his son, as he feels always more and more guilty for bringing a five-year-old to a place like this: the pristine white cloth under Samu’s hands has turned yellow from the curry on his fingers and around his glass is a dark stain from the Coke he was drinking. It’s not like he can blame him for getting dirty, because he’s just a child, but he does feel embarrassed. “Use a towel, Samu” is the only thing he can say.

“Aw, don’t worry Keiji” Kuroo coos from where he’s sitting in front of Kotaro, smiling at Samu before turning to his husband with a playful grin “Can we get a child, too?”

Kenma sends a cold glare, making Kuroo recoil a bit in his chair. “I like cats” he argues, before turning back to give Akaashi an eye-roll.

“Oh, me too” Kuroo chirps in, not losing his enthusiasm. “We’ll get a kitten, then” he smiles proudly.

Kotaro looks unimpressed, one eyebrow raised high on his forehead. “Right, same thing” he mutters, sending a smirk towards Keiji.

“We have a dog and sometimes it does feel like having a baby” Tsukishima joins the conversation, hand barely gesturing to Yamaguchi, seated by his side, who nods vigorously in agreement.

“Ugh, dogs are too much for me” Kenma wrinkles his nose, dipping the fork in the salmon in his plate.

“Yeah, cats are better” Kuroo supports him with a nod.

“Uh, guys?” Keiji waves at them, amused “My son is right here and you’re comparing him to animals, I don’t like that” he clicks his tongue.

“Can we get a dog, too?” Samu pulls the sleeve of Akaashi’s shirt, batting his eyelashes and pursing his lips.

Both Kotaro and Keiji turn their heads in unison, replying with the same sentence and stern voice: “Absolutely not.”

“But maybe a cat?” Bokuto’s voice is small and tentative, while he gives Keiji a side glance. A scolding glare from Akaashi is everything he needs to reconsider his thought: “Right, no cats, sorry.”

“Cute” Kuroo smiles fondly, chin resting on the back of his hands latched together.

Kenma wears a pained expression, facepalming and looking like he wants to hide in a blanket and disappear from society, muttering a “ugh” under his breath.

Kenma’s reaction catches Taketora’s attention, even if he’s seated a couple of chairs down. “Oi, Ken” he calls with a nod. Kenma barely looks at him, already fearing what is about to come out of his mouth. “Why’d you marry that cheesy little rooster?”

“Hey!” Kuroo feels mildly offended and turns his shoulders to face him. “I’m not little!” he argues, pointing to his chest.

“That’s actually a good question, though” Kenma chuckles. Everyone falls silent, even the cluttering of forks stops. Once he realizes he’s caught everyone’s attention, Kenma shrinks against the back of the chair, untying his hair to let them slide in front of his face, like a curtain.

Keiji clears his throat. “It’s alright, Kenma” he nods, patting the blonde’s hand on top of the table “I think it’s none of Tora-san business, anyways.” He sends a pointed look at the mentioned guy.

“Yeah, it really wasn’t a nice thing to ask, Tora” Kuroo nods, engulfing Kenma’s shoulders in his arms and placing a kiss on top of his head.

“I didn’t mean it like that” Kenma weakly argues, but everyone is minding their business by now and the only ones to hear him are his closest friends.

“I know you didn’t, hun” Kuroo reassures him, pecking his nose.

“But, uh” Kenma takes a deep breath, crawling out of Kuroo’s embrace to look at Tora “it was a good question… I know you don’t know it yet, but I’m actually aromantic.”

Keiji smiles to encourage him: hearing him saying it out loud in such a public situation is something new and it makes him proud of his friend. He remembers when Kenma told him about it through Skype, roughly three months ago, and they chatted about how and why he wanted to marry Kuroo. He was shocked to hear that Kenma found out he was aromantic during high school: it seems that Kuroo was the only one to know.

“Oh” Tora blinks, trying to process the concept, but eventually his brain fails and he shakes his head. “Whatever, I don’t know what that means.”

“Dude, that’s really rude” Keiji scoffs, a daring expression on his face. Tora looks something between offended and ashamed, so he explains: “I know you’re just uninformed, but you could pretend to be interested in learning what it means, at least.” He shrugs, smiling coyly “Not that it would make it any less awkward… I still get people asking me if I’m attracted to pans, when I say that I’m pansexual” he chuckles to himself, turning to look at Kotaro when he joins the laugh.

“Do they seriously ask you that?” he asks and Akaashi just nods. “What do you answer?”

“That I’m actually attracted to people who can make good puns” he deadpans.

“Oh, that’s why you’re attracted to Kotaro!” Kuroo snickers, but everyone joins in laughter.

“Okay, well, so what does it mean?” Tora asks almost shyly and embarrassed, toying with his towel.

“It means that I feel no romantic attraction, towards anyone. And that I don’t want a romantic relationship, either” Kenma calmly explains, but then notices the confused expression on Tora’s face and he rolls his eyes. “This doesn’t mean that I can’t love someone, I just do it my own way. And no, it doesn’t mean that I can’t feel sexual attraction” he thinks about it, curling a strand of hair between his fingers “actually, for me it does, but that’s cause I’m also asexual…” he shrugs, his eyes clouding as he stares at the table.

“But, uh…” Tora starts, but is cut off by a murdering glance shot by Keiji. He gulps and thinks thoroughly about his choice of words before going on: “How does that… work? In a marriage, I mean.”

“I believe that what’s between me and Kuroo can be defined as an alterous relationship” he bites his lip, looking at his husband for confirmation. “Which is somewhere between platonic and romantic… as I said before, I do care about people even if I’m aromantic.” He nods at Tora, without hiding the smug grin on his face “and sometimes I don’t mind having sex, too. I’m still a basic human being with basic human needs, after all.”

Keiji, Kotaro and Kuroo are smiling brightly, thinking about how their beloved pudding head has grown, while Tora is trying to take everything in, scratching his head and furrowing his brows. “I get it” he shrugs quickly “how about you? Are you aromantic, too?” he nods at Kuroo.

“Nope” he pops the ‘p’ shaking his head “I definitively am romantically and… well, sexually attracted to Ken.”

“What? How isn’t this a problem?” Tora snickers.

Kuroo just shrugs, giving Kenma a tender smile. “I love him the way he is” his smile grows bigger when his husband blushes a little. “We’ve discussed this a lot, but at the end I’ve realized that I simply need him in my life, it doesn’t matter how people call our relationship.” He chuckles when Kenma rolls his eyes, taking his hand under the table.

Tora is silent for a couple of minutes, until he cocks his head to the side and adds: “My question is still valid, though: why did you get married? If you’re not romantic, I mean... what’s the use?”

“Honestly?” Kenma giggles, head falling slightly forward “It’s easier to pay taxes, the mortgage is cheaper and when he dies I’ll be the one to get his money.”

“Hey! Why are you making our marriage sound like a contract?” Kuroo feigns indignation and a hurt expression.

Kenma wears a straight face as he turns around to look at him, tilting his head. “Cause that’s what it is. We did sign papers.”

Everyone bursts out into a collective laugh, Kuroo included. The only one who isn’t laughing is Samu, who’s looking at his father with dreaming eyes, whispering “Kenma-san is so cool.”

* * *

“Where are we going, dad?” Samu chants from the backseat.

“A special place” Keiji answers, turning briefly in his seat to face his son. “We’re almost there, don’t worry.”

“Actually” Kotaro corrects him with a smirk “I think we’re here.” He pulls up to the edge of the road, then parks the car halfway in the middle of a field.

“Are you sure we’re allowed to park here?” Keiji sounds skeptical.

Kotaro just shrugs it off and steps outside. “No one lives here, it’s just fields.”

“Yes, but people use fields to grow plantations” he helps Samu out of the car, then locks the door behind him. “And I don’t think that a seed would be happy to be squished by the tires of your car.”

Kotaro chuckles and wraps one arm around his shoulders, guiding them further down the road. “Relax Keiji, the seeds won’t haunt me for revenge.”

Samu gasps and adds a skip to his walk, making the other twos walk faster. “Wow! What’s that?” he points a finger to the other side of the street and Keiji has to tighten the grip on his hand to keep him by his side, otherwise he would have run across the road.

“Sakura, cherry trees.” Kotaro answers with a smile “It’s cherry blossom season.” As he pronounces these words, he longingly looks at Keiji by his side, who is just slightly blushing. “This is where I asked your father to be my boyfriend, when we were younger.”

Samu looks at Kotaro wide-eyed and with his mouth open. “That’s cool!”

Kotaro chuckles, while Keiji shakes his head, albeit smiling. It’s a late March afternoon, the sun filters through the leaves, just like it did nine years ago. Keiji and Samu keep their chins tilted upwards and their mouths slightly hanging open, while they admire the game of light and shadow above their heads. Kotaro smiles fondly at their so similar expressions and, once the road is far behind their backs, he feels like the right moment has eventually come.

He reaches towards the closest branch to take a flower, then gently slides it behind Keiji’s ear, letting his fingers linger a while longer among his dark locks. “Did you notice?” he smiles when Akaashi blushes and looks at him with an endearing glint in his eyes.

“Did I notice what?” his eyebrow twitches in surprise, as his fingers take the flower from his hair to smell it.

“You’ve become a flower” he beams at him, and Keiji feels his chest tighten around his heart, making him stop in his tracks. “I think you’ve become a beautiful, fully blossomed cherry flower” his smile falters as he loses his focus inside Keiji’s eyes, but then his hand finds the tiny box in his pocket and he adds: “I’d love to keep being the lucky tree that gives you shelter.” He chuckles to himself: he realizes he’s being awfully cheesy, but whatever.

Keiji stumbles backwards and bursts out laughing when Kotaro knees in front of him and fiddles with the black box, struggling to open the cap and muttering some curse word under his breath when it doesn’t budge.

“Whatever, here is the ring if you want it” he eventually gives up and shoves the whole box into Keiji’s hand. “Just, marry me please?” he looks up at Akaashi with begging eyes, hoping he didn’t ruin everything with his clumsiness.

Keiji is still laughing while he easily opens the box. “You beat me to it” he shakes his head, slipping the silver ring around his finger and tugging at Kotaro’s hand to make him stand back up. “Of course I’ll marry you, you dork” he folds his fingers around the back of Bokuto’s head, bringing their lips together but breaking the kiss every two seconds to smile.

“Kou?” Samu totters up to them and tugs at the end of Bokuto’s jacket, making him move away from Keiji to give the kid his attention. “If you marry dad” he holds a finger to his lip, thinking “then you’ll be my dad, too?”

Kotaro bursts out laughing, but Keiji is wearing a scowl instead. He props his hands on his hips, assuming a menacing stance. “Why would he? Does mum let you call Elia _dad_?” the edge is clear in his voice, but it melts away as soon as his son looks at him with puppy eyes, shaking his head.

“No, Elia has his own daughter… he can’t be my dad, too.” He simply states, widening his arms. “I was just asking, anyway…” he buries his chin in his chest, fiddling with his fingers.

“Well… if I marry your dad, I’ll be his husband. That’s all.” Kotaro ruffles Samu’s hair, catching his attention.

“Oh” Samu thinks about it for a while, then he smiles and happily stumbles into Kotaro’s arms “then you’ll be my family, too.”

Bokuto looks up towards Akaashi, trying not to show the tears glistening in his eyes. Keiji is smiling fondly, with a hand covering his mouth, and Kotaro gulps loudly before reciprocating the hug and trying to keep his voice steady when he answers: “Yeah, I guess I’ll be your family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGGGH so this is really over, uh? I'll miss them *sigh*  
> New projects are coming soon, though, if you're interested ;)


End file.
